Two Goats, Nogeáh V'eino Nogeáh

ט' בתשרי תשס"ח

In follow-up to my previous entry (Mind On The Mountaintop) for Erev Yom Kippur, I noted in the comments to that entry my dream from a day or two earlier:

I had a dream. I accidentally drove over a cliff on a curving mountain road. It wasn't a scary dream. I was very objective through it and thought "I'm not going survive this." So, I said the Shema in the dream. Then I woke up. I had been driving down the mountain from the top.

Michael Berg, of the infamous Kabbalah Centre, writes about A Great Secret Of Yom Kippur:

There is a first part of the reading. It speaks about the death of Nadav and Avihu, the two children of Aaron. Why do we read about the death of the two children of Aaron on Yom Kippur? We know there are no coincidences. There is a reason this story precedes the discussion of the process of Yom Kippur.

Rabbi Berg goes on to write:

We also know today is the death anniversary of Rabbi Akiva, the death anniversary of Rav Ashlag. All those three are not a coincidence.

How do we understand that and how do we put it together? It says that when Rabbi Akiva was about to leave this world, it was a time when the Romans ruled the land of Israel. They did not want Rabbi Akiva to continue to teach, but he did, and was captured by the Romans.

The story is the Romans took combs of steel and were scraping his skin from his body to make his death what they thought was the most torturous possible.

As this process was happening, Rabbi Akiva began to say the Sh’ma. As he was beginning the process of leaving this world, his students said, don’t continue the prayer. Because they knew if he completed the prayer he would leave this world.

Rabbi Akiva said, all my life I have been waiting and worried about this verse, which speaks about giving over ourselves completely. When will I be able to completely do this process? Now I have the opportunity. How can I give it up?

Rabbi Akiva ended the Sh’ma and, as he said the word echad, his soul left.

So why did I wake up after saying the Shema in my dream? ס

The kabbalists teach a very interesting concept, that every action we do of sharing, of connection, is an action that has within it the power to achieve complete dvchut, complete union with the Light of the Creator. Not only that, the truly righteous, the true kabbalists, did that. When they came to the morning connection, they would put all of their life force into that connection. So how did they stay alive after the prayer?

The kabbalists teach that within the action itself is Light that returns the soul to the body. Because it’s a day to talk about truly high concepts, the true kabbalists completely gave themselves over in every connection that they made. They made that union, that dvchut, in every action of connection. Their entire being, their entire soul, went into that action.

The only reason their soul came back to their body is because the Light shines back to them. This is a battle for true righteous people to hold themselves back and keep their soul in their body. When they made that connection to the Light within the action, their soul wanted to connect completely. For a kabbalist, a truly righteous person, the physical body limits their ability to connect to the Light. They never want to return to their body after they make a connection, but the Creator says, you still have a job to do in your body.

As I wrote when describing my story in the comments over at DovBear:

This story isn't over yet.

It has newly begun. Walking On Fire is a living witness to that which began over a decade ago, and to the brilliantly transformative power singularly tied to the higher service (mesirut nefesh) of the goat for Azazel - אתהפכא חשוכא לנהורא.

The two goats are One on the mountain of paradox, walking the earth yet hovering the summit, touching yet not touching. חי

My vision of the Mountain of Paradox, like a visionary brit milah, occurred on the eighth day of Tishrei. I wrote of and elucidated it on the ninth day of Tishrei. I woke up from my dream, so I imagine that unlike Rabbi Akiva at the hands of the Romans centuries ago, I will awaken still among the living tomorrow on the tenth day of Tishrei as well. חי