Sunday, September 30, 2012

Strengthening Magical Will

Power Casting
My friend OneEye wrote to me:

Ever have someone tell you that when casting a spell to keep silent about it? Wonder why? Well, what if you are using your will to change some facet of reality (what spellcasting really is), and someone or some ones find out who do not wish that to happen, their will can override yours. Likewise, I'm sure we all know or know about people with exceptionally strong wills who have accomplished their designs despite great forces set against them. Why? Because their will was stronger than the will of those set against them.

This is true. To be honest, sometimes I "tell my spells" precisely so that adversaries with strong wills will attempt to thwart my will from manifesting as an exercise to strengthen my magical will. I believe that consciousness and will remain connected to the spells we work (generally, unless "cut off"), so an adversary working against my will gives my will a strengthening workout (by pushing and railing against it), so to speak. I've built up the strength and power of my will in this manner over the years.

One easy example of the power of this approach can be seen in the very existence and success of Witchcrafts Artisan Alchemy. Despite that I live in the conservative Midwest bible belt (as opposed to a liberal environment like California) and despite the adversarial opposition my shoppe has encountered from publicly slanderous competitors, Witchcrafts Artisan Alchemy continues to succeed and has grown to become a premier artisan occult shoppe on Etsy.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Dipping into the Sea of Ancestral Essence

Background - Yesterday I listed for sale at my Etsy shoppe shark teeth and Sahara Sea creature remains from the Eocene Epoch. The start of the Eocene is marked by the emergence of the first modern mammals and lasted from about 56 to 34 million years ago . The dinosaurs were already extinct during the Eocene Epoch, but huge predators still ruled the sea. I also posted on my shoppe Facebook page a video discussing the source of consciousness as hidden and taught in Old Norse myths. In the video, the Nine Daughters of Ægir are also discussed as they pertain to this source of conscious awareness. The emergence of the first primitive mammals (mouse-like creatures) following the extinction of the dinosaurs (during an epoch earlier than the Eocene, namely in the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event, often referred to as the Cretaceous–Tertiary extinction event, which occurred approximately 65.5 million years ago) links to my mouse fylgja. Extinction of the dinosaurs is linked by science to extinctions of ocean floor species following asteroid impact.

Early this morning, I dreamt a dream of bringing up a giant (jotun) creature from the Ancient Sea. The creature was at once also me.

I was on a exploring research ship sailing upon the Dark Sea in a liminal time containing both all time and timelessness. We lowered down a large net into the depths of Dark Sea, seeking to bring up something very important, very ancient, very mysterious.

We brought up an ancient cocoon-like liminal-like bubble shell-craft in which an Ancient Creature had been preserved. The Ancient Creature was both a sea creature and me at the same time. As a sea creature, the bubble ship and its content reminded me of a giant clam-like creature. As me, it reminded me of a hibernating human form with all its books and computer gadgets resting in a time capsule cocoon of some sort. It had been brought up to the surface - I felt the creature's "studies" would now reawaken.

The dream changed.

As one among three couples, we had moved into a long-shaped apartment (brings to mind now a Viking longship), though we all had private living spaces. One of the males of the couples, named Jeff (derived from German Gottfried, meaning "Divine peace"), the companion of one of my "sisters", had been charged to find us our apartment. He had done well. We were all pleased. We were moving into this apartment because of a new research job-study we were all participating in.

One of my sisters had the job of being the homemaker. The rest of us had jobs outside of the home. I recall the floors being vacuumed in preparation for our move into the new apartment.

My new state of the art high tech computer software was being set up and configured for the research project. During the set-up, I had a bit of difficulty with the number 2 on the touch screen. I had to try several times before touching the number 2 right, getting my touch to strike the screen right to get my entry to take. It "took" on the third try.

After setup, I saw and also wanted a cool sleek black backpack like the one being carried by one of my sisters, so I could carry my computer stuff around with me too. I put in my order for one. Fossilized amber was associated with unlocking and accessing our computers. (Amber is associated with Freyja and ancient witchcraft.)

I woke up. I also listed a few specimens (here and here) of copal amber from Madagascar yesterday on my Etsy shoppe. During my last ritual blot (Haustblot), I had placed my own more ancient fossilized amber with fossil inclusions on my harrow in honor of Freyja.

