House Of Levi, Beit HaBechirah

כ"ח טבת תשס"ט
Grael 29

These are the heads of their fathers' houses (the sons of Reuben, the first born of Israel) ... Shemot 6:14 (contains feminine phrasing - 'beit')
אֵלֶּה, רָאשֵׁי בֵית-אֲבֹתָם

Last night I dreamt.

I remember arriving to a tunnel-like gathering place for 'different ones'. The tunnel was like those under cities and road overpasses and such. We had gathered there of our own volition - in other words, we hadn't been driven there by fear or anything. We were there because we chose to be there among one another - like gypsies we were.

Some of our group were dancing, some talking, some just hanging out. As a new arrival, I was looking for someone. For some reason, I asked "are there any Druids here?" I was looking for a Druid among us.

Suddenly, I was standing in the shallows of the sea. The head of a man was brought up to just under the surface of the seawater to me by fishermen. I sensed that the man to whom this head belonged was part of my own soul and the Druid of my inquiry.

I didn't let the fishermen bring the man's head up out of the water completely - I had them return it to the safety of the deeper seawater before it had been exposed to air. For some reason, I felt that this was critical to resurrecting him. Then, sort of like in the movie Titanic, I entered into the depths of the sea and joined him. This too, was critical to our resurrection.

These are the heads of the fathers' houses of the Levites (according to their families) ... Shemot 6:25 (contains masculine phrasing - 'levi'im')
אֵלֶּה, רָאשֵׁי אֲבוֹת הַלְוִיִּם

Fith Fath

כ"ה סיון התשס"ח
Alban Heruin 26

~I will go in the name of God, in the likeness of deer, in likeness of horse, in likeness of serpent, in likeness of King. More victorious am I than all others.

~Scots Gaealic invocation for justice~

Point to Point - Point, Line, Area Consciousness - 3 stages of spiritual development

Point Consciousness 1 - the name of God (Keter)
Point Consciousness 2 - likeness of King (Malchut)

Line to Area Consciousness - likeness of deer, likeness of horse, likeness of serpent

More articles on fith fath (pronounced fee-faw):

Fith Fath Shapeshifting
Shapeshifting in Celtic Myth
Druid Magic
The Deer's Cry In Celtic Shamanism
Celtic Spells & Charms

The Holy Half-Shekel & Removal Of Death Tumah

כ'א באייר תשס"ח
Mab 22

The night before last night (Saturday night following Shabbat), I dreamt. There is more to this dream than I am going to blog, but here is the end of the dream.

I was with a rabbi, believe it or not. I'm not sure exactly what our connection was, but he had taken me up for some reason, like a teacher or advocate or something.

He took me into the inner outer court of "the temple" (which was like a makeshift diaspora shul) covered within the folds of his cloak or robes of some sort. After we were inside, I came out from among the folds and stood there within the midst of the room.

There was a long table in the middle of the room where judges sat. The head judge sitting at the middle of the table was a woman.

A large group of people came into the room from the outside. I was now surrounded by a large group of Christians whom had agreed to pay $50 per person for the opportunity to see inside the temple. Some of them began to secretly and quietly sing Christian hymns around me, which seemed to try to incorporate me as one "lost" in the crowd among them. I didn't feel they were doing this specifically to me, but to the temple room itself (as if trying to imprint the walls with the presence of their song). I felt so unseen and marginalized standing there surrounded by people to whom I did not belong. I could hear them because I was surrounded by them. The others inside could not. I wanted them to go away, I was feeling smothered and suffocated by the covert singing of hymns by some of them.

The head woman judge spoke to the crowd who had each agreed to pay $50 to be there at that moment, surrounding me, and told them that their $50 worth of time was over now, to bring the money forward to pay for their visit, and directed them that it was now time to leave the shul-temple. Visiting time was over. Each one was to bring his or her $50 to the person at the end of the table collecting the money for the visit.

The head woman judge looked at me. "I don't have $50, I didn't agree to pay $50," I said. "I'm not one of this group. I came in with him," I said, pointing to the rabbi who was standing away from the whole fiasco. The rabbi acknowledged me. The group left and I stayed behind in the room.

