Will, The Man In Black

ו' שבט תשס"ט
Imbolgen 6

Two divinations and two dreams.

First, erev shabbat I drew the pentacle card from my Well Worn Path deck. The pentacle card speaks to the ideas of stability, foundation, endurance, fortitude, manifestation within the physical world, and draws creative energy into active expression. Thus, kabbalistically the protective pentacle represents ateret hayesod, the foundation of malchut.

Then, to see what was 'in the air' (for which I drew the protective pentacle card), I drew three hebrew letter cards. They were עקו, a word from the root עקה meaning: 1) to enclose, 2) press in, and 3) fence in. Associated in my mind with these meanings were three ideas: 1) a witch's circle, 2) the midnight death of the firstborn as in this week's Torah portion (I am a firstborn individual), and 3) a fence for Torah.

I went to sleep and dreamt.

To press in.

It was night in my parents' [1] house where I am staying. The time was the present time. A white woman thug was trying break down the door, pressing to get in to kill us. I put my body against the frame of the door to block her entrance. It was a mighty struggle, the door popped off its hinges as she pressed in and I pressed out. Nevertheless, I managed to get the deadbolt locked against her. Somehow, in my pressing out against the door and throwing my weight against it, I threw her backwards - away from the door, off the large porch and into the yard. The white woman thug landed on her rearend on the ground.

The witch's circle.

I woke up, and got up out of bed. I smudged the house, particularly the door of the dream, with dragon's blood incense. Then, I cast a magic witch's circle around the home and all my family members, my place of employment and co-workers, and all our systems of support. After considering the hebrew letter card hei (ה), I instead put the hebrew letter card shin (ש) by my bedroom altar [2.a]. Though, according to midrash, the letter hei is the protective letter put on the doorposts of the Hebrews during the midnight massacre of the Exodus, I already had a protective pentacle [2] present. Moreover, the letter hei is a letter of receptive manifestion, and I had no intention of 'receiving' death. Thus, I instead chose the projective letter shin of the mezuzah. I also reinforced to my gargoyle to remain at his station, guarding the closet. Then, I went back to sleep and dreamt again.

A fence for Torah.

It was night. I was currently living in my aunt's [1] house with my three children when they were little (I have never lived in the house of my aunt - my father's sister, which is next door to my parents' house, in real life - and the house of the dream was actually a combination of her house and a house I used to live in when I was a young mother). Thus, this represents a mixture of time past and present.

I saw outside the kitchen window four black male thugs with knives making noise by the fence which runs between the house (of my aunt) and the house of my parents. (I have never had any problem with 'black male thugs' in real life and the only connection I can find to this detail is in this recent post of a video performance of Racheim linked to from DovBear.) They had walked on the fence and slid down it into the yard, and were preparing 'to rumble', to break into the house via the bedroom windows. They were going to storm the house and kill us all. There were too many of them - four of them against one of me. I couldn't use my body to block all the windows and doors against each of them. I was only one individual, while they were four individuals. So, while they were preparing to rumble, I packed up my children, and from another side of the house, I hurried us into my car and drove off. When they broke in to kill us, we wouldn't be there. We had already escaped as they danced in the dark with their knives in hand, in ritual preparation to slaughter us.

It was now daytime. We were driving the highways, moving from place to place across country to escape the male Green Hulk monster which was now trying to find and kill us, since we had escaped the four black male thugs. Every time I sensed the Green Hulk was getting close to finding us, we moved on in my car to another place.

We were on the highway when the Green Hulk finally spotted my car. It landed on the car as I drove. I had attached a flying 'shuttle craft' to the hood of my car, in preparation for just such an event as the Green Hulk finding us in our travels to escape it. The plan was to evacuate us from the car through the roof into the shuttle craft and fly away, leaving the Green Hulk to break into an empty car. But, the Green Hulk, not to be fooled that way again like the four male thugs at the house, had intuited that plan - I knew it - and he had broken stealthily into the shuttle craft to await and kill us when we evacuated the car as we had the house. He didn't know I knew he knew. We didn't evacuate into the shuttle craft. Instead, I drove under an low hanging overpass and cut the shuttle craft off the roof of the car. I drove on with my kids, and the shuttle craft lay splintered open on the road behind us. I saw a group of people standing there on the road, surrounding the broken vessel from which the Green Hulk emerged. One among them administered an injection to him and he morphed back into human form as he lay disoriented in the road. I saw a seam come together on his right arm as he temporarily morphed back into human form on account of the injection. Nevertheless, it wasn't over yet.

