ו' בטבת תשע"ב
Here's a photo of me in 2004. Of course, I'm older now, have black hair and wear glasses, but the attitude is still exactly the same.
Here's a second picture of me ... oh, wait, this one is actually of Wednesday Addams. She's just such a cool character - I identify with her, love that Dark Angel attitude for sure! I too, am "not perky."
Tribute to Wednesday Addams, she who understands me.
I dress myself in black
In black from head to heels
I take my promise back
'Cause you don't know how it feels
No, you don't take me as I am
No, you don't want to know at all
Who is the face behind the mask?
I'll be the one who'll make you fall
I'll be the one
The one to take you under
I hate the light of day
I'm happy when it rains
The stars shine on my way
But the memory remains
No, you don't take me as I am
I'll be the one
The one to take you under
I am the night's revenge
I've got a soul to sell
And yet a fist to clench
So wait for me in hell
I'll be the one
Wait for me in hell
I'll see you in hell
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
ל׳ בכסלו תשע"ב
In follow-up to earlier entries (Blood Vessel and Yuletide Sky Riders: A Symphony of Light and Shadow), I'm reposting the above video and this dream (Druid Measures) from 2006:
I dreamt of a Celtic community during the dark ages. They were Druids. There were a few Jews also "resident" in the community. I was there as a hybrid, simultaneously from the future and from the time in which the dream took place, of both the Druid community and of the few Jews who lived among them.
It was an extremely brutal time, the dark ages. Especially for children. Many never survived childhood for various reasons. Laws were harsh and strictly enforced. Children and adults were often killed for various violations of the laws. It was a matter of survival, the harsh justice.
Without the harsh laws, the community would succumb to the warlike brutality spiraling in increase outside the protected village. This was the thinking among the majority of community elders.
Despite every effort to hold back the approaching assault, the brutal pogroms outside came against the Druids and reached toward the protected village, my village. I saw the children's faces here, around their eyes painted coal black. I also saw how "the others" saw the children of the Druids - as darkly oppressed. As one among them, I didn't feel oppressed. I felt protected here.
Two Druid priestesses came forward from that ancient time into my dream, just as the brutal warlike forces outside were poised to breach the boundaries of the protected village. The Druid priestesses were older women, in black hooded Druid cloaks. The Elders had misused the power, and the old laws had become corrupted in these warring times. But these two Druidesses knew the Old Ways of uncorrupted teaching, and even though I was not "only" Celtic and had "other blood" in me as well (all my other current ancestries, even in the dream), I was worthy to receive the teaching. Perhaps, my "mixture" will in some manner serve to prevent the "corruption" and unbalance of power which typically comes when any "purebred" (of any human lineage) achieves a high level. Something about being of one bloodline is so not good at a certain point in mystical work (and leads to some sort of distortion of clarity). The two Druidesses believed that having more than one bloodline served to balance out and bring clarity to the blind spots, each of the other(s). Together, even though each Druid priestess had at the same time "found me" independently of the other, they are both going to teach me, so that the Old Ways will live on. I am now an apprentice Druid priestess made of many bloodlines (joined immutably together as one in me).
The dark cloud which permeated the dream lifted following the pogrom against the specific area associated with my "tribe" (as the dream changed to one with me on the run), informing me that the time associated with this dream is the threshold of time joining European prehistory (i.e., politically obliterated history) and history.
I woke up.
Dare to be true to yourself - this is a key to the Mysteries.
כ״ט בכסלו תשע"ב
In follow-up to my previous entry (Yuletide Sky Riders - A Symphony of Light and Shadow), I had a second dream last night, early this morning.
Suddenly, a man grabbed my wrist, cut into my wrist where the main artery is located, and pulled out a web of four blood vessels. At first I thought I'd surely die from this, but I didn't. The man brought the four webbing blood vessels together and joined them together into one blood vessel, fixing my blood circulation problem. He then tucked the single joined blood vessel back into my wrist and closed it up.
I woke up.
And a river went out (וְנָהָר יֹצֵא) of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became four heads. [Genesis 1:10]
"A river went out" (נָהָר יֹצֵא) may also be translated as "light emerged" and "light emanated."
And the name of my own four "blood rivers" are Celtic, Norse, Jewish and Native American. And I am a unified vessel fit for the Ancestors.
כ״ט בכסלו תשע"ב
Last night, early this morning, I dreamt.
Thick newly fallen white snow covered the ground in my small town. It was Yuletide. (Though I have never done this is real life) I was walking with family (and many other families) on a tour of the holiday light decorations up Vermilion Street. We walked toward the North direction.
In this tour, we all laid down in the new snow like snow angels to watch the coming festival of Lights. Lying upon the snow-blanketed earth, everyone with excited anticipation watched the sky overhead. Suddenly, Lights (like Northern Lights) emerged and began flashing all over the entire face of the sky, riding from one edge of the sky to the other - all over and everywhichway in a beautiful symphony of Light and Shadow. The lights we saw took on forms - it was the real mythic meaning behind the Mystery of Santa Claus we were seeing - Ancestral spirit riders of the skies bringing gifts of blessings to us!
This is the pagan mythic origin of the night ride of Santa Claus bringing gifts via flight through the night sky. It is also related to the Biblical shamanic ancestral Vision of Ezekiel.
And the living creatures ran and returned as the appearance of a flash of lightning. [Ezekiel 1:14]
Now it came to pass in the thirtieth year, in the fourth month, in the fifth day of the month, as I was among the captives by the river Chebar that the heavens were opened, and I saw visions of Elohim. [Ezekiel 1:1] The Elohim are the Divine Ancestors.
This year, December 27 is the first day of the fourth month of the Hebrew calendar (Tishrei, Marcheshvan, Kislev, Tevet). Tevet (the month of Ezekiel's vision) contains a portion of the 13 sacred days and the 12 sacred nights of the traditional Yuletide season. Ezekiel's fifth day of the month is the the thirteenth day of the thirteen sacred days.
Related entries -
Yuletide: A Time for Receiving Blessings by the Ancestors
כ״ט בכסלו תשע"ב
Yuletide was originally a time for receiving blessings by the Ancestors.
From the video description:
"The Ancient season of Yule which includes The Midwinter Solstice (the shortest day of the Year, 21st December) is a Sacred time of reflection and celebration. Many different cultures from the Nordic Vikings and Celtic Druids, the ancient Egyptians and Hopi Indians have ritualized this time to promote Spiritual Unity, Peace and Joy.
December 21, 22, 23
December 24 Mother's night, (Modraniht (Anglo-Saxon)
December 24 -- January 6 = The 12 Sacred nights/'Time between the Years'
The 13 Sacred Days & 12 Sacred Nights
The Magickal season of deepest darkness starts in the Celtic tradition at Samhain, slightly earlier in the Nordic tradition. During this supernatural time of Yuletide we may walk between the worlds. Now that the veil between the worlds is thin, all sorts of Otherworldly beings including the dead roam the earth, we may even encounter elves or trolls and also Gods and Goddesses.
The Twelve Sacred Nights of Yule start with Mother's Night (December 24th) and are considered the 'Time Between the Years', the difference of days between the lunar year and the solar year. As the old would end with Winter Solstice the New Year would only start at the end of the Rauhnaechte (January 6th). During this time Odin rides the storm winds with his army of the dead, both in the Wild Hunt and also leading them to their afterlife new, most importantly the ensuing storms in their wake stir the fertility of the earth for the New Year...
Odin appears to be 'blind' in one eye which he sacrificed at the Well of Wisdom for Understanding, with this eye he sees the underworld and afterlife...
The tradition of bringing sprigs of Holly and Ivy into the home pays homage to the masculine and feminine elements. Both of these powerfully magickal plants are evergreen, a reminder in itself that the earth never dies, but merely sleeps during the winter months."
Monday, December 19, 2011
כ״ד בכסלו תשע"ב
I don't have time right now to write more, but I need to make note of this right now. At the end of a dream I had back in 2006 (Druid Measures), though I didn't write of it at the time, there was another portion of the dream I left unwritten.
In the following video, there is an archeological excavation scene (starting at 21:10) in Silchester, UK at the ancient Celtic city known as Calleva Atrebatum. As soon as I saw this, it triggered in me recognition! Later in the linked dream, the opened ground at the excavation is a place where I hid from Roman soldiers! I can still see it in my mind.