We all went into another less formal room. Everyone was now chanting Hebrew prayers and such things. The head woman judge said to me, "Do you think you could fit here?" "I don't know", I said, "I haven't said the prayers in a long time."

The scene changed. Now the rabbi was using me as a divining tool of some sort. He was holding me around the waist and I was leaning out from the waist, like we were attached at the waist. My arms and hands were free floating out into the space in front of us, as if my fingertips were "smelling" the air. I did not consciously direct the movement of my arms/hands, they moved as if they were a sense organ seeing what could not be seen, leading us toward something.

My fingertips touched different places in space and we all followed were they led. Suddenly, my fingertips turned around and I touched myself.

We were then inside a cave where a woman had been held captive for a long time. At first, the cave appeared empty. Again, I was used as a divining tool. There was dirty iron pot sitting on the ground near one corner of the back wall where waste had once been collected during her captivity. The rest of the cave was immaculately clean and well kept for a cave. She had been held prisoner here for a long time. Where was she now?

I looked and found a shallow grave, like a bump in the floor shaped like a body. Her body was still in it, protectively covered over by tightly woven soil (held together by fine plant roots) like an earthen shroud. With my hand, and my face near her face, I was able to poke through into the woven soil around her face, into the space in front of her face, and then started to pull back all the woven soil which protectively covered and sheltered her from the deathly dankness of the cave. As I did, exposure to the fresh air (we had brought with us by finding and opening to enter the cave) agreed with her. She didn't disintegrate like a mummy or once-enshrouded dead body exposed to air might have. Instead, death left her body and she came back to life. The shroud made of woven soil had kept safe her life.

We had to get her to the surface, and did quickly. Once on the surface, she was me I think. I could make no distinction between us. The rabbi pulled something away from us. It looked like a huge slate blue rock the size of a small boulder covered with a filmy luminescent membrane like that which covers a newborn. The thin membrane isolated the bulk of the rock from contact with everything else and held it congealed together like a ball. I knew what it was - it was death tumah. He threw it out into the water which was flowing like a river, to be carried away in the current of running water.

I woke up.

Consciousness Without Death

ט' באדר ב' תשס"ח
Raven 10

In Unblemished Mitzvah, I wrote that my soul is watered by a treasure of the hidden world, namely that known as Ein (אין), meaning "nothing" or "without". Ein is the state of nothing which precedes conscious awareness of Ein Sof (אין סוף, Without End). Conscious awareness of Ein Sof is known as Ein Sof Aur (אין סוף אור), the Light of Ein Sof.

This shabbat morning, before I wrote the entry, Unblemished Mitzvah, I had a waking vision of resurrection, as described in a subsequent entry, Up From The Grave.

Between Ein and Aur, between nothing and conscious awareness, in the name Ein Sof Aur, is the word Sof. Sof is usually translated as "end". Interestingly, another translation of "sof" is "death". Thus, a literal translation of Ein Sof Aur is "without death awareness". In other words, Ein Sof Aur is conscious awareness experienced within a state without death.

Thus, my writings today have gone from Ein (Unblemished Mitzvah and Holy Holy Holy Host) to Ein Sof (Up From The Grave) to Ein Sof Aur (Consciousness Without Death).

None of my writings are ever planned in advance. I sit in front of my computer and just start writing - like in the movie Finding Forrester - I just start writing. It's amazing what one discovers when one writes this way.

Up From The Grave

ט' באדר ב' תשס"ח
Raven 10

As I was waking up this shabbat morning, I had the most strikingly clear vision. I was hovering over the the surface of the earth looking down into a pit-like place which had been dug. It looked like a grave that had been opened up through aeons of time. The shadowy place was so essentially peaceful and reverberated with an embracing accumulation of many ancient, ancient days. The earth in which the pit had been dug had the smell of timeless eternity. I can't describe the excited tranquility that ran through me as I looked down into the dug pit of the earth to see ...

... an ancient box, like a sarcophagus. On it's dark lid was deeply inscribed a large pentacle of protection and identification. The sight was electrifying!