I was in a public place, among a group of people. It was again the present time (as opposed to when my children were little). Suddenly, a clearing formed, leaving me in the middle of the clearing. Again suddenly, a large crate-like box dropped down from the air as a 'gift' for me. It had dropped into the clearing near but behind me. I knew what was in the crate. The Green Hulk (the injected medicine having worn off) was in the crate - he was going to bust out and kill me in front of everybody. There was no escaping him this time. There was no vehicle of escape. I was surrounded by people. So, despite that I had not the brute strength to defend myself against him and would likely be killed, nevertheless, I turned to face the crate. I stood up straight and faced the crate, to meet him face to face when he busted out. I girded myself for the likely fatal encounter.

Suddenly, a Man dressed in all Black [2.b] dropped from the air between myself and the crate. He placed himself between the crate with the Green Hulk in it and me. The Man in Black was named Will. He was my Jewish ancestor Will Grunwald, and he had dark blonde hair like me (and like him, I too was dressed in all Black). With Will there and I behind him, the crate was sealed with the Green Hulk trapped in it unable to escape. Will had captured the Green Hulk and was going to reveal the Green Hulk's identity before the whole group of people who had gathered around to watch me be slain. With the group's attention focused on the revelation of the Green Hulk's identity, the 'woman behind him' (behind the Green Hulk) sought to sneak away from being also found out. But, I saw her. She tried to sneak out through the back of the crowd through a side door. But, I saw her. She did not escape unnoticed. And I had not been slain as the woman had anticipated I would be.

I woke up.

Footnotes:

[1] Yocheved was the aunt and wife of Amram. Yocheved and Amram are the parents of Moshe. In this dream, the two houses I live in are those of my parents and of my aunt (in combination with my own). Thus, in this dream, I am the Moses principle.

[2] A pentacle has six (שש - a/b) revealed elements - it is a intertwined five-pointed star encompassed by a circle. A pentagram has five revealed elements - an intertwined five-pointed star.

[3] In contrast to the blue dream of four sisters, the colors associated with this dream are white, black and green.

Two Goats, Nogeáh V'eino Nogeáh

ט' בתשרי תשס"ח

In follow-up to my previous entry (Mind On The Mountaintop) for Erev Yom Kippur, I noted in the comments to that entry my dream from a day or two earlier:

I had a dream. I accidentally drove over a cliff on a curving mountain road. It wasn't a scary dream. I was very objective through it and thought "I'm not going survive this." So, I said the Shema in the dream. Then I woke up. I had been driving down the mountain from the top.

Michael Berg, of the infamous Kabbalah Centre, writes about A Great Secret Of Yom Kippur:

There is a first part of the reading. It speaks about the death of Nadav and Avihu, the two children of Aaron. Why do we read about the death of the two children of Aaron on Yom Kippur? We know there are no coincidences. There is a reason this story precedes the discussion of the process of Yom Kippur.

Rabbi Berg goes on to write:

We also know today is the death anniversary of Rabbi Akiva, the death anniversary of Rav Ashlag. All those three are not a coincidence.

How do we understand that and how do we put it together? It says that when Rabbi Akiva was about to leave this world, it was a time when the Romans ruled the land of Israel. They did not want Rabbi Akiva to continue to teach, but he did, and was captured by the Romans.

The story is the Romans took combs of steel and were scraping his skin from his body to make his death what they thought was the most torturous possible.

As this process was happening, Rabbi Akiva began to say the Sh’ma. As he was beginning the process of leaving this world, his students said, don’t continue the prayer. Because they knew if he completed the prayer he would leave this world.