Calleva, I know you.
"One element of that community was Irish, evidenced by the remarkable discovery of a stone carved with ogham, a form of writing that originated in southern Ireland and that is unlikely to date before the beginning of the fifth century." [Source: City of the Dead: Calleva Atrebatum]
Ogham inscriptions have been found there - the writing of the Druids!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
כ״א בכסלו תשע"ב
My design of a two Celtic Druidic Awen symbols (one upward, one downward) which when brought together, form the mystical magical Seal of Solomon. Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Spirit, Goddess-Consciousness.
It is written in The Pillars of Tubal Cain [by Nigel Jackson and Michael Howard who posit that *Solomon's Temple was constructed as a Goddess Shrine*], "It is said that the temple [of Solomon] was not built by human hands because allegedly a mysterious worm or serpent-like creature called the Shamir carved out and cut the stones. Other stories say that Solomon enlisted supernatural help to build it in the form of elemental servitors he conjured using his powers as a magician."
Interestingly, about 15 years ago, I wrote a mystic poem about the *Shamir*. Like my earlier poems, this one also describes one of my preincarnate memories of truly magical, experiential consciousness.
SHAMIR, DI-VISIONS OF THE NIGHT
first rhythms ever plunge, eternal hosts driven into life
drawing through a field of topographic brilliance
where judgment lovingly flows, churning out whole stones
resting against asymmetries trying, like diamonds in chaos
proto-perception foams, over annihilating operations
and from it, dark bursts of lucidity finely entwine
coarse grains of almost something, almost yet sufficient
the silent rush of yet nothing slides, wildly as percolating pivots
diligently thread through it, casting clarity
upon myriads, hard pauses startle into vision
projecting arrays without mass, strings of confluency
impressing discovery, a shadowy tail-end lingers
between depths of opposite observation
iterating embraces of many meanings like quasi-quanta
gathering functions about the head and, and
spinning spectra, pushing forward, yearning toward home
not knowing, yet only knowing
as some featureless reach edging edges stretches out
the magnetic sweet dance
where divisions collapse like crystal caves
softly sprinkling the belly of the night divine
with bytes of thoughtbare kisses
extending the glorious field of apprehension
Shamir in the magical Hebrew alphabet is a word deriving from the root שמר which means generically to protect and to distance from danger. The root drawn out into a word specifically meaning "divisons of the night" is found in the ancient Hebrew sacred book of Exodus [14:24], where it is written "and it came to pass in the DIVISIONS OF THE NIGHT, that Deity looked forth ..." Consequently, taking all this together, we can easily see that SHAMIR indeed pertains Goddess consciousness and to the Creative Force of AWEN She bestows.
The Hebrew correspondence to Celtic AWEN is HASHRA'AH.
Related entry - Sacred Sorceress Soy Pillar Candle
Monday, December 12, 2011
ט״ז בכסלו תשע"ב
That which has been is that which shall be, and that which has been done is that which shall be done; and there is nothing new under the sun. [from the ancient Hebrew Wisdom Literature, Kohelet 1:9]
In follow-up note to my previous two entries (Karma and Reincarnation in Traditional Witchcraft and Matzah Consciousness), Kabbalah teaches (Anthony Kosinec lecture) that “there is nothing new under the sun,” and that:
any event that will occur in our world, is not existence from absence, but rather existence from existence. It is an entity that has stripped off its former shape, and taken on another, different from the first
in the melting pot of Ceridwen's Cauldron as taught similarly in Traditional Witchcraft. Kabbalah also teaches that:
... the essence is called “the basis.” It is called “Matza.” It is the essential, basic material that we are created from. It is something that the Creator made from nothing; it is existence from non-existence, something from nothing. That essence, that Matza or basis, which is pure information ... we see that the essence is not controlled in any way by the dressing. It’s something that can dress or undress into new forms of life. Now, if we can begin to see that same system working in regards to our level then we can begin to see what is occurring and to be able to direct what is occurring [see A Stable Combination], we may be able to find a point by which we actually have some kind of choice in the process. This basis, this Matza, consists of the origin and the mentality of all of our ancestors ...
and from here we are intimately and essentially linked to, and may access all the Knowledge, Experience and Wisdom of our Ancestors.
ט״ז בכסלו תשע"ב
In follow up to my previous post discussing the teachings of Traditional Witchcraft on subjects such as karma and reincarnation (which differ from the beliefs of many if not most neo-Pagans), here is a pentalpha of five poems (selected from many) I wrote (probably about 15 or more years ago during a concentrated Bardic/Psalmist phase upon my path as a magically inclined witch mystic) which relate to the Celtic idea (and teaching of Traditional Witchcraft) of climbing out of the Cauldron of Ceridwen and to being a Being WHOLE of CONSCIOUSNESS. Notably and relevant to my path as a Traditional Witch, these poems support the idea that the consciousness making up me in the life I am currently experiencing is a Stably Whole combination of elemental consciousness. Moreover, the stable unique elemental consciousness of being making up me indeed is so stable, IT REMEMBERS it's own coming together as an individual, namely me, even while existing within the Cauldron of Ceridwen. Also importantly, my experiences of memory further support that **I** in a state of Pure Wholistic Consciousness participated in the unique creation of my own personal individuality. I share these poems and my experiences to share the reality and Truth of the Teaching of Traditional Witchcraft:
A STABLE COMBINATION (a preincarnate memory of existence, originally published under the title A DANCE OF OUTLIERS)
asymmetries oscillating iterating disequilibrium
rushing in circuits of fluctuation imperfectly, perfect!
exotic attractors embedding the spinning critical magnetism
stretching out and considering, yet thoughtbare
projecting and collapsing, gathering with distance, yet near
trying and trying in motionless motion
extending apprehension, passing over, passing under, all around
tying knots of charged connection binding quanta of stops
concentrating conjunctions, strengthening two by two, yes and no
drawing out distinctions of uniqueness, outliers in some quantum time
establishing eccentricities, coagulating singularities
against the rhythm, making discretions
wavelets of indeterminate interval, itty bytes
contracting, constructing, expanding the matrix of translation
reproducing intensity superposing virtual phases of doing ... what
stringing a river of elucidating brilliance responding
to the essential siren current of the one opposite reflection
intercalating delights, perturbing stones of memory
driving the tug dancing between ignorance and knowing
exchanging a mystery, mysterious mysterious, inside out
curling across fields, and between, from some side
end against end, propagating the dynamic
wrestling the source toward convergence
in the matter
CAULDRON CONSCIOUSNESS (a preincarnate memory of existence, originally published under the title CAULDRON)
forged without calculation
reverberating with eternal essence, the lifeforce
brewing namelessly under the nostrils, purifying recognition
some thoughtbare combination, a tasty transformation
within a witch's cauldron, over colorless flames darkly
simmering a stew of primeval mysteries
including everything, yet nothing yet
percolating in silence, an utterly female science
patiently pivoting tongs stirring that connection
sustaining completely, from the timeless time to come
ESSENTIAL AND TRUE (a preincarnate memory of existence, originally published under the title METAMORPHOSIS)
cast through a river of fire
eternally reverberating impressions orienting
something essential, something true
blended together as one
igniting with life
a metamorphosis divine
some celestial darkness into endless light
CREATURE OF THE NIGHT ETERNAL (a preincarnate memory of existence)
deep deep complete
creature of the night eternal
a touch divine, a bit insane, off the edge
plunging into a cutting clarity
stark and undistorted
without echo, raw tradition
a serpent song, a scorpion tale
thirsting inside out, like a finger of the endless
from the heart of the dark
DARK DIVINE (a preincarnate memory of existence)
of some humble brilliance
expressing a human tale
of the dark divine
as wonders run to life
through this tapestry of night casting kisses
of endless light
oh! how the heights envy
the depths of darkness breathing with the glory
of one perfect peace
ט״ז בכסלו תשע"ב
Do we truly get back what we give? Does what goes around truly come around? It is very self-evident in the experience for most of us that the answer to these questions is not necessarily or simply - not the way you might think. For the Traditional Witch, the truth rests betwixt the horns (of enlightenment). Peter Paddon writes (A Grimoire for Modern Cunningfolk):
For the average neo-Pagan or Wiccan ... karma is about what goes around comes around [karma] ... Karma and reincarnation in the mind of the average neo-Pagan are closely aligned, because karma is said to extend beyond this lifetime and into the next. You can be working off a karmic debt from a previous lifetime in this one ...