The Source of Awareness- Knowledge Hidden in Old Norse Myths

The Source of Awareness and the Fire from Within - Hidden Knowledge in Old Norse myths. Compares hidden realities revealed in Old Norse Myths with mysteries as discussed in the works of Carlos Castaneda.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Mysteries, Heimdallr and the World Tree

A little over half way through the video linked below (embedding disabled), it discusses Heimdallr as the "Living Universe", which is very relevant to my own experience of the mysteries when I was 5 or 6.

Mysteries, Heimdallr and the World Tree

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Considering Heimdallr As My Patron

Given my own ancestral genetic U5 motherline is connected to the indigenous hunter-gatherers of Scandinavia (as discussed in earlier posts here and here) who have been in Europe for nearly 50,000 years, and that this population seems to be associated with the Vanir, while Odin is connected to Aesir (and possibly to the population who came into Europe about 25,000 years ago bringing ancestral genetic motherline haplogroup H with them), it seems even more likely that I took my mystical space-worlds-journey when I was a child with Heimdallr, a deity with origins in the Vanir by many, and the one who "guards" the Bifrost Bridge.

I am seriously considering that Heimdallr is a patron deity to me.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Examining the Growth & Expansion of mtDNA Haplogroup H

In follow-up to my earlier post which compares my general mtDNA haplogroup (namely, U5, the oldest and indigenous haplogoup in Europe) with the predominant mtDNA haplogroup in Europe today, namely H, this post will examine possible factors which influenced the growth and expansion of haplogroup H.

The Neolithic agricultural (farming) revolution began about 12,000 years ago, so the H-haplogroup migration wave which came into Europe 20-25,000 years ago would not have been of a farmer culture. The H-wave migration consisted also of hunter-gatherers coming from West Asia (in the literature) into the areas populated by the indigenous U5 tribes.

In the article Occupy the Neolithic at ScienceNOW, we are informed:

Most researchers agree that social hierarchies began with the advent of farming. The earliest known farming communities are found in the Near East, dating back almost 11,000 years. Archaeologists have looked for evidence of social stratification in these societies with mixed results. Some early farming societies show signs that people played different roles and that some were buried with greater ritual—shuffling off this mortal coil with a number of elaborate "grave goods," including pottery and stone tools. However, there is little evidence that social inequality was hereditary or rigidly defined.

That seems to have changed sometime after farmers moved into Europe from the Near East, beginning about 8500 years ago during a period known as the European Neolithic.

One of the best studied farming cultures is the Linearbandkeramik (LBK), which arose in what is today Hungary about 7500 years ago ... LBK societies were "patrilocal," meaning that males tended to stay put in one place while females moved in from other areas to mate with them (which may explain why mtDNA haplogroup H is the predominant ancestral motherline in Europe). A number of recent genetic studies have shown similar patterns among early European farmers. "The signatures from these skeletons reinforce other indications of male-dominated descent and even land inheritance," Bentley says, adding that such social inequalities "only grew in extent and scale" over the course of history." To read more, click link.

So, the growth and extent of haplogroup H in Europe may be closely correlated with the dynamics and spread of farming communities throughout Europe.

In Northern Tradition folklore, Heimdallr (also known as Rig) is the deity associated with "assigning" by birth the societal group into which one is born. It makes sense that the largest group would consist of the farmer group known as karls or bondi (which also included craftsmen, landowners, and other freeborn people). The other two major societal groups in ancient times were known as thralls (serfs and slaves) and jarls (priests, nobles and kings). - 

European mtDNA Haplogroups U and H

Though my very specific U5b1b1* subclade markers localized my own deep genetic ancestral motherline root to Sweden, the chart in this link at Eupedia (Distribution of European mitochondrial DNA (mtDNA) haplogroups by region in percentage) shows that, generally, the broader U and U5 mtDNA haplogroups (both to which my own subclade belongs) both have their highest distribution frequency in Finland.

