Mesorah Of The River Mnemosyne

י'ט בחשון תשס"ח

My maternal grandmother, Gladys Collins-Faulkner, granddaughter of Sue Turner-Grunwald and Will Grunwald, daughter of Elizabeth Grunwald-Faulkner and George Samuel Faulkner, mother of Cheryl Collins-Taylor and grandmother to Liorah Lleucu HaMasovevet, passed over early this morning of Samhain, Ram Cheshvan 19, האלון full of years at the age of 92.

Mnemosyne was also the name for a river in Hades, counterpart to the river Lethe, according to a series of 4th century BC Greek funerary inscriptions in dactylic hexameter. Dead souls drank from Lethe so they would not remember their past lives when reincarnated. Initiates were encouraged to drink from the river Mnemosyne when they died, instead of Lethe. These inscriptions may have been connected with a private mystery religion, or with Orphic poetry. (Wiki on Mnemosyne, Titan Goddess of Memory and Inventor of Words, One of three or four Elder Muses and Mother of nine Younger Muses.)

As a Mother of Eternal Life and a Mother of Muses, in the pure family tradition and mesorah of natural witches, may my grandmother, as I did preincarnately (described here and here), drink from Achdut, the River of Eternal Memory, the River Mnemosyne, and remember. Remember!

We are One.

I love you Grandma. May our memory be a blessing and carry us through it, to it, the brightening and the brilliance.

A witch is born, and by a witch a witch is made.

ברוך דיין האמת

Matriarch Of Covenantal Messianic Consciousness

ט"ו בתמוז תשס"ז

In parashat Pinchas is the phrase (Bamidbar 26:46) "the name of Asher's daughter, Serach ..." (v'shem bat-Asher, Serach). In Hebrew, this phrase reads:

ושם בת-אשר שרח

There are 3, well actually 4, words in this phrase. We have seen this 3 or 4 phenomenon before - with both the Hebrew letter shin and with the Celtic fire festivals.

The gematriot:

ושם = 346
בת = 402
אשר = 501
שרח = 508
_______
1754 = digit sum = 17 טוב = final digit sum 8

Adding the gematriot of each word by place-column:

6 + 2 + 1 + 8 = 14
4 + 0 + 0 + 0 = 4
3 + 4 + 5 + 5 = 17

14 + 4 + 17 = 35 אלד = final digit sum 8

We can see that the word אלד is hidden in the gematriot of the Torah phrase introducing Serach as a significant member of Yaakov's family. The Sages wonder why is Serach, a woman, mentioned so atypically and significantly here?

This is what I think - Serach, like Yitzchak and Yaakov, is a direct recipient of the covenantal blessing from Avraham and Sarah. In other words, Serach is the feminine equivalent of both Yitzchak and Yaakov combined, in terms of directly receiving the covenantal blessing on the feminine side. This understanding is hidden in the word אלד, itself hidden within the Torah phrase of parashat Pinchas.

The word אלד means "I shall give birth". Sarah laughingly utters this word when Hashem tells Avraham that Sarah will bear a child, Yitzchak. Indeed, Serach the Eternal, is the source of Sarah's laughter regarding the birth of Yitzchak, and is the source of the "births" of both covenantal and messianic consciousness through the evolution of Sarah.

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The Power Of Az

There are two traditional "discrepencies" involving the number 70. One is in Vayigash and the other concerns the number of lines the shirah of parashat Ha'azinu must be written on. Two other numbers connected to the "70 discrepencies" are the numbers 1 and 3. Both 1 and 3 pertain to the constellation of the upper sefirot; 1 to keter and 3 to chochmah, binah and da'at. The number 70, of course being a multiple of 7, pertains to the "woman of valor" operating as an interface between the lower 7 sefirot and the upper sefirot within the worlds of yetzirah (70) and assiyah (7).

Putting the extremes (sefirot-wise) together, one has:
az (אז), then - see Bahir 139-142 for significance

Also interestingly 70-7 spells "power":
az (עז)

I've written a little previously about the "70 discrepencies" here:
The Aleppo Codex, Serach & Hanhaga

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Sprouting From My Roots

Following this post on the eleven 2-letter roots of etz chai, I dreamt.

I was staying temporarily at "changing" (shinui) boarding houses in a nearby city to go to classes at the university. And, for some reason, like the contamination of "time" mentioned in a previous dream, I couldn't stay at my parents' home. The contamination was only contamination for those like me, not for "the normals" (like neurotypicals) who were not sensitive to the "time contamination".