I came awake as the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I felt I had touched a beautiful secret and was participating in a resurrection of that contained within the box.

Mesorah Of The River Mnemosyne

י'ט בחשון תשס"ח

My maternal grandmother, Gladys Collins-Faulkner, granddaughter of Sue Turner-Grunwald and Will Grunwald, daughter of Elizabeth Grunwald-Faulkner and George Samuel Faulkner, mother of Cheryl Collins-Taylor and grandmother to Liorah Lleucu HaMasovevet, passed over early this morning of Samhain, Ram Cheshvan 19, האלון full of years at the age of 92.

Mnemosyne was also the name for a river in Hades, counterpart to the river Lethe, according to a series of 4th century BC Greek funerary inscriptions in dactylic hexameter. Dead souls drank from Lethe so they would not remember their past lives when reincarnated. Initiates were encouraged to drink from the river Mnemosyne when they died, instead of Lethe. These inscriptions may have been connected with a private mystery religion, or with Orphic poetry. (Wiki on Mnemosyne, Titan Goddess of Memory and Inventor of Words, One of three or four Elder Muses and Mother of nine Younger Muses.)

As a Mother of Eternal Life and a Mother of Muses, in the pure family tradition and mesorah of natural witches, may my grandmother, as I did preincarnately (described here and here), drink from Achdut, the River of Eternal Memory, the River Mnemosyne, and remember. Remember!

We are One.

I love you Grandma. May our memory be a blessing and carry us through it, to it, the brightening and the brilliance.

A witch is born, and by a witch a witch is made.

ברוך דיין האמת

Mesirut Nefesh Of The Goat For Azazel

ט' בתשרי תשס"ח

In follow-up to the Two Goats post regarding my mountaintop vision on the eighth day of Tishrei, kabbalah explains:

On the eighth day our service goes beyond the limits of the world. We step past all obstacles: those presented by evil, by our limited intellect, and even the limitations of the world as they are found in Torah, and reveal a service that is infinite, the service of Mesirut Nefesh (self-sacrifice).

An old poem of mine originally published on my musical website, entitled
Mesirut Nefesh, Modah Ani:

ever in my ear, a feast absolutely senseless, with a holy madness
seizing the moments, turning over time, plunging into history
one sight, one mind, our bodyguard
the curious melody that plays your heartsound, a mystery mark
weaving secretly through mine
upon reverberating strings jeweled with a rhythm of the land
smelling darkly deep, a resurrecting wine fully alive
aged on the way, homeward bound
body and soul, dancing like lovers with eternal breath
a song between two old friends
an extraordinary ordinary treasure
resting plainly like a tool within some wooden dreambox
gently blowing
the most beautiful light of midnight

Standing In The Sea, Descending To The Ark

ב' באב תשס"ז

In my previous entry, I wrote in my storm-raising dream, that I observed the mission in action while standing in the sea. This point is significant. While Jewish tradition teaches that successful prayer stands in the high places of the universe, my dream is also teaching that truth stands in the deep places of the universe, namely the deep deep cold cold sea (atzilut in assiyah). It truthfully stormed here last night, in my dream (atzilut in yetzirah) and in the physical world (atzilut in assiyah).

The "standing" prayer in Jewish tradition is the Amidah prayer. This prayer pertains to the world of atzilut (nearness to the Divine) and to the idea of resurrection of the dead (techiyat hametim) [1]. Following the Amidah prayer, in the liturgical service comes Kriat HaTorah (being called up to the Torah).

The kabbalistic concept of standing pertains to the ability of the entire array of sefirot to work in balanced harmony, without which one could not stand on one's legs in a place so deep it whispers silently, moving among one's dreams. One stands before descending to the ark holding the Torah in the Temple.

Footnote:

[1] On the southern corner of my Jewitch altar on the east wall of my bedroom is a black bowl always containing pure spring water and salt from the Dead Sea in Israel.

Lady Life Of The Endless Sea

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

(lyrics above from Loreena McKennett's Dante's Prayer)

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Anochi Hua

כ"ח בתמוז תשס"ז

This morning, I dreamt.