But are these beliefs as held by the average neo-Pagan true? Not according to Traditional Witchcraft. As Peter Paddon again informs us, Traditional Witchcraft teaches:
We don't all get the right to reincarnate ... [reincarnation] is alot more complicated than that [than as the average neo-Pagan believes]. The concept is that when we die, the essence of who we are and what we are gets basically put into this huge melting pot, and becomes part of a cosmic soup from which ladles of new humanity are poured forth. And so, whilst we do get to come back, we don't get to come back as a single entity ... we get recycled ... this ties in to very well what the Celts believed. There is alot of evidence to show that the Brythonic Celts of Wales especially [my (Liorah Lleucu) ancestors, BTW] had this concept of the Cauldron of Ceridwen where we all go back into the cauldron when we die, and it's only the most elite and special people - who have earned the right to reincarnate as whole entities - who are able to climb out unscathed from the cauldron. Everyone else gets boiled down into the soup and recycled. This is really an important thing to me. It's a very key part of the Tradition I follow, the concept of the Mighty Dead. They end up becoming the great teachers, the great bards, the great characters of history and mythology. The basic idea about the soup is that all these components get pulled out in different combinations, and it's, if you like, the powers that be are looking for stable combinations. And when a combination is stable, it creates the scenario where that person is able to qualify to become one of the Mighty Dead ... Now, this then enables these people who've managed to retain their INTEGRITY [emphasis added] to come back as themselves for several lives and to be great teachers ...
So, do we truly get what we give? and does what goes around truly come around?
Traditional Witches are not governed by a moral code such as the Wiccan Rede or by the average concept of karma. In contradistinction to the average neo-Pagan, Traditional Witches are driven to ACT ETHICALLY and to CHEAT FATE (which for many may ultimately be to be boiled down in the cauldron) and to ask ourselves - am I willing to pay the coin for the action I am about to do? In this way, we are driven to maintain our INTEGRITY as whole Being of Consciousness. Taken together, all this clearly implies that if we give love (or anything else we may give), we may not necessarily get love (or anything else we may give) in return. Traditional Witches do not act in order to get back what we give. Traditional Witches choose to act with integrity, to take responsibility for any action taken and to pay the coin for any mistakes we may make along the way - ultimately, if we act without integrity and with malice, the coin we may be ultimately charged is to be found an unstable entity of consciousness and without the ability to climb out of Ceridwen's cauldron into a new life WHOLE.
ט״ז בכסלו תשע"ב
As written in The Pillars of Tubal Cain - "The leader of the Watchers [known as Irin in Hebrew angelogy] or fallen angels was Shemayaza or Azazel ... Azazal was an early form of the sacrificial or divine king who had to die so that his tribe and the land could be healed and fertilized."
Can it be that the Watchers of ancient Hebrew tradition are indeed carrying the same spirit of Esoteric Tradition like those who walk the Pagan Wheel of the Year "carrying" the cycle of the Sacred King as do heroes like Llew, Math, Osiris and even Jesus?
The answer to that is YES.
Friday, November 11, 2011
י״ד בחשון תשע"ב
Phasma Priscus 17
My granddaughter Makenzie was born today 11/11/11, weighing in at 5 lbs 10 oz, 18 inches long! She is my mother's 11th great grandchild. Four elevens!
5 lbs 10 oz, 18 inches long = 5 + 10 + 18 = 33 = 11/11/11
Sunday, November 06, 2011
ט׳ בחשון תשע"ב
Phasma Priscus 12
When is a good time for money spells? Thursday, November 10th, is the Full Treasure Moon in Taurus (3:16PM EST), an auspicious time for any spell involving money matters and business success. The full moon in Taurus "brings a final confrontation with whatever stands between you and your dreams." Thursday is the day!
Join us on Facebook to participate in our online group Money spell!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
י"ג בתשרי תשע"ב
The new Witchcrafts Artisan Alchemy™ website is live! Check it out!
Still in its infancy and adding stock, please check back often as the shoppe continues to grow and develop its dynamic magical inventory.
Posted by Lori at 3:28 PM
Thursday, September 15, 2011
ט״ז באלול תשע"א
WITCHCRAFTS Artisan Alchemy™ by Liorah Lleucu is expanding and will unveil its new website within the next few weeks! The shoppe will still be available on Etsy but my new website will allow me to expand the magical inventory in ways unavailable to my Etsy shoppe. Look for the link announcement in the weeks to come!!!
The new website will be open for business some time between Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and Samhain, the Celtic New Year.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
א' באלול תשע"א
One of my regular customers inquired as to my personal experience with astral projection and I think that some of my response to that inquiry is worthwhile to share publicly with all my customers.
The Importance of Ancestral Traditions to Safe Astral Projection
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
כ״א באב תשע"א
Very interesting educational video on evolutionary consciousness ... explains the Mayan calendar and suggests that we may enter a radically new reality by October 28, 2011 as opposed to December 2012. Indeed, where may we be as conscious beings this Samhain, the ancient Celtic New Year?
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
כ״ה בתמוז תשע"א
In follow-up to previous posts (Ner Tamid, Travellers' Sphere of Protection, Goldener Apfel) on this blog and my shoppe blog, I note that just a few days ago, during the infamous Three Weeks, it was announced that an ancient Golden Bell from the Kohen Gadol's garment was excavated near the wall of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem (HT - Mystical Paths for pointing this out today).
This is interesting, given the announcement's synchronicity with my new Golden Candles (see first line end-links above) and the fact that the priestly Golden Bells are associated specifically with a Kohen Gadol embarked upon a traveling expedition (see first line middle link above).
Usually translated as 'a Golden Bell,' the Hebrew phrase פַּעֲמֹן זָהָב may alternatively be translated as 'a Golden Metronome.' The word metronome derives from Greek metron (meaning 'measure') and nomos (meaning 'regulating'). The Hebrew word from which both translations (bell and metronome) derive comes from the shoresh פעם which can mean several things, including 'stunning' and 'to surge' (emotionally or psychically). Certainly, my Golden Candles are beautifully stunning and surge with mystically magical emotive fire.
Also, in synchronicity, the Hebrew Torah phrase not only mentions "Stunning Golden Measures which Regulate," but also, the next phrase in the Torah text following "a golden bell" is וְרִמּוֹן - "and a pomegranate" - a new candle set also posted on my shoppe blog the same day as the Golden Apple, see my stunning Midnight Pomegranate votives and tapered pillar here and here.
So, synchronicities keep piling up.
כ״ד בתמוז תשע"א
Last night I dreamt.
My husband, children and I were travelling [this family of mine that I was travelling with had no real life identities associated with it, and may be symbolic]. My husband and I had at least three children, none were babies or toddlers or teenagers. It seems we were travelling up toward the Chicago area. We stopped for the night a bit south of the Chicago area to stay overnight in a fancy luxurious motel fitted with anything we could desire. Our accomodations in this fancy motel had been paid for by business associates of some kind.
The motel was more like a large apartment with several bedrooms, a full extended kitchen, food, drinks, a booth table in one particular dining area, televisions of all sizes, and so many extras that I didn't take note of them all. I did note that every single one of the televisions was turned on when we arrived, which I thought was strange (particularly since I am person who likes quiet). There was also another thing I thought strange - a wooden trap-door-like structure in the floor in one of the many den areas which when open revealed a water filled well or lake beneath it. It was supposedly there for those who enjoyed fishing to fish (like ice-fishers fish through holes cut into the ice over a frozen lake, only this wasn't a frozen lake but warm water). The dark water reminded of the old film Creature from the Black Lagoon. There was definitely something dangerous down there in that water. The place was open when we arrived, but I closed the wooden door in the floor over it.
Not a person who likes fishing myself, the whole arrangement was now very fishy to me. My suspicions had been aroused the moment I walked through the door of our motel 'room' which was so luxuriously more than just a motel room for the night. I felt we had been deliberately put into a situation like in the song Hotel California, where people check in but they don't check out. This was a test, no doubt.