Rabbi Akiva said, all my life I have been waiting and worried about this verse, which speaks about giving over ourselves completely. When will I be able to completely do this process? Now I have the opportunity. How can I give it up?

Rabbi Akiva ended the Sh’ma and, as he said the word echad, his soul left.

So why did I wake up after saying the Shema in my dream? ס

The kabbalists teach a very interesting concept, that every action we do of sharing, of connection, is an action that has within it the power to achieve complete dvchut, complete union with the Light of the Creator. Not only that, the truly righteous, the true kabbalists, did that. When they came to the morning connection, they would put all of their life force into that connection. So how did they stay alive after the prayer?

The kabbalists teach that within the action itself is Light that returns the soul to the body. Because it’s a day to talk about truly high concepts, the true kabbalists completely gave themselves over in every connection that they made. They made that union, that dvchut, in every action of connection. Their entire being, their entire soul, went into that action.

The only reason their soul came back to their body is because the Light shines back to them. This is a battle for true righteous people to hold themselves back and keep their soul in their body. When they made that connection to the Light within the action, their soul wanted to connect completely. For a kabbalist, a truly righteous person, the physical body limits their ability to connect to the Light. They never want to return to their body after they make a connection, but the Creator says, you still have a job to do in your body.

As I wrote when describing my story in the comments over at DovBear:

This story isn't over yet.

It has newly begun. Walking On Fire is a living witness to that which began over a decade ago, and to the brilliantly transformative power singularly tied to the higher service (mesirut nefesh) of the goat for Azazel - אתהפכא חשוכא לנהורא.

The two goats are One on the mountain of paradox, walking the earth yet hovering the summit, touching yet not touching. חי

My vision of the Mountain of Paradox, like a visionary brit milah, occurred on the eighth day of Tishrei. I wrote of and elucidated it on the ninth day of Tishrei. I woke up from my dream, so I imagine that unlike Rabbi Akiva at the hands of the Romans centuries ago, I will awaken still among the living tomorrow on the tenth day of Tishrei as well. חי

Brit Milah Of Anointing Prophecy

ג' בתשרי תשס"ח

Another detail of importance to note regarding previous entries discussing my dream of Shmu'el ben Chanah's brit milah - the dream occurred on the third day of Tishrei.

Looking at the Jewish New Year kabbalistically, and associating the first day of Rosh Hashanah with the sefirah Keter, we can see that normatively, in a manner of descending light (aur yashar), the third day is associated with Binah, the third sefirah if one begins counting with Keter.

Through it's "third" day association with Binah, the brit milah in my dream is also associated with the "eighth" day - because Binah has a correspondence to the letter chet (with a gematria of 8) and is the "eighth" ascending (aur chozer) sefirah if one begins with Malchut. Thus, from the perspective of Malchut, the brit milah occurred on the "eighth" day (each of the seven days in a week of days corresponds to one of the lower seven sefirot - Binah is a "day" transcendent of the "seven" days/sefirot of Chesed through Malchut).

Brit Milah Of An Idea

ג' בתשרי תשס"ח

I dreamt.

I had just given birth. The "baby" was in the nursery. A figure came into the nursery area to inspect the newborn boy who was no bigger than a quarter, and curled up into a fetal position.

The newborn had a thick membrane attached to the scalp of his head. The figure now was clearly a mohel. The mohel lifted an overhanging corner of the membrane with the tip of his fingernail and peeled the membrane off the newborn's head. Then, he flipped the membrane over, inside out like a nun hafucha, and put it back on the newborn's head like a kippah. It was the same piece of membrane on the newborn's head, only it was flipped over and sitting on (as opposed to attached to) the scalp.

The newborn now had a kippah on.

I woke up.

Insect Of Redemption

א' באדר תשס"ז

In a previous post, I mentioned performing a "brit milah" on my witch's pestle this past shabbat. I also wrote of the formation of a man's figure in the dripping wax of my black shabbat candle as I made my kabbalistic name incense the same night. I had already prepared the reversal candle for the upcoming full moon reversal ritual prior to both blending the incense and to noticing the wax formation. In the entry, I also noted that I had let the wax figure fall off naturally as the candle melted. But, there is more to the story than previously reported ...