I was in an alternate reality. I thought to travel back to my parents' home to pick up something and bring it to where I was, and I was immediately there. I "traveled" (kefitzat haderech) between realities by just thinking about it. I directed my attention toward someplace or some action, and I was there or it was done.

In the dream, I was taking university classes with a girl friend (chaverah) of mine.

Between classes, we had to change clothes (levushim). To change clothes, we had to miss a class. Changing clothes, I put on a pretty white linen (kittel) dress, a white t-shirt, and a white "girdle" - there wasn't any underslip in the closet in the room where my friend and I were staying temporarily. I knew we wouldn't be staying there for long anyway. Something big was coming.

There was a rumble deep deep in the "place" beyond the screen vision of my dream. My "form" was no longer participating as a form in the dream - I was omnipresently observing (shor) the people of the boarding house now.

The rumble was like an earthquake, but it was also "in the heavens" (aravot) where reality was "created". There was like molten fiery material (tzurah and chomer) from the deep heavenly realm just "outside" the boundaries of the "house of the dream". (In other words, the entire dream was "housed" by the symbolism of the house now; it was a Beit Yosef.)

I saw molten fiery material "drip" secretly through air vents. None of the other inhabitants of the house were aware of the coming change. But, I observed it coming.

Down in the laundry room, a cooling (materializing) yet still fiery thick newly created "tree root" (of Torah) ancient of days penetrated and burst like a behemot through a clothes dryer door, astounding all the inhabitants doing laundry. Some massive reconstruction of the foundation of existence was going on, all realized.

שור A new reality is coming.

I woke up.

One of the 2-letter hebrew roots I considered last night but decided not to use to describe the individual categories within my Hall Of Records formed part of a 3-letter root which carried the meaning "emerging tree root". That 3-letter root I relocated in my book this afternoon to use as the shoresh (3-letter hebrew root) to characterize the entirety of my Hall Of Records. I eventually settled on using a 4-letter word derived from this shoresh, which I will now explain.

On the symbolism of the emergence of the tree root in my dream this morning:

The 3-letter root (shoresh) I was considering as I was deciding on 2-letter gates (she’arim) for the categories in my Hall of Records is גזע which means "emerge", "sprout from soil", "family stock", and like in my dream - "emerging tree root" [1].

מגזע is a word (found in Yishayahu 11:1) derived from the shoresh גזע.

But a shoot shall grow out of the stock of Yishai,
A twig shall sprout from her roots.

The word מגזע has a gematria of 120, samech סמך, support.
The shoresh גזע has a gematria of 80, yesod יסוד, foundation.

The word מגזע is found in Yishayahu, perek (chapter) 11, pasuk (verse) 1 – a reverse vision of my 1 Hall of Records which has 11 categories.

Footnote:

[1] Etymological Dictionary Of Biblical Hebrew, R' Matityahu Clark

**********

What exactly is the Geder of Geze? The dream of the emerging ancient tree root is obviously speaking to my lineage in some manner as well, even though I am a ba'alat teshuvah.

The dream also pertains to the שור Shor Habor through the "line" which connects the hei ה of Sarah and the chet ח of Serach (see Parah Adumah Ritual II) through the gate of שר.

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The Aleppo Codex, Serach & Hanhaga

Fred MacDowell at On The Main Line writes regarding the Aleppo Codex:

The Aleppo Codex (כתר ארם צובא) was the possession of the Jewish community of Aleppo, Syria for centuries. It was regarded as a treasure, which is why it was called by them The Crown; הכתר or 'el-Taj. By tradition it was regarded as having been written (or rather vocalized) by the greatest Masorete, 'Aharon (ben Moshe) ben 'Asher, which is what a colophon page in the book claimed. Furthermore, it was believed that this was the very book which the Rambam consulted in writing his own sepher Torah, as recounted in Mishne Torah Hilkhot Sepher Torah 8:5.

Fred also points out in his article:

1) In the Mishne Torah the Rambam says that the shirah of parashat ha'azinu must be written on 70 lines in a Torah (fully in accord with massekhet sopherim, I believe, sorry no cite at the moment).

2) In the Aleppo Codex this is written on 67 lines.

This would seem reason enough to conclude that this wasn't then the codex used by the Rambam, even with the long tradition. However, pointed out eagle-eyed Goshen-Gottstein, there is a mistake. It says 70 lines in all printed editions of the Rambam. What about old manuscripts? Sure enough, in the most authoritative manuscript of the Mishne Torah (in Oxford's Bodleian Library, the Huntington 80 mss) it says 67 lines, not 70. (Why is this the most authoritative manuscript? Because this appears in it.