I saw telepathically that the business associates who had booked this 'room' for us had spoken or did speak quasi-assuringly to my husband (thinking I could not hear, I think) at some point 'not to worry' and that around us all was a circle of protection from Binah. I knew that this level of protection was insufficient for the dangers lurking by staying in this room for the night, and I also discerned that my husband was not assured by the assurance given by the business associates, so I whispered to my husband, into his ear, "don't worry, our sphere of protection extends much much deeper than that." We indeed would survive this night, where none others had.
Right before waking up - and this is very weird, but here it is - I saw that our business associates had somehow put us (our family) into a 'car' (like those in a ride at an amusement park) over the place where the 'fishing hole in the floor' was. The car was supposed to flip over (or rotate like an amusement park ride), but they had fixed it to drop us into the dark water where we would be trapped forever with the creature who was down there and who would kill us, but I fixed their fix and outsmarted them. We flipped over into the water for sure, but I had arranged it so that the creature that was down there was caught in the car and came up into the motel room where we weren't and where the business associates who were trying to kill us were.
We were safe, anyway. Definitely not sure those trying to kill us are safe though.
I woke up, knowing we had checked out of that gawdawful motel room that no one has ever checked out of before.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
י״ז בתמוז תשע"א
In follow-up to earlier posts (Confronting Demons Starting Years Ago and Victory Over Death), perhaps my perspective now is that it was a good thing that his attention was not focused on me at that particular time in the experience of my Being. Had it been otherwise, perhaps I would have been happy to stay where I was, where death would have surely reached me. In being "thrown down", I lived.
י״ז בתמוז תשע"א
In follow-up to my earilier post Confronting Demons Starting Years Ago, a friend of mine informed me that in traditional sources, Keteb is spelled in Hebrew using the Hebrew letters קטב instead of the Hebrew letters כתב (the letters I had chosen to use to describe my connection with Keteb Meriri in my post). Though the two spellings sound alike, they do not mean the same thing.
The shoresh קטב means to die an unexpected death, while the shoresh כתב pertains to writing, reporting, and engraving. Both sets of Hebrew letters can be pronounced keteb, but the latter set כתב describes my experience while the former set קטב does not.
In my poem, I am concerned with rewriting my story to a good, indeed a very good, outcome. This fact is described by the shoresh כתב. Moreover, following this preincarnate experience, though death was trying to reach me (as clearly evident in the words of the poem), I was nevertheless born, alive - in other words, I became a Living Breathing Being. Consequently, the very act of being born transformed the Keteb name root from being קטב to כתב, making my victory over Keteb Meriri a double victory - a victory over both bitterness and death. My first victory occurred even before I was born.
Monday, July 18, 2011
י״ז בתמוז תשע"א
In follow-up to my previous post (Confronting Demons Starting Years Ago), I note that from the shoresh מור is also derived the word for myrrh (מֹר), making myrrh my totem resin, so to speak. Significantly, myrrh is also the totem resin of Goddess/the Sacred Feminine in Celtic Paganism and Witchcraft.
The Shulhan Aruch was written as a strictly Halachic code, rarely includes Kabbalistic concepts in presenting Halachic guidelines. Yet, the Shulhan Aruch writes that during the three weeks one should not go outdoors to partially shady areas between the fourth and ninth hours (referring to Halachic hours) of the day (approximately 9:30am – 3:30pm) due to the demon “Keteb Meriri”, when this demon is most threatening. He adds that during this period, parents should make a point not to hit their children, and teachers should likewise refrain from smacking students, in order to avoid risks.
The Midrash Shoher Tob (Tehillim 91) speaks about a dangerous “demon” called “Keteb Meriri” that is covered with scales and hair, has eyeballs all over its body, and sees from the eye situated on its chest. It generally resides in areas that are partly sunny and partly shady, and moves by rolling like a ball. Anyone who comes near this demon, the Midrash comments, exposes himself to great danger. The Midrash in fact relates that there were schoolchildren who suffered harm as a result of “Keteb Meriri.” It is specifically during the three weeks of between Shiba Asar Be’Tamuz and Tisha B’Ab, the Midrash teaches, that this harmful spirit surfaces and poses danger.
The Midrash tells the story of Rabbi Abahu who saw a teacher with a branch ready to hit an unruly student. Rabbi Abahu sharply condemned the teacher, noting that “Keteb Meriri” was standing right behind him with an iron rod, ready to strike. This story shows the dangers of administering any type of corporal punishment during this period, when we are exposed to the dangers of “Keteb Meriri.”
For the same reason, one should refrain from unnecessary travel during the three weeks. Hacham Ovadia Yosef writes that the rule during this period is “Ashreh Yoshebeh Betecha” – “Fortunate are those who dwell in Your home,” meaning, it is far preferable to remain at home rather than travel. Children, especially, must be supervised very carefully during the three weeks so they are protected from danger. Although it is customary to allow recreational trips and swimming during this period, extra care must be taken to ensure safety. In particular, one must not travel alone, in a deserted area, between the fourth and ninth hours of the day – approximately 9:30am-3:30pm – during the three weeks, because of the danger posed by the “demons” which roam freely at that time. This refers only to deserted area; it is certainly permissible to travel to a city alone during these hours.
The Aruch Ha’shulhan cites authorities who limit this Halacha to uninhabited areas, such as forests and the like. Inside a city, however, the presence of many people, as well as the presence of Mezuzot on the doorposts, offers a degree of protection from this harmful spirit.
On one level, this restriction essentially renders this Halacha practically irrelevant nowadays, when we usually spend our time in towns, cities and other inhabited areas. Nevertheless, this Halacha demonstrates the importance of avoiding danger during this three-week period and keeping a “low profile,” as this period is particularly suited for mishaps and calamity, Heaven forbid.
Second, evidence for some past life - preincarnate confrontation with Keteb Meriri exists within a poem (Dark Torah) I wrote a long time ago describing a pre-incarnate vision remembrance which occurred before I was born:
from the mind inscribed before time in a dreamlike primeval existence
before my life began, at your side, I loved you
set before seeing, witnessing the violent play of creation
rising jagged with twisting thorns ascending toward there
wild and fierce the bloody storm from below, a churning pit of cold fire and coal
dripping with pain torn from earth, cutting edges
raging from a lawless horror, a terror untamed upon the earth
spreading as a plague coming near with powerful fury, iterating screams
reverberating with dysrhythm, the battering melody shattering the noise of silence
in agony melding together, into a cyclone of spiraling shrill despair
hopeless, the sound of an inky blackness, line upon line writing
a writhing scroll, twisted with affliction, death and blood everywhere
below the colorlessness of the sanctuary where I stood, immobile in the sight
testifying, not forgotten, revealing some wordless cry of terror
embedding beyond the throat, becoming chained in the belly
burning my world, descending into the hallowed depths of my heart
with no way to restrain it, its direction of attraction
toward me the knife came to cut
please see me! I am here! I cried without sound - to you as you watched it climb up
as you watched it climb up with some curious, strange fascination
not seeing me, or disregarded, either way, outside your direction of attention
as the rabid destruction erupted up the wall, and all I could do to escape the blade
becoming broken, I turned away, pulling myself in ... only to be thown away
thrown down, as a coarse grain into the only history I ever knew, and I know
what you did, throwing me down to be ripped apart, for those who would destroy me
why do you hate me - still you don't see me, you don't hear me, and you don't care
try as I might to rewrite the story, I cannot forget the truth
and some things can never be fixed
Third, the demon Keteb Meriri in Hebrew is written כתב מרירי.
The word keteb (כתב) means to "write", "written works", "script", "compose", "author (written works)", "reporter", "engrave", "address (someone)", "copy", and to "add someone as a recipient". The vowelized pronunciation keteb most directly refers to the meanings "to address; to copy, to add someone as a recipient ; and (biblical) to engrave".
The word meriri (מרירי) can mean either "bitter" or "bittersweet", assuming we accept that the word meriri derives from the shoresh (Hebrew root) מרר. However, as it is with the human condition, we have the choice to not accept things as they are and to choose an alternative root path, to choose our reality, and to create our future reality.