A mountain with stone steps (madreiga) carved into it had risen up. Living stone creatures with exceedingly long outstretched arms (Devarim 26:8) and small bodies of nothingness emerged at various places from the substance (chomer חומר) and form (tzurah צורה) which was the mountain, descending from amidst the steps and passages winding within it to take up stations on the steps on the mountainside. If a human was sitting on a step a living stone creature was meant to take up position on, the creature shooed the human from the step via action of its long outstretched arms, even though no human being could see the living stone creatures - except for me, I could see them.

Some of the stone creatures who had come to life took up stations in the town. The living stone creatures were taking up stations to prepare for the resurrection, arrival and protection of Pharaoh [1], She Who Must Not Be Named.

Finally, one of the living stone creatures entered my parents' home, where I am currently staying. I faced it as it entered. The living stone creature smiled at me, as if it was pleased to be recognized by me. It occurred to me that I may be Pharaoh.

I woke up. I am Pharaoh.

Anochi (אנכי), the first word of the first commandment of the aseret ha'dibrot ("10" commandments) which encompasses the entire Torah, the Divine "I" who "takes us out of Mitzrayim", and the unified source of all 620 mitzvot is an Egyptian word.

אנכי הוא

Torah Wisdom

Interestingly, we witness in Shemot 20:2, Anochi is written once, and in Yeshayahu 43:11-12, Anochi is repeated 3 times, for a total of 4 times. Chew on that, on the record.

Anochi, Anochi, even Anochi, that Anochi am She.
אנכי, אנכי אנכי, אנכי הוא

Footnote:

[1] The word pharaoh is from the shoresh פרע with a cognate meaning of "to emerge from constraints" (Etymological Dictionary of Biblical Hebrew, R' Matityahu Clark).

Related Entries:
She, Revealing The Sacred Feminine
Anomaly On The Record

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Tyet & Techiyat Hametim

כ"א באדר תשס"ז
The shared love of Osiris and Isis from the womb relates to my prenatal experience of quantum consciousness (here and here), and significantly, also pertains to Niddah 30b with respect to the "candle in the womb". The knot of Isis (tyet, girdle of Isis) symbolizes the link to resurrection (techiyat hametim) in the physical world of this eternal shared love. In other words, the knot of Isis is an ancient Egyptian consciousness symbol for feminine prenatal memory of the archetypal eternal love which reverberates through the story of Osiris and Isis.


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Key To The Temple

I dreamt.

The community was building an important structure which would fill everyone in it with "complete" power. Selected members were being processed through an assembly line-like house to have each one's primordially frozen "mummy" brought back to life. The resurrection of my mummy was key to completing the structure and filling everyone with power.

I was standing beside my mummy. Even though he wasn't fully alive yet, I could see his eyes looking out at me from inside the frozen mummy encasing his essence. I love him.

At some place of the assembly unknown to me, the woman overseeing one point of the resurrections had torn off the form of my mummy's right arm just below the elbow. I picked up the torn arm from somewhere. It's unclear how and when she did it. Nevertheless, I saw the arm and retrieved it.

The woman had maimed us on purpose. I was different. I didn't tow the line. The community didn't want to bring my mummy back completely whole. She had torn off his arm so that his power and my power would be crippled when the community structure was realized. She had done it because that's what those holding power in the community had told her to do.

I was key to completing the structure, so they needed to resurrect my mummy to life. But, if my mummy was brought back unmaimed, he and I would be the most powerful in the community. The community leaders didn't want that. They wanted to maintain their positions of power and we might pose a problem, if we had the power to resist and overcome their power. So, the community leaders had ordered my mummy be maimed before being resurrected.

But, I resisted this. And I know that I am the key to completion of the structure. It can't be built without me. NO ONE gets filled unless my mummy's arm is fixed and healed. I'm not moving until it's done. End of discussion. I stopped the assembly line. I refused to move. Looking into my mummy's eyes, he looked back through them into mine. I love him. No one is getting anything until his arm is fixed and healed. The line was no longer moving.