This 67/70 ambiguity regarding the lines distinguishing the codex/mesorah used by Rambam to write his sefer Torah reminds me of parashat Vayigash. In this Torah portion, there is also an ambiguity involving the 69 (or is it 70) souls who went down into mitzrayim with Yaakov.

Interestingly, Serach figures significantly to both the 69/70 "discrepancy" of souls in parashat Vayigash, and to the 67/70 "discrepancy" of lines in the codex/mesorah consulted by Rambam to write his sefer Torah. Serach is both one of the "souls" listed in Vayigash, and she is the soul to whom the mesorah was given according to Yalkut Shim'oni 64.

For some odd reason (probably because I just learned this word today on Yitz' blog, Israel At War), I am connecting the double x/70 discrepancies [1] with the concept of hanhaga הנהגה as well. Perhaps it's the 3 feminine letters hey ה in the word hanhaga הנהגה and the 3 seemingly "missing" or hidden lines of the mesorah which are aligning together in my mind.

Even more oddly, I am also connecting the whole x/70 dilemma with the double kaf כ of the cooper scroll of Qumran. The seemingly "missing (or hidden) 3" may correlate to the "hidden" intellectual attributes of chochmah, binah and da'at/keter, where the hebrew letter kaf כ likewise correlates to the sefirah keter - and to its 2 distinct partzufim (the double kaf כ) and 3 "heads" (the 3 letters hey ה). Significantly, hey ה is the hebrew letter representing actualized expression in the 3 forms of thought, speech and action. Kaf כ is the hebrew letter "able" to actualize "potential" expression.

Further following this "hanhaga, head and expression thread", Yitz writes of hanhaga:

The answer is that while God Himself is Ein Sof, He has created a place of interaction between Himself and humanity that is, for our sakes, bounded and defined. This place is called hanhaga -- and this is the realm within which we can make use of our understanding and knowledge.

Moreover, hanhaga is from the root nahag נהג meaning to vocalize directions for movement [2], to lead and to conduct [3]. Important to the meaning of providing direction through vocalization, Serach is she, who through her voice, sang the words "Yosef is alive", which revived the spirit of Yaakov. In other words, Serach vocalized to direct the movement of Yaakov's spirit toward revival.

Taking all this together, Serach is critically linked to the meaning of nahag נהג , the root to the realm of Divine-human interaction, as well as to the x/70 ambiguity involving the Aleppo Codex (the mesorah) used by the Rambam. Moreover, the mystical voice of Serach holds the key to the mystery (כ) and expression (ה-ה-ה) of the mesorah; each corresponding to the discrepancies of 69/70 and 67/70 respectively. Serach is the connection between them all. Additionally, the combined gematria of the letters representing "mystery" (כ) and "expression" (ה-ה-ה) is לה 35, meaning "to her". In other words, to her (Serach) the mesorah was given.

I realize this entry is a bit chaotically put together at this point. Nevertheless, the thread of connection has been established. The idea remains to be more fully developed with further study.

Footnotes:

[1] where x = 1 kaf (כ) and/or x = 3 letters hey (ה-ה-ה)
[2] Etymological Dictionary Of Biblical Hebrew, R' Matityahu Clark
[3] YitzD, Israel At War, Kabbalah 2: A Glimpse Of G-d

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A Mystery Of Consciousness

For a thousand years in Thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, {N} and as a watch in the night.
Tehilim 90:4

Rite Of Serach - Eternal Memory
the mesorah was given to Serach
Yalkut Shim'oni 64



My remembering is eternal [1]. My memory [2] doesn't "begin" when I was a young child. My memory doesn't "begin" at all. I have "seen" [3] the whole of my existence - like the rough draft of a story unfolding from some elemental [4] core level of existence. This core existence was one of simultaneous being and becoming in flux. It was a pure undistinguishing protoawareness with an ever-connected unknowable yet only knowable "tail" into that absolutely ineffable [5] and as yet unmanifest. This nascent consciousness was without materiality [6], and was somewhere "in between" being ineffable and "yet nothing yet". It was an "acting without object" and a "moving against nothing". From the act of "undistinguishing doing of determined trying" [7] was generated a change from quasi-passive projection to active reflection, and to protocuriosity and protowondering -> further generating a "state of gathering" [8] an impression [9] of awareness together into a unified state [10] of "almost". This unified state of "almost" was itself further fleshed out more fully by actively distinguishing from a position within the unified state into "acting twin states" [11] of pure trying and pure doing in interaction. The interaction [12] of these twin states captured awareness [13] into an acting "substance" [14] expressing thought [15]. Whew! A singularly complex mouthful!