For instance, it is clear in my pre-incarnate memory that I was shown a very bitter reality and much of my life has indeed been bitter (as just about anyone who has ever met me is so well aware of this that I need to link no evidence). My vision as I initially experienced it was from the perspective of the shoresh מרר. But, as an Eternal Being with choice, I can also choose to see that my vision was also experienced from the initially hidden but now revealed perspective of the shoresh מור. My vision (seeing eye) was from a point of connection with Keteb Meriri in a liminal place "partially sunny and partially shady" (a conscious place of proto-physical existence) and "situated in the chest" in the "letter of connection", namely Vav (ו). Consequently, it is indeed also my reality that I experienced this preincarnate vision in the emerging light of the shoresh מור. Why is this important? Because the shoresh מור means to "exchange", "transform" and "change fate".
Fourth, rewriting the story and changing fate. When I wrote my poem describing my preincarnate experience, I had tried to change my fate and to rewrite my story several times over the course of my life - failing every time to manifest my desire for a good outcome. When I wrote the poem, though still operating under the influence of the shoresh מרר, I believe the very act of writing the poem honestly, without lying about its ugliness and without untrue beautifications, exchanged in the act the shorashim, transforming the operative root in my life from מרר to מור, enabling me to transform my life and to rewrite my story. In writing the poem honestly, I effectively "called out" Keteb Meriri to confrontation with me, Me.
My life has not been bitter for several years now. Honoring my Ancestors, and with loving wholehearted acceptance incorporating the Pagan aspects of my Being into the reality of my life were very instrumental in revealing deep joy in my life and to achieving a successful outcome to the confrontation with the demon Keteb Meriri. I am a Jewitch and I have done it.
Fifth, Ancestral Talismans for Successful Confrontation:
TOR Talisman CELTIC WITCH Charm Bottle Necklace with 13 Traditional Celtic Ethnobotanicals
TORAH Talisman JEWISH WITCH Charm Bottle Necklace with 13 Traditional Jewish Ethnobotanicals
WYRD WORKER Perthro Runic Talisman NORDIC Witch Bottle Necklace for Turning and Influencing the Karmic Primal Layers of Reality
Monday, July 04, 2011
ב' בתמוז תשע"א
I had an awesome dream last night.
I was pure consciousness out in deep deep space in some other timeless place beyond the known edges of the Cosmos. It was quiet here, there were no noisy planets here (as I saw in my 1967 experience that there are many noisy planets in other areas in the Cosmos). It was quiet and everything had its own place and nature. Nothing ever changed here.
But I was watching how things can indeed change in this changeless place. I was called to witness this cosmic event.
A rogue heavenly body which looked like a giant planet (but wasn't a planet) was heading for collision with a particular star. Of all the things in all the galaxies in this area of the Cosmos, only this rogue heavenly body went its own unique way. Everything else went on as it had always done, everything had its place, its course, its way. But this rogue, with its own unique way, against the grain of the way things are, was about to change the very nature of Everything, everything.
The rogue heavenly body impacted the star straight-on and vaporized the star to pure mass-less energy (but the star didn't explode, it merely re-organized the stuff it was made of). The rogue heavenly body went right through the star and continued on its unique way, unchanged.
The nature of everything in the entire Cosmos was changed by its collision with this particular star and would never be the same again. There is nothing in the entire Cosmos that is unaffected by this event. Don't ask me to explain it because I can't, but even as the unchangeable rogue is unchanged, it too is changed. It's a paradox without an explanation that makes sense when I try to write anything about it (so I'll just leave it at that).
I woke up, to a cooler breezy morning - the horrid hot and humid heatwave we have been having over the past several days broke last night as I slept. Certainly the weather has changed in this part of the Cosmos.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
כ״ז בסיון תשע"א
Alban Heruin 29
As a Jewitch, I am often asked what is the critical difference between magic and mysticism? and how can I resolve practicing witchcraft against the Torah's seeming prohibition on witchcraft with the claim that I am a Torah observant Jew?
There is a chapter in a book by Adin Steinsaltz (The Strife of the Spirit) which discusses the traditional rabbinic view of magic and mysticism, between that prohibited by Torah and that allowed by Torah. In this chapter, Rabbi Steinsaltz explains that the critical difference between Torah-prohibited magic and Torah-allowed magic all comes down to who does it and from what level the power comes. Engaging in magical pursuits, from a rabbinic perspective, is dangerous until one reaches a certain "madreiga" or spiritual level of developmental maturity. Prior to attaining that level, the rabbis believe that a person can become fascinated with power (that is, trapped by enchantment) in such a way that a person's continued spiritual development is impeded. The rabbis recognize that oftentimes many of the powers associated with witchcraft naturally unfold as one evolves spiritually, but also recognize that powers may also unfold prematurely leading to a detrimental enchantment with power. In other words, a person is liable to become trapped by an enchantment with the very real power released through magical-mystical practices such that he or she becomes confused and deadlocked spiritually. For this reason, rabbinic tradition discourages magical/mystical pursuits, and in my opinion, has misled laypeople as to what the Torah actually teaches about magic and mysticism. Interestingly, the situation in traditional rabbinic Judaism today suggests that many rabbis are indeed confused spiritually and trapped by an enchantment with power.
Enchantment of a whole group of people is not unheard of in the occult mysteries. In Celtic magical-mystical tradition, the story of a whole city's enchantment is told in the first branch of the Mabinogion in the tale known as The Enchantment of Dyfed. In consequence to enchantment, except for four individuals, the lives of all of the city's inhabitants became suspended. In other words, they became spiritually deadlocked not too unlike rabbinic Judaism today.
We cannot always judge what is permitted and what is prohibited by the labels we put on practices. Sometimes we can only make a proper judgement as to what is prohibited and what is allowed by its effect upon us.
I note as an interesting side observation - as with the Judaic tale of the Exodus, the number four figures prominently in the Celtic tale of Dyfed as well.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
כ״א בסיון תשע"א
Alban Heruin 23
Another baby of the Robin family has raised its cute wee head up to examine its world! Here is a photo (click to enlarge) I took of the four babies in the nest this morning.
Three Baby Robins!
Sweet Dreams for Robyn and Rahbin
A Day in the Life of the Robin Family
Safe House III - The Bird's Nest
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
י״ט בסיון תשע"א
Alban Heruin 21
A multi-faith blog exploring religion (You, Me & Religion) will be posting an interview they requested of me, scheduled for publication December 24th. I just emailed my answers to the interview questions I was asked to the blog owner, so I'll share the interview here with my friends and readers as well.
Online, I typically am known by the name Liorah Lleucu / Myfanwy.
Introduction and Websites
I am fifty years old, a divorced mother of 3 adult children and grandmother of 6 grandchildren, with my seventh grandchild on the way. Both a registered professional nurse and a biochemist by education, I was born and currently live in the Midwest. I am a Celtic Jewish American with Welsh, British, Irish, Germanic, Jewish and Native American ancestries. My maternal ancestries are Welsh, British and Jewish. My paternal ancestries are British, Irish, German and Native American.
1) What religion do you practice?
Jewitchery to put it into one word. I am an eclectic witch whose nature-based ritual practice combines elements of Celtic Witchcraft and quasi-traditional Kabbalistic Judaism, with splashes of Germanic Paganism and Native American Shamanism thrown into the mix - the ancient traditions of my Ancestors. My religion is idiosyncratic and doesn’t fit neatly into any category, but Jewitchery is a term that most closely describes my religious practice.
2) Are you a convert/revert or were you raised within this religion? If you converted, what did you need to do to convert? And what did you practice prior to converting?
This is a complicated question for me to answer. I wasn’t raised a Jewitch, but I was indeed born one. Raised Christian, I rejected Christianity as a religious path for me in my late twenties or early thirties, and returned to Torah (the tradition of my Jewish ancestors) in 1996 (formally through a Beit Din and mikveh immersion in 1997 under the auspices of the Reform Judaism movement), from there, progressing my study of Judaic Kabbalah and Jewish Law in Liberal to Hasidic environments. Not raised Jewishly, as a Reform Jew at the time of my return to Torah, I ritually converted. My mother’s mother’s mother’s mother and father were both observant Jews, so halachically (by Jewish religious Law), I am Jewish by birth and according to Orthodox ways, conversion was actually unnecessary to reclaim my Jewish heritage as part of the Jewish people. I reclaimed my Celtic heritage, my place among the Celtic people, and returned to Witchcraft (the tradition of my Celtic ancestors) in 2006 (formally through a self-initiation ritual), combining both ancient Ancestral traditions (Judaism and Witchcraft) into a spiritual path uniquely fit to me, best described by the term Jewitch. At this point in my journey, my concept of the Divine is pantheistic-atheistic (similar to Reconstructionist Judaic conceptions of the Divine, I believe), naturalistic, earth-based and as a woman, focuses on Divine Feminine constructs. My studies and practice currently focus on traditional herbalism, artisan craftwork, meditation, Torah study, study of mythic folklore, and using mystical alphabets to channel creative consciousness. Sacred alphabets I work with are Hebrew, Ogham and Runes.