I let the wax man's figure, which amazingly still looked exactly the same as it had on the side of candle, remain where it had fallen from the candle onto the pentacle altar tile overnight. I wasn't sure what to do with it, so strange and perfectly formed was it, so I just left it there. I went to bed.

The next morning as I lay in bed not fully awake yet, I had a sudden vision in my mind of a black "shadow" insect running from the wooden altar box (in which my prepared reversal candle had been safely stored) over to and merging with the black wax of the figure laying on the pentacle. I knew this was not a "real" bug, but an insect of some mystical importance. I immediately got up, lit dragon's blood incense and a sage smudge stick, running the wax figure through the smoke of both. I then immediately put it in a box for leftover ritual candle wax for "burial in the earth" later.

I didn't know what the black bug meant, but I didn't want any negative energies attaching to something which was clearly important.

Insect in Hebrew is חיפושות and has a total gematria of 810. The digit sum of this value is 9, which is the value of the letter tet ט. Interestingly, insect - though one appears ugly - is from the shoresh חפש meaning "freeing" and "redeeming".

Technorati tags: Torah Talmud Torah Judaism Kabbalah jewish mysticism mysticism jewish meditation meditation shamanism jewish shamanism kabbalah iyunit kabbalah maasit jewitchery witch jewitch jewish woman sacred feminine divine feminine shechinah lilith spiritual development spirituality kosher spirituality

Sam Chayyim

כ"ט בשבט תשס"ז

Catherine Yronwode, a hoodoo rootworker writes regarding reading signs in candle magick:

When we burn candles, we often watch and wait for divinatory signs that tell us how the work is going to come out -- that is, whether the spell will be a success or not. Some of the common signs we observe are so-called "coincidences" (especially names and subject matter that relate to those in the spell). We can also consult a system of divination, such as using a pendulum or a Jack Ball, reading or cutting playing cards or tarot cards, or employing Bibliomancy (divination by means of a book such as the Bible). Another easy way to get a divination on candle-burning spells is through ceromancy -- divination by wax. In this case, the wax we "read" is the wax of the candles themselves.

As I was making my kabbalistic name incense last night, I noticed a strange wax formation hanging off the side of my black shabbat candle (which had been dressed with essential lavender oil prior to lighting it). The candle had been burning for quite some time, and I hadn't noticed the figure form on the side of candle. My kavanah was focused on blending my name incense, and yet, at the perfect time, the candle flame caught my eye.


The odd formation was the figure of a man who appeared to be "hanging on" (down and up the side of the candle) to get a glimpse of the flame [1]. The figure wasn't just dripping down the side - it was attached to the main portion of the candle wax via a small projection near the center of the body and had a "head and upper body portion" which was "gazing" at the flame. The attachment was shaped like - well, you know what - it also appeared to look like the death sickle in the hand (not raised, but lowered) of the grim reaper from another angle.

I considered knocking the wax off the body of the candle, as if it were a klipah. But, I decided to let it fall off gently as the candle continued burning. The figure seemed singlemindedly enchanted by the flame.

Later that evening, as I was removing (with a ritually dedicated utility knife) resin stuck to my pestle, I unintentionally scraped off a small bit of the pestle material itself. If you've ever worked with the thick resin of chelbenah, you can easily understand how this might stick to a pestle.

Reflecting upon all this, it's clear that the deep mind was operating here last night, given the figure of a man formed from the candle wax and the "brit milah" performed on my pestle last night. Truth is stranger than fiction could ever be. My name incense is truly an elixir of life everlasting.

Footnote:

[1] The candle I used was a black taper (not shown).

Technorati tags: Torah Talmud Torah Judaism Kabbalah jewish mysticism mysticism jewish meditation meditation shamanism jewish shamanism kabbalah iyunit kabbalah maasit jewitchery witch jewitch jewish woman sacred feminine divine feminine shechinah lilith spiritual development spirituality kosher spirituality prophecy nevuah brit milah