How can I describe it more truly? I don't know really. All I can do is try. And that is what my website, Walking On Fire, and online journals are about - telling my story as best I can with the evolving tools that I have - a soul, intelligence, emotion, and the languages of words, music and art to share it through.

GENERAL REFLECTIONS ON MY PREINCARNATE MEMORIES

My remembering has looked in. It has looked out. It has seen (from Atzilut INTO before and) "before passing through" and surviving, a churning river of fire [16] able to annihilate being. It has seen from all-being [17] and non being [18], and looked back into both from the other side (sitra ahra), where this world (olam hazeh, עולם הזה), the previous world (tohu, תהו) and the world to come (olam haba, עולם הבא) are all one (le-atid leva, לעתיד לבא) "perfectly fit" together from some bright (tehiru tata'ah) and brilliant (tehiru ela'ah) future/time to come, some olam ha-malbush of splendors - a vision of this was also part of the closet experience when I was a little girl (see Epiphany).

The sense of intuitive "smell" [19] is that which connects and threads through both "this side" and "the other side", enabling ultimate re-unification. The soul who crosses the river of fire which separates them is uniquely marked [20] by the experience of crossing. The mark (brit milah) identifies the whole soul [21], and establishes an eternal connection between the two soul halves (male and female, "the other" and "this" sides), even though in the worlds of separation (Beriyah, Yetzirah and Assiyah), they appear as separate entities. How does it do this? With a cry that pierces through worlds.

Brit milah in the physical world (Assiyah) is a male passive (feminine) reflection (aur chozer) of the brit which is performed at the female active (masculine) projection (aur yasher) interfacing Atzilut and Beriyah. This interface "of purposeful female activity" creates a web of complexity in simplicity. The cluster of created complexity becomes a barrier (orlah) which prevents the female soul from returning to and recentering in Atzilut. Consequently, the essence of the orlah a male is physically born with reflects this purpose.

Removal of the orlah also has purpose. Brit milah is the mechanism by which the whole soul may ultimately overcome the barrier, enabling the male and female halves to reunite and re-enter Atzilut. However, the path of re-entry into Atzilut is through the gate (tarah/targum) of the physical world.

The female soul, whose essential inclination derives from the dark light of Ein Sof (Atzmut) which seeks to rest in thoughbare unity (she-ein bo machshavah) is therefore naturally drawn "back" toward the supernal realms. She is "called" into further incarnation and manifest existence (through Beriyah, Yetzirah and Assiayh) from the treasury of souls (in malchut of Atzilut, the keter of Beriyah) in response to the cry of pain arising from removal of the orlah.

The presence of the male soul in existence is sensed (a function of yirah) by the female soul. She responds to his cry of pain (a function of ahavah) by turning away from Atzilut and toward further incarnation by the drive (a function of emet) to find the male soul. I describe these actions in several of my poetic writings. The ability to recognize one's bashert [22] derives from the soul level of chayah (as does eternal remembering) and is a feminine function of Hod. Once she recognizes him, there is no other.

Some years ago, a few years following my return to Judaism and Torah as an adult, after not knowing (and yet holding it forever cherished and near) how to name this experience of "the river of fire" and "before/to come", I identified the river of fire that I passed through from all-being/not being into a level of constricted consciousness [23], in addition to being the Nahar Dinur, as also being the Shabbat river, the Sambatyon, as described in Jewish kabbalah (the mystical tradition of Torah). These rivers are The River Abraham and Sarah crossed and marks the passage of the soul from the world of Atzilut into the world of Beriyah, and apparent separation of the male soul from the female soul.

My remembering is circular-like [24]and linear-like [25]. When "regular" times become incorporated into the times of the brightening and the brilliance [26], this light permeates all existence retrospectively, filling it all in all "times". This action is described in the kabbalah as an action initiated by the Hebrew letter "vav", the conversive vav (the guarantor of redemption, vav hahipuch).

As it is written by David HaMelech "for a thousand years in your eyes are but a bygone yesterday." (Tehilim 90:4). Poetry I surely know too.