3) Within your religion are there degrees of observance (ie. Orthodox,conservative, moderate, liberal)? What are the defining differences between the degrees of observance?
Certainly. There are other Jewitches but many, if not most, were raised in Judaism, unlike me. However, like me, in Jewitchery they are reclaiming the pagan and shamanic heritage of our Ancestors - so in that way, we are the same but arriving as Jewitches from different angles.
4) Within your religion what degree of observance are you (ie. Orthodox,conservative, moderate, liberal) ? Why did you choose this degree of observance?
I’m a mutt. In some ways, I am all of these. I’m artistic and very mystically oriented, so I lean toward meticulous metaphysical Orthodox observance. I’m a rationalist, so I tend toward a liberal religious emphasis on ethics and critical thinking. I live in the Bible belt, so I’m a realist and recognize that my observance level is unavoidably subject to my surroundings and circumstances.
5) What is the Afterlife within your religion? For example: what happens when a person dies? Are there places for reward/punishment? (such as a Heaven/Hell concept)
I’m an anomaly. I was born remembering my soul journey into physical existence and the entire story (in a very wholistic sense) of my Being. There is more to what we are as human beings than may be discerned while within a physical body. I do not remember either a heaven or hell as commonly taught – such is not my experience of Being. More than this I will not say.
6) In your opinion, does everyone make it into heaven/paradise? If they do not, why?
I don’t believe in heaven and hell as commonly taught, so no one, in my opinion, makes it to either of them. Based on my experience and remembrances, I do believe that every living creature is an amazingly rare and treasured spark of the Divine who made it into physical existence against highly improbable odds. So, my experience of remembering informs me that the existence of every living creature is a miracle whose full value is totally beyond normative comprehension. Every living creature is an indispensable part of the Whole, and to where we are going, we will all surely arrive.
7) What makes your religion a good fit for you?
Because it allows me to be true to myself, to evolve, and to get to where I am going.
8) What are your holy days and what do you do to celebrate them?
I observe all of the Traditional Jewish and Celtic Pagan holy days. It is my birthright to do so. I observe them in a myriad of ways, sometimes with ritual, sometimes not. Like I wrote earlier, I am a realist. My ritual practice has evolved and shape-shifted many times over the years. Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't :)
9) Do you consider people of other faiths to be your friends?
10) Would you ever join people of another faith to celebrate one of their holy days? Please explain why?
It would depend on the context and purpose. I value interfaith sharing within a context of mutual respect.
11) What are your thoughts on the burka, and Shariah Law?
I really am not qualified to make a fair comment on either of those things. These two things exist within the context of a culture and religion which is not my own.
12) Are women allowed to hold religious office (priest, minister, rabbi, iman etc) in your religion and how do you feel about it?
13) Does your place of worship segregate? If yes, how does this make you feel?
I honor the Divine in private spaces generally.
14) How much does your religion affect your daily life and how much thought do you give it when making a decision? Does it affect in any way your decision on abortion, gay marriage, etc?
The very act of breathing is a religious act for me – there is no separation between my daily life and my religious life.
15) How would you react/feel if your child wished to marry outside your religion?
My adult children do not identify as Jewitches and are raising my grandchildren a Christians. I honor the right of my children to choose their own path toward Divine consciousness. We are all different as human beings, yet even so, we all share a wonderful ultimate human Destiny, so I’m not worried.
17) In your opinion, if someone is not of your faith, will they go to hell?
No. I don’t believe in hell.
18) Who do you think is not a practicing ----- in your religion and why? ie who in the public domain claims to speak for your religion? Do you agree with them or not?
I can’t think of anyone.
19) Have you ever been the target of a hate crime? Please explain.
A hate crime – no. Illegal discrimination – yes. I’d rather not explain. It’s complicated and not useful to any discussion here.
20) Do you ever feel like your religion devalues you?
21) Does your religion give you peace of mind?
Yes, absolutely – peace of mind and more importantly, deep joy.
22) Do you believe in reincarnation? Why or why not?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
י״ז בסיון תשע"א
Alban Heruin 19
In follow-up to today's earlier post about the family of robins nested above the back porch light, after their parents brought them lunch, it was naptime for the baby birds. Here are pictures of the babies before and after their little tummies were filled. Look at the cute tufts of baby feathers on the top of Robyn's wee head (click the photo to enlarge) - so cute!
י״ז בסיון תשע"א
Alban Heruin 19
Here are some photos I took this afternoon of the family of robins who have a nest atop the back porch light. You can see in one of the photos how close the light is to the frequently used back door. There are two babies in the nest. I caught images of the two parents as well - they are bringing lunch home!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
י״ז בסיון תשע"א
Alban Heruin 19
A few weeks ago I posted that a pair of robins had built a bird's nest over the back porch light where I live. Well now, there are at least two baby robins in the nest. Yesterday, two of them had their necks extended up high enough over the top of the nest that I could see them. They had their mouths wide open up in the air, making noises, waiting for their parents to bring them some food.
Today, they were sleeping. One had its head resting on the top side surface of the nest, asleep for awhile. It was so cute and so at contented peace. You know, you can even see contentment and peace in the expressions of baby birds.
I'll try to get a photo of them tomorrow.
Friday, June 17, 2011
ט״ו בסיון תשע"א
Alban Heruin 17
Last night before bed, after I created and listed this ENEIT oil at my Etsy shoppe WITCHCRAFTS and on my shoppe blog, I did something I haven't done is several months. I blindly reached in and drew a mystical rune from my runebag to see what cosmic energy was afoot in my world, according to my magical runes. I drew Kenaz, in complete synchronicity with the oil I had just created. Kenaz is the rune of the artisan craftsman and of the master of the technical aspects of magic, knowledge, cunning, creativity, illumination, observation, intellect, skill, occult female secrets, controlled fire and kinship. Kenaz is the torch of enlightenment. Kenaz is clarity.
Also symbolic of the teaching-learning dynamic and study, this Kenaz rune drawing was also synchronous with my dream from earlier this week, namely Lamed, where the magical Hebrew letter Lamed (ל) is likewise linked to the dynamic of teaching-learning. As with Lamed, Kenaz symbolizes Divine Inspiration. As with Lamed, Kenaz symbolizes the power to control the fire which fuels creativity.
There is wholeness in harmony. Now, I have a clear thought about holiness. Interestingly, this insight, brought into focus through the complexity of Kenaz, was born from the pentacle number five, the Hebrew letter hei (ה) and the Middle Welsh word ENEIT.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
י״ד בסיון תשע"א
Alban Heruin 16
In follow-up to my previous post Lamed (where I was sitting in the 12th seat, with the 13th seat next to me empty), a commenter to that post wrote that it reminded him of the film 12 Monkeys (a film I have never seen) "about traveling back in time to fix things but being unable to do so." Wiki ends its plot summary of this apocalyptic film (where a virus wipes out most of the human race) with these words:
Peters, safely aboard the plane, sits down next to Jones (Carol Florence), one of the lead scientists from the future, who tells him that she is in "insurance".
Viral can be bad or good, depending on the information or energy spread. What can't be fixed is the fact the something will indeed "go viral," but that "something" is yet to be determined.
That same commenter commented on my post Wrestling with Destiny. He suggested that I may have been wrestling with chaos in that dream, which makes sense to me. At any rate, I won the wrestling match, which is a good sign. So far, so good. Perhaps I am, like Jones, in "insurance." Perhaps it is up to me who sits in the seat "Peters" occupied in the film, and it is up to me what goes viral. Because I have the luxury of knowing in advance that whomever sits in that seat next to me holds the future in his hands. Necessarily then, I am guarding that seat.
Good calls Clayton.
Thursday, June 09, 2011
ז׳ בסיון תשע"א
Alban Heruin 9
Shavuot Day 2
Last night I dreamt, several connected dreams in fact, all seemingly different in symbolism, but each flowed seemlessly into the next.
