Monday, August 07, 2006

Eternal Flame

Describing a repetitive dream from babyhood through young adulthood. (Posted in My Ba'alat Teshuvah Story.)

Behold, He that keepeth Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps ... Tehilim 121:4

over and over, a repetitive dream
curling through forms everchanging
yet the basic message, ever unchanging
turning years, over years
over years, those
occupying babyhood and childhood
even through the thirties, though winding down
those stricken
by something hideous it seemed
as teeth grew in and fell out
over and over, filling up my mouth
completely inside, overflowing
and no matter how many times
I spit them out
like time sped up, with each evacuation
pushing more out, and iterating
within the emptiness revealed
in the mystery concealed
with some urgency
spitting out what, I'll never know

and, as I grew older
the repetition, probed deeper
deep deep down
into the inner jaw bone
as the innards dissolved away
teeth and roots, uprooted
exposed into the brain
the naked rawness
hide hide, in my mind
for now
as my hand covered my mouth
fleeing in the dreams
away into, into no thing I could see
yet crushed and broken
this in the dream, seeing
the untruth I was fed, but not meant to be
even then
moving silently, even then
still everpresent
each dream transformation testifying
as to why this thing
happened to me
set like a riddle
engraved clear through the door
with a voice never silenced
even then
during the long dark, dark night

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