My memories have not been "recalled" following a state of "forgetting". It is hard to explain. I was born remembering and I have never forgotten. My preincarnate (and pre/perinatal) memories of nascent acting awareness are not ones I have recalled following some trauma or in consequence to hypnosis or some other psychological technique to induce memory. I have never been hypnotized. I don't use drugs. I don't have any psychotic syndrome. I do have autistic features to my personality.

I JUST REMEMBER and have guarded the memories throughout my life [27], having never forgotten the experience of seeing before being born. In kabbalah, there is a story (Niddah 30b) that every human being is shown his or her destiny and taught the whole of Torah while in the womb. At birth an angel allegedly flicks the babe on the mouth and extinguishes the "candle in the womb", making the babe forget all it was taught and all it saw. Ashkenazi communities ritually mourn this loss the shabbat night prior to the ritual of brit milah. This story speaks to my experience of remembering before I was born physically and before I was born "into" physicality. There are no angels in my memories. Only you and I. And then others we knew / know / will know.

It is all whole within me. Still. Waiting for words to describe it to be unlocked.

Footnotes & References:

[1] a function of the partzuf Imma Ila'ah of the Chayah soul level of Atzilut
[2] a function of da'at, having the powers of memory, concentration, connection and unification
[3] ra'oh, an apprehending vision of the future/existence perceived generally due to the interinclusion of free-will into the experience of pre-physical existence
[4] tzurah
[5] Atik Yomin
[6] mi-ratz hiyuli, formless "running" energy, from the verb root ritzeiyah, רציה
[7] a function of hod, having the power of perserverance
[8] chomer hiyuli, formless protomatter
[9] reshimu
[10] aretz, which is malchut of Atzilut, tiferet of Beriyah and keter of Yetzirah
[11] gulgalta-state, the origin of will and enclothing the chesed of Atik Yomin, and the mocha stima'ah-state, which is the power to generate new intelligence and to clarify reality, through the expression of chochmah of Arich Anpin and of gevurah of Atik Yomin
[12] a function of the Yechidah soul level of Ak, Adam Kadmon
[13] Dikna
[14] malchut, having the power of self-expression
[15] machshavah
[16] the shabbat river, the sambatyon; and the river dinur, nahar dinur
[17] Ein Sof, generated by the malchut of Echad and the power through which the brightening, tehiru tata'ah, and the brilliance, tehiru ela'ah
[18] Ein
[19] smelling, from the Hebrew word reiach, like the vapor of an unextinguished memory of wholeness, originating from the orot ozen-chotem-peh of Adam Kadmon
[20] an identifying brit marking its unique connection to the Torah unlike any other
[21] shlaimus, male and female together
[22] true predestined soul mate
[23] katnut, a constricted state of malchut, spoken of in stanza 7 of the liturgical shabbat poem Lecha Dodi, and made in order to enliven the worlds of Beriyah, Yetzirah and Assiyah
[24] looking in from surrounding and more directed - toward time -and around from a myriad of perspectives and foci
[25] looking through the eye of time from one end to the other, where time itself becomes incorporated into the "times" of existence I describe as the brightening and the brilliance in my writings
[26] a redemption which can occur for soulmates and collectively for the nation of Yisrael and universally for all nations and all creation, through the secret of intercalation, sod ha-ibbur
[27] shamor vezachor, relating to the concept of guarding the memory of one's bashert, where achieving unity with one's bashert is a secret of shabbat observance

crossposted to my livejournal in Ba'alat Teshuvah Story (a series of 17 posts describing some of my pre-incarnate and prenatal memories leading up to and including the story of my return to Torah as an adult)

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Parah Adumah

Dangerous Mind. The evolution of the female soul from Sarah (Sarai's pintele yid, point consciousness) to Serach (area consciousness), in its journey (line consciousness) through the fiery river dinur into the blue flame of the shepherd (vav hahipuch), is the secret of the ritual of parah adumah and of making a vessel fit for ha-moshiach. The keys are in the vowels.

Voice Of The Vowels. The hey of Sarah begins to become the chet of Serach in the revelation of one little drop of ink (unfolding the pintel yid of Sarai), from the hand of tafsaret, the soferet carrying the mesorah and spark of messianic consciousness. Through the hey of her name, Sarah Imenu functions to birth a soul from the echad of ein sof, and carries it across the barrier (the fiery river dinur) separating atzilut from beriyah. As this soul of Sarah unfolds into Serach (covering 5 generations, i.e., worlds), the hey becomes a chet (indicating both a transcendent yet immanent soul) in assiyah, the gate back into the echad of ein sof.

4 hebrew letters - from line to area, vowels & consonants
5 ogham vowels - points & lines