I put the arm back into its place and waited for the woman, as a community representative, to "seal" it, which would seal its healing. She didn't want to do it, she consulted with those in power, and she finally agreed to do it. Otherwise no one was going anywhere, getting anything and no one's mummy would be resurrected. She and the community knew I was witch enough to do exactly what I threatened to do - to stop the whole friggin' process. And that is exactly what I was doing.

You see, I already have the power to resist and say no. Maimed or not maimed.

I woke up.

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Running On Regalim

I dreamt.

The oppressive rulers were gathering up people on a small ridge [1, רכס] and throwing them into a large river [2,7] to kill them. I was brought there too. A man was with me and we escaped from the gathered crowd of people. Our escape was noticed.

We had a head start, running (see ratzo vashov) from our pursuers רודפים, but the man I was with knew those pursuing us would soon catch up. We were running on foot [3, רגלים see shalosh regalim and exile].

We had no weapons with which to kill them, so the man decided to lock us up so that we couldn't be taken back to the river or be killed bodily by spear. There were two lockers nearby. So, first he locked me up in what looked like a long body-length (see guf kadosh) school or gym locker [4,7 ארונית]. Then he locked himself up in the one next to it. Our locked lockers stood (amidah), and then lay resting side by side (see world-to-come and totafot).

The pursuers caught up with us. They knew we were hiding in the locked lockers (see 7 double letters, sefer yetzirah) but they couldn't unlock the lockers to pull out and recapture us. They tried very hard to unlock our hiding places (setarim סתרים), but were unsuccessful.

In frustration, they tried to "poke through" the locked door of my locker (see alef) with their fingers to spear me. I saw the temporary "indentation" where they tried to poke their way into my chamber. The mystery metal somehow allowed the form to show the attempt, like a malleable membrane might conform to the form of that trying but unable to break through.

When they realized that they wouldn't be able to break in to draw me out they decided to throw [5] our lockers out into deep dark space. And they did.

Yet, when they had gone, our lockers landed back down on earth (see ratzo vashov). We emerged [6].

Footnotes:

[1] from the shoresh רכס meaning to connect or bind artificially

[2] "The Ari spent much of his time secluded in a small house along the Nile river where he studied uninterruptedly. Here Eliyahu Ha'navi would appear to him and teach him the secrets of the Torah known as Sod or Kabbalah. He once told his students that it would take him eighty years to teach them what he was able to learn in just one night. " Israel iguide

[3] "There are two kinds of middos, those with which one is born and those to which one must acclimate oneself. Those with which one is born are called "derachav" (his path), for they are one's derech from the beginning of one’s creation. Those to which one becomes acclimated are called regel (habit or foot), because one becomes acclimated (hirgil) to them. "Those [middos] to which one becomes acclimated, one must guard and straighten them a lot. When one guards them, then those that were in one's nature will certainly be guarded." R' Dov Kramer, Aish Das

[4] lockers, from the shoresh ארה meaning to contain and leader, as opposed to the shoresh נעל meaning foot (see Barefoot Path of the Neviah).

[5] "There is also a verb derived from yad - ידה - meaning 'to throw, hurl, cast'. " Dave at Balashon on the letter yod

[6] "To survive and emerge physically unaffected exemplifies the existential power of spontaneous rebirth-the Divine "Holy of Holies" imbuing the soul of the would-be martyr with the power to metamorphose his body. This level corresponds to the actual "spark of God" within the yehida of the Jewish soul. This spark derives from the essence of the Infinite Light above ("preceding") the primordial contraction"-tzimtzum. The secret of tzimtzum excludes, from the perspective of creation, the possibility of an absolute miracle as described above. The "spark of God" enclothed within each Jewish soul allows for the manifestation of such a miracle. This is ultimately the secret and purpose of the presence of the Jewish soul in creation." R' Yitzach Ginsburgh, Gal Einai Institute

[7] Note the shoresh (ארה) of the word I chose to denote locker (ארונית) is from the same root as Ari (lion, aryeh אריה) who spent time by the side of the Nile.

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Strong Medicine, Resisting The Curse

I dreamt.