I was in my 'house'. A murderer came upon me and hacked me to pieces. I didn't see the actual assault, but I saw pieces of the flesh of the left side of my head fly against the wall I was observing. The murderer was a 'US Marshall.'
I was a young mother. My 'young son' was in his bed (in my current bedroom), but didn't want to go to sleep because there was a scary female spirit in the room. I couldn't see the spirit he saw, but I believed him and asked him where the spirit was located in the room. I was going to drive her out. He pointed up near the ceiling and told me she was there. I flew like a spirit myself to the place where my son had said she was and began trying to exorcise her from the room, but she kept moving around - each time she moved away from me, my son would tell me where she was and I would move toward her again. Trying to drive her out, I told her she could never be fixed. Finally I saw her myself (she had dark hair) and then her spirit jumped onto the left side of my face and merged with me there. Okay then, I thought. She was trapped with me now, and I'm in control. She's in me and I'm in control of her. She couldn't fly all over the room anymore and scare my son now.
My 'young son', my 'husband' and I were outside in the yard. My husband was chasing a large mouse, it looked like a small rat to me, but my husband said it was a mouse. Okay then, I believed him. Even in the dream, I remembered the mouse I saw in my closet as a young girl in 1967. I hovered in the air, like on an invisible magic carpet, over the mouse so as not to touch it. I didn't want to touch it and become contaminated (in some way). My husband was trying to catch something (the mouse that looked like a rat, I think) and was hiding in the Tiger Lily bush at the northwest corner of the property like he was a hunter staking out prey.
My 'father' drove a semi-truck over a bridge and over the left side of an embankment (right off the bridge on the south side of town) to keep it from crashing into other cars on the road. The brakes had stopped working while on the bridge. The truck rolled to safe stop at the bottom of the embankment in a parking lot near the shore of the river.
I traveled back to before time, before the entire cosmos was created. I was pure consciousness observing. It wasn't dark, it wasn't light. There was nothing, but it was everything that could ever be and more. I restricted the mass of the packed full nothing I perceived and in the middle of my awareness a space emerged with things of creation swirling and floating in it - galaxies, a universe, a book, a city, a fountain, main street in my town, ... I was amazed that such little things came out side by side with immense things in this space in the midst of All Being. I wondered, back before the beginning, when in time these things would unfold into existence, but I knew they already existed, for I had already experienced them in the life that I have now (even though that life was not yet created in the place where I was). I paused in thought. Now is the only time that has ever existed. There is only now. The past is an illusion, the future is an illusion, time is an illusion. There is only now.
I woke up.
Ok, then. Now I have to figure out how to cast things into that cauldron in consciousness that I want to be, and how I want them to be. First thing, I want a very special cauldron. Now.
So mote it be. אמן
Friday, June 03, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
כ״ה באייר תשע"א
Last night I dreamt. I wrestled with a giant spider. I won the wrestling match, and the giant spider, retreating, conceded the match to me.
Spider is a shamanic totem who embodies all the infinite possibilities into which reality may unfold the future. Spider teaches us to take responsibility for our choices and actions, all of which come together, in the present from the past, to wyrdly weave what will become. Those who fail to take responsibility for their choices and actions, and those who refuse to learn the lessons provided by the past, become entangled in Spider's web and a seemingly unchangeable reality. Those who work the force of Wyrd actively and consciously participate in creating Creation.
Friday, May 27, 2011
כ״ג באייר תשע"א
In follow-up to my previous two safe house dreams (I and II), yesterday nature added another voice on the matter as well. A pair of robins began building a bird's nest over the porch light where I live. Today the nest is complete and has the rounded cup form (on top of the porch light lid) of a typical nest. It seems this family of robins think I live in a safe house too, so they are making their home over the porch light right by the back door. Even our frequent going in and out of this much used door has not deterred them from building their nest over the back porch light.
Perhaps the black goddess (known as Sara-la-Kali~Sara by the Gypsies), who is intimately involved with weather magic and nature, and whose sacred pilgrimage to the sea occurred on May 24th (perhaps when the water of the sea was released as I subsequently dreamt in the May 25th Safe House dream), called out to them as well and told these two robins to build their Safe Nest on my home.
Clearly, no coincidence. The Divine in both it's male (the bird's nest connection) and female aspects (the sea/ocean/weather/nature connection) is involved in this matter of my dreams and the link of my dreams to natural occurrences.
Also in related note, the evening of the 24th (the night of the black goddess Gypsy pilgrimage to the sea and the night before the 25th dream) I was having a problem getting to sleep due to coming and going twisting muscle 'chest pains' (not usual for me) which were ultimately relieved only by taking stress-relieving Lorazepam (as I had discussed with a friend of mine the next morning). About 1/2 hour after taking the Lorazepam, I felt a 'pop' (in correspondence to the dam 'breaking' in my subsequent Safe House dream that very night) in my chest which immediately relieved all the tenseness in my body, including the chest pains. The sudden popping relief of stress and the subsequent pain relief which rushed over my body like water are relevant to my recent dreams and actual happenings of nature.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
כ״ג באייר תשע"א
Early last week I dreamt of the beginnings of a flood and my escape to my safe house. Last night, I had another flood dream:
I was at home with my family. It was raining heavily outside. From inside the house, I heard the sound of something like a dam breaking outside. Suddenly, oceans of water came flooding the land outside from the south. Our entire house was engulfed underwater like being at the bottom of an ocean. But miraculously, no water came into the house and the house stood firm upon its foundations, not moving or buckling at all as it was completely covered over by the rushing waters. We rode out the deluge in peace, safely tucked away inside our home.
When the waters subsided, we went outside. Everything around us looked like the area of Joplin Missouri where a recent monster tornado destroyed neighborhoods for as far as the eye could see. Everything around our house had been similarly destroyed - everything that is but our yard and our house. Ours alone came out as it had entered.
As soon as I wrote the last line above describing my dream, it struck me that this is exactly how it is described in the story about the four who entered the mystical Pardes, where Rabbi Akiva exited as he had entered - in peace. Interestingly, water, like in my flood dreams, is an important element in the Pardes parable as well.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
י״ג באייר תשע"א
While I dreamt of a flood two nights ago, last night I dreamt this:
I and another female college student were early to the library-like place where students worked on assignments. We had tablet PCs on which we worked. I set up my tablet PC in the area to the left (as one faced the low bar-like bench-like work table) of the other student. Her work area was about a seat or two away from mine, to my right as I faced the work area.
I sat down and set up my tablet PC (sort of like how mine sets up in real life) to do my school work, except that the case which housed it was made of some kind of hard wood and it had a back flap that set and stood up behind it (like a standing clipboard might hold up a reading paper for easy keyboarding) which displayed (like a paper lace cut-out might) the Hebrew aleph-beit (alphabet) in a row of letters. The aleph-beit was formed of letters where the outlining lines of the letters cut completely through the wood, but the solid portions of the letters themselves didn't fall out. I can't describe this any more because in real life, it wouldn't physically be possible to set up and exist as it did in my dream. Light shone out through the lines of the letters.
Both my PC and the other student's PC had this wood cut-out feature with the Hebrew letters - the feature came on all the PCs issued to students in this school. Mine was different from hers though - her letters looked normal (from my perspective, at least). My letters were upside down, inverted. At first, I thought I had set up my tablet PC wrong, but when I rearranged the flap with the letters inscribed through it, I saw that I had set it up right - the letters in my tablet PC, unlike the student's near me and all the other students' normal tablet PCs, mine had just been made this unusual way - all of my Hebrew letters were inverted. Inscribed clear through the wood, neither they nor the flap into which they were cut could be rearranged to make the letters like the arrangement on all the other students' PCs.
I have the tablet PC that I have - with inverted Hebrew letters - and it's the tablet PC I have been issued for the work. I accepted to work with the tool I have.
I woke up.
י״ג באייר תשע"א
A friend of mine may be right - it is all for good. I was angry that I was fired from my most recent job for apparently no good reason (again), but given the dream I had the night before last, Providence may have arranged my dismissal to keep me safe. My dream -
I was out in an open field somewhere near but not in the area of my own home. The area of the field was flooding, and all the field except where I was standing was deeply under the flooding waters. Soon, where I was standing would also be flooded, so I needed to leave and find my way home. The only problem was that all around me the field was flooded and the land lay beneath deeply flooding waters.
