Friday, December 19, 2008

University Advanced Mathematics Class Dream

כ"ב כסלו תשס"ט
Shamash 23

Last night I dreamt.

I was in a university classroom on the first day of class in an advanced mathematics class. I was there as a prodigy in math and had not been part of this particular group of students through the years. The professor filled the blackboards with equations and began lecturing and asking questions about them. There was a variable among the equations which I had not seen before. It was a capital 'D'. I raised my hand to ask the professor to define the capital 'D', asking my question among the students' discussions and questions going on about the math.

Then, I heard a group of girls behind me talking badly about me amongst themselves and to the other students in the class. They didn't want me there. They were angry that I was there. They belonged there. They already knew the definition of the capital D. See, they said to the other students, she wasn't so smart, she didn't even know the definition of the captial D.

The ringleader of the group of girls (who was sitting in the desk behind me) reached over and grabbed my books and class learning materials from off my desk. She and her group of girl-bullies began advocating for me to be kicked out of class. No one came to my defense or made the girl give me back my books peacefully. So, I stood up from my desk and grabbed my books and class learning materials back from her. I had learned all my advanced math up to this point on my own and without them, and my knowledge and self-taught skill had gained me placement in the university's advanced math class. I didn't need either them or the professor to learn what was going to be taught in this class. I was quite capable of learning it on my own without them - I had my own books and learning materials for the class and I would learn it without them. I walked out of the classroom.

I woke up.

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Dare to be true to yourself.