In a large room of a house with many people in it, the invisible shadow of a strange sickness (דוה) from a kabbalistic curse was "freezing" people (within the greater community) in time, turning them into stone-like immobile frozen statues. Like meeting the gaze of Medusa. I had resisted the effects of the curse. I was immune (הוד).

Some of the elders of the community wanted to see if my immunity could be imparted to others in the community, like a cure or something. They took me to the house of one family who had been entirely frozen in place by the kabbalistic curse. As I entered and walked through the house, the members of the family started to become unfrozen in their places. The curse was lifting and they were coming back to life.

It was amazing! the elders said. They had found a source for a cure for the curse that was destroying the community.

I woke up.

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Mafteach Shel Techiyat HaMetim - She Loves Him

I dreamt.

I was at an exclusive school, sort of like a school for X-Men. I was an odd-ball student. Strange. Different. On a bus with other students. A disabled boy got on. We were attached somehow. Of the same soul family.

The scene changed. I was no longer a little girl. I was a beautiful woman with long dark hair - very Lilith looking. Still at the school, but no longer on the bus, I was the subject of an experiment. One of the teachers disabled me - he drove a wooden peg through the back of my head at the base of my skull which came out my mouth. It didn't kill me though, it was to "make me mortal" and had to do with having babies somehow. It tied me to someone permanently. And having babies - big silent shreeeeek! (good thing this is just a dream) I was too dangerous untied.

I was walking up the stairs in a mansion with a man. We were "secret" lovers in our hearts. I was a few steps ahead on the stairs.

Below me and between us a mummy appeared, like the mummy was my husband or something (so it claimed to be to my "lover"). The mummy scared the man (who was my "secret" lover in the dream) - making him think he had done something wrong and that the mummy had power to kill him on account of it. To avoid "death by mummy" the man had to do "supernatural gymnastics" through space and down the stairs. So, he did. He did supernatural somersaults through the air and down the stairs, thinking to flee "death by mummy".

I couldn't do these kinds of somersaults. All I could do was be there at the end of them. So, I walked down the stairs to the end of his projecting path somewhere in the school center. And found him laying there, his head in a pool of blood.

I saw that during the supernatural gymnastics, his heel had caught on a handrailing, perturbing the path and tripping up his landing. Instead of landing on his feet, he landed on his head and cracked open his skull. He was dying and blood was spilling out the back of his head.

It was instinctual. I put my hands on either side of his head and into his head. What I did was at once like a vulcan mind meld, like Trinity did to Neo when he was fatally struck in the first Matrix movie (resurrecting him by telling him to get up and not die because she loved him), and like Neo did to Trinity's heart after she had been fatally shot in the second Matrix movie (removing the fatal bullet).

I lifted his head up off the ground, leaving the death that permeated it on the ground. The blood and blackness and the facial likenesses of both of us were seared into the ground, but his head was whole and without blemish in my hands. And he was alive.

And I knew it (פ). I was now mortal. We were both now mortal beings.

There was nothing else that I could do. It was instinctual and beyond my will really. I had sensed it coming, having read the space between the lines and letters.

I woke up. Three words/phrases and an idea flashed through my waking consciousness: scooter, king of the road (words from a song), MG and vulcan mind meld.

Oh, how I have fallen, fallen into mortal life:

Before birth, we did not lift our hands onto a Torah scroll and swear, but every fiber of our being was charged with passion for our mission. We may have forgotten the encounter with the angel but the invigoration from that parting persists. Each individual is primed, with every fiber of his or her heart, to become a Tzadik. (from The Commitment At Birth)

ki chatan damim ata li ... chatan damim lamulot ... Shemot 4:25-26

Shabbat & The Prenatal Oath

Shabbat Consciousness & Mindful Reconcilation

Chanah, Elisha, Elishaba, Mafteach Shel Techiyat HaMetim, Motherhood Connections

On My Hebrew Names ליאורה חנה אלישבע צברה

Techiyat HaMetim Sources In Tanakh, Talmud, Midrash & Commentaries

Lurianic Kabbalah, Sod Ha'Ibbur & Soul Families

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