Suddenly, I saw my path - in the place where I had stepped out into the flood waters lay a securely firm land bridge. The land bridge rose up to just beneath the surface of the flood waters so that unless one was looking down from right above it, it could not be seen. It was just beneath the surface also, so that the waters which covered it only covered over the top of one's foot. The waters which hid it from normal view were not deep at all and were safe to walk through. Standing on the land bar, I could see that the land bar bridged my entire way across the deeply flooded field.
I walked on it toward my own home. On the way, there was another house I came upon. It was in process of being flooded - I could see that the doorway into it was immersed in the waters of the flood halfway up, as was the house itself. My children were inside visiting. I had to go inside and retrieve them and take them home with me, to our safe house. I opened the door, careful to keep the flood waters from rushing inside - not sure how I did it, but I opened the door in such a way that the flood waters were not allowed inside as I completed my business there.
I went inside. The house was full of people partying. I searched for my children among the crowd and throughout the rooms of the house. There is a flood coming outside I told people, but they went about their business of partying and didn't listen to me. I retrieved my children and we left the house that would soon be overrun by the full strength of the flood waters, stepping again, my children with me now, upon the safety of the land bridge running toward home, heading home to our own home safely sitting outside of the place of the flood.
I woke up.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
י״א באייר תשע"א
For those of you who don't yet know, I was fired (again) from my job on Friday. This is a walk through my last day at work.
In the morning, walking into the building and back to my office at the back of the building, I said "good morning" to everyone, staff and residents alike, I passed on my way. This is my morning ritual since usually during the day I am so focused and tunnel visioned that I often don't have time to chat or speak much to people. There are typically two particular residents who are among this group every work day - they smile when I walk through the double doors in the morning, saying sometimes "howdy-do" and "good morning" to me before I can get it out first.
After getting my purse settled and calendar out for the day in my office, I went back out to the nursing unit to gather up some information kept at the nursing station - heading back to my office following doing this, one sweet lady resident motioned for me to come over. I did. She was smiling, with tears welling up in her eyes - she said to me "you are the one who gave me the dreamcatcher, aren't you?" She was trying hard to hold on to the memory of it. "Yes, I am," I said. She said, "it is so beautiful" and she asked if it was handmade. I told her that yes, it was handmade by a Cherokee artist (she herself is proud of her Cherokee heritage). She reached out and I took her hand. She squeezed my hand.
Later that morning, one of the corporate nurses called and was upset with me because I had made corrections on legal clinical regulatory documents before signing them off as complete with the authority of my professional license. My understanding of a regulatory requirement governing the signing of these documents differed from her understanding of it, and during our discussion, when I tried to explain the rationale for my position, she cut me off saying, "NOW you be quiet and LISTEN to me, I AM TALKING TO YOU NOW." She didn't want to hear what I had to say and spoke to me as if I was a child in kindergarten and not a professional nurse certified by the national professional nursing organization (American Association of Nurse Assessment Coordinators) for this area of nursing specialization as knowledgeable in the area under discussion. I listened to her as she spoke. When she was finished, I again tried to explain the rationale supporting and forming the basis of my position - she hung up the phone on me in the middle of my attempted explanation.
Since I am AANAC trained and certified regarding the regulation under dispute, I could not claim ignorance as to how the regulation is to be understood and just agree to understand it the wrong way because, in her words, "she has been doing this for twenty years and I (she) know (knows) how it is to be done" and her way of understanding is not wrong (according to her) and if she was wrong "don't you think state would have pointed this out to us it already?" (Is she kidding that because clinically focused state surveyors haven't noticed it yet that this supports her as being right? Scary thought, but I didn't say it out loud. I suppose it makes sense - NOT - to let State be the one responsible to find your errors for you before you do. Just like it made sense, that until I came, no one there knew we were supposed to do an OMRA (Other Medicare Required Assessment) for residents who were no longer receiving therapy yet who were being held on Medicare A for skilled nursing services - my assistant didn't even know what an OMRA was - trained by the corporate nurses, she had never been taught anything at all about them or that an OMRA even existed as an assessment that needed to be scheduled in some specific situations. (Facilities are required to do this OMRA assessment solely because Medicare doesn't want to continue paying a high daily reimbursement rate for rehab services when a resident is no longer receiving rehab services.) And just like, before I came, their computer system was failing to capture the short-stay assessment code - which functions to pro-rate rehab based reimbursement levels - the failure to capture this code resulting in the loss of alot of money for the facility over the period beginning last October 1 through the time when I found the error and got it fixed when our MDS Office called the software company who downloaded some files for us to correct the problem. I shudder to think what will happen when this facility's turn comes up to be RAC audited, since the corporate nurse thinks the state is on top of MDS coding dates and all is well. Clinical quality focused state surveyors aren't on top of nonclinical MDS regulations, but assuredly, reimbursement focused RAC surveyors will be.)
She called back about 15 or so minutes later. I respectfully disagreed with and maintained a professional tone with her throughout it all, suggesting several times that the solution was for some other nurse who felt comfortable with her way of understanding the requirement (like herself, for instance) to sign off on past documents done this way (since she didn't want me to make the correction I felt I needed to make before signing current documents which had been prepared by my assistant as she had been taught to do by the corporate nurse according to the corporate nurse's understanding) and in the future, I would sign off on documents dated according to my understanding as to how it is to be done. She agreed that we would do this (since she could not indeed dispute that my way was incorrect as I could hers). I thought we had agreed anyway. She said she agreed with this solution. I was also pleased with myself that I had done the job I believed I was hired to do - contribute my expertise to upgrade existing MDS processes at the facility and for the organization.
This corporate nurse then faxed me a page from the RAI manual with underlined points which she considered to be supportive of her understanding (the points she underlined did not speak directly to the point of dispute at all - how early the documents could be signed off by the responsible RN as fully complete - her underlined points spoke to how late the documents could be signed, which was not the date under dispute). On the fax, addressed to both myself and my assistant, she wrote that I should contact her if I had any more questions or concerns. I faxed back my response reiterating my position (that I could sign off with my professional authority on a final MDS completion date no earlier than the date after the final date of clinical observation (called the ARD or Assessment Reference Date) - thus making the earliest date I could sign off to be at least one day after the final date of observation, because you can't complete the data summary document until the period of clinical nursing observation ends - which runs through 11:59 PM on the last date of observation) and I myself had underlined and highlighted the portions of the page she had faxed initially which stated that the period of observation runs through 11:59 PM of the last day of clinical observation (implying that the period of observation is not over until 12:00 AM on the date following the last date of clinical observation (a fact which clearly supports my understanding of the regulation and does not support her understanding of the regulation, where she understands that is perfectly okay to sign off on the last day/date of clinical observation itself which itself remains squarely within the period of clinical observation). I called her cell phone (as she had instructed me to do if I had any further concerns) and left a message that I had faxed her back my response to the information she had sent and summarized what I had written/highlighted on the paper in the phone message in case she wasn't near her fax machine.
As I had walked back from the front office where I used the fax machine, a kind gentlemanly resident motioned for me to stop a minute. From his wheelchair, he was smiling up at me and with a chuckle he said, "why does a beautiful woman like you always wear black?" I smiled and chuckled back at him, explaining to him it was part of my spiritual practice. We exchanged a few friendly brief bantering words, as I hugged him (through my hand gently squeezing his shoulder), and then I walked back to my office leaving him with a sweet smile on face.
Back at my office, this corporate nurse called me back and we rehashed the previous discussion. At the conclusion, we agreed as before - that another nurse comfortable with signing off according to her understanding would sign off on past documents, and future documents would be prepared and signed off according to my understanding, since I would be the RN responsible for signing them, and since it would be under the authority of my professional license which the documents were completed, and since my way of understanding was not disputable nor incorrect.
After this, I went out to gather some data. As I was gathering data, the assistant administrator walked up to me, indicating that she and the administrator needed to speak with me in the administrator's office. In the administrator's office, I was concisely informed that a decision had been made that I "am not fit for the organization and therefore your (my) employment is terminated, effective immediately." I simply said, "ok,", walked out of her office, gathered my things, and turned in my keys.
Simply, wow. I can't honestly claim that I didn't expect something like this to happen - been down this road before.
Posted by Lori at 8:29 AM