Thursday, June 09, 2011

Pieces of Now

ז׳ בסיון תשע"א
Alban Heruin 9
Shavuot Day 2

Last night I dreamt, several connected dreams in fact, all seemingly different in symbolism, but each flowed seemlessly into the next.

I was in my 'house'. A murderer came upon me and hacked me to pieces. I didn't see the actual assault, but I saw pieces of the flesh of the left side of my head fly against the wall I was observing. The murderer was a 'US Marshall.'

I was a young mother. My 'young son' was in his bed (in my current bedroom), but didn't want to go to sleep because there was a scary female spirit in the room. I couldn't see the spirit he saw, but I believed him and asked him where the spirit was located in the room. I was going to drive her out. He pointed up near the ceiling and told me she was there. I flew like a spirit myself to the place where my son had said she was and began trying to exorcise her from the room, but she kept moving around - each time she moved away from me, my son would tell me where she was and I would move toward her again. Trying to drive her out, I told her she could never be fixed. Finally I saw her myself (she had dark hair) and then her spirit jumped onto the left side of my face and merged with me there. Okay then, I thought. She was trapped with me now, and I'm in control. She's in me and I'm in control of her. She couldn't fly all over the room anymore and scare my son now.

My 'young son', my 'husband' and I were outside in the yard. My husband was chasing a large mouse, it looked like a small rat to me, but my husband said it was a mouse. Okay then, I believed him. Even in the dream, I remembered the mouse I saw in my closet as a young girl in 1967. I hovered in the air, like on an invisible magic carpet, over the mouse so as not to touch it. I didn't want to touch it and become contaminated (in some way). My husband was trying to catch something (the mouse that looked like a rat, I think) and was hiding in the Tiger Lily bush at the northwest corner of the property like he was a hunter staking out prey.

My 'father' drove a semi-truck over a bridge and over the left side of an embankment (right off the bridge on the south side of town) to keep it from crashing into other cars on the road. The brakes had stopped working while on the bridge. The truck rolled to safe stop at the bottom of the embankment in a parking lot near the shore of the river.

I traveled back to before time, before the entire cosmos was created. I was pure consciousness observing. It wasn't dark, it wasn't light. There was nothing, but it was everything that could ever be and more. I restricted the mass of the packed full nothing I perceived and in the middle of my awareness a space emerged with things of creation swirling and floating in it - galaxies, a universe, a book, a city, a fountain, main street in my town, ... I was amazed that such little things came out side by side with immense things in this space in the midst of All Being. I wondered, back before the beginning, when in time these things would unfold into existence, but I knew they already existed, for I had already experienced them in the life that I have now (even though that life was not yet created in the place where I was). I paused in thought. Now is the only time that has ever existed. There is only now. The past is an illusion, the future is an illusion, time is an illusion. There is only now.

I woke up.

Ok, then. Now I have to figure out how to cast things into that cauldron in consciousness that I want to be, and how I want them to be. First thing, I want a very special cauldron. Now.

So mote it be. אמן


~ Jayne ~ said...

Mice in animal lore,represent attention to detail, attaining big things by working on little; innocence, faith, trust, scrutiny. As for rats,the associations are with success, restlessness and shrewdness.As for the female presence,might I suggest Lilith,given the tie to Shavuot(festival of reaping).

Myfanwy said...

Yes, I see Mouse as one of my primary totem spirits. Yes, Lilith makes sense.

Jaja said...

I have a sister that dreams as you do. I only hope that someday she will see herself as her true self and stop hiding behind everything that man has held against her. We are three actually,so mote it be. .I enjoyed reading your post and will continue...Blessed Be, Jaja

Dare to be true to yourself.