While the highest distribution frequency for U5 is in Finland, the predominant mtDNA haplogroup overall in Finland is haplogroup H, just like in other European countries. In an earlier post I reported that my relatively rare ancestral motherline mtDNA haplogroup U5 (11% of modern Europeans) has its origins in the indigenous hunter-gatherer population of Scandinavia. Following later migrations across Europe of cultures originating in Western Asia, the predominant mtDNA haplogroup in Scandinavia and in other European countries became as they are in modern historical times:

Albania - H
Austria - H
Basques - H
Belgium - H
Bosnia-Herzegovina - H
Bulgaria - H
Croatia - H
Czech Republic - H
Denmark - H
England - H
Estonia - H
Finland - H
France - H
Germany - H
Greece - H
Hungary - H
Iceland - H
Ireland - H
Italy - H
Latvia - H
Lithuania - H
Macedonia - H
Netherlands - H
Norway - H
Poland - H
Portugal - H
Romania - H
Russia - H
Scotland - H
Serbia - H
Slovenia - H
Spain - H
Sweden - H
Switzerland - H
Ukraine - H
Wales - H 

So, we can see that in modern times, mtDNA haplogroup H is the predominant ancestral genetic motherline to many Europeans and to those of European ancestry. Haplogroup H is known in Brian Sykes' book, The Seven Daughters of Eve, as Clan Helena. Since about one half of all Europeans (and those of European descent) are of mtDNA haplogroup H, here is a link to read more about Clan Helena - Haplogroup H

Haplogroup H was carried to Europe by migrations c. 20-25,000 years ago, with several independent studies concluding that haplogroup H probably evolved in West Asia c. 30,000 years ago.

The only geographical regions where haplogroup U (Clan Ursula) predominates in frequency over haplogroup H (Clan Helena) are:

Adygey - in the northern foothills of the North Caucasus Mountains
Bashkirs- Volga-Ural, a region located around the Ural Mountains
Volga-Finnic - eastern Finns

These 3 predominantly haplogroup U regions represent the extant indigenous peoples of Russia (of the Caucasus and Volga-Ural regions) as well.

Gail Tonnesen/FTDNA U5 Project scientist writes:

Haplogroup U is estimated to have lived in the Near East or Southwest Asia some 55,000 years ago, about 15,000 years after modern humans expanded out of Africa. U5 probably expanded into Europe with the first modern humans some 47,000 years ago.

So, the working timeline among scientists is that U5 was present in Europe by around 47,000 years ago (coming from the Near East/Middle East/Anatolia through Russia), while haplogroup H came into Europe about 20-25,000 years ago (from West Asia which includes the Near/Middle East).

Monday, September 17, 2012

My Ancestral Genetic Motherline Indigenous to Scandinavia

For those of you following my ancestor work ~ Through my ancestral genetic motherline (U5b1b1*), I can trace my maternal ancestors clear back to the earliest hunter-gatherers in Northern Europe. A rare haplogroup in Europe generally, haplogroup U5 has roots in earliest prehistoric Palaeololithic Europe. Clan Ursula (general haplogroup U5) - the ancestral motherline Clan to which I belong - is the oldest surviving genetic motherline haplogroup in Europe.

From Family Tree DNA [Gail Tonnesen/FTDNA U5 Project]:

As the ice began to retreat about 15,000 years ago, haplogroup U5 was among the first people to repopulate central and northern Europe. We know this because U5 is the dominant haplogroup in ancient remains of early hunter-gatherer populations in Europe, with U5 and its sister group U4 representing about 90% of the earliest hunter-gatherers. U5 was largely replaced by early farmers and other Neolithic immigrants to Europe and currently U5 represents only about 11% of European mtDNA. Some very old subclades of U5 are extremely rare, perhaps because they represent the remnants of hunter-gatherers that were largely replaced.

Read more at link above.

What this means is that my ancestral motherline hails from the indigenous native population of Scandinavia.

Sunday, September 09, 2012

The Genetic Memories of Gollveig-Heid

In follow-up to my previous two posts (here and here), Gollveig is an earlier name for Heid (also written Heith). Heid is my Teutonic sacred name.

Many thanks and much appreciation to my friend OneEye who provided this information from the lore of Northern Tradition:

From Voluspa in the Poetic Edda:

21. The war I remember, | the first in the world,
When the gods with spears | had smitten Gullveig,
And in the hall | of Hor had burned her,
Three times burned, | and three times born,
Oft and again, | yet ever she lives.

22. Heith they named her | who sought their home,
The wide-seeing witch, | in magic wise;
Minds she bewitched | that were moved by her magic,
To evil women | a joy she was.

23. On the host his spear | did Othin hurl,
Then in the world | did war first come;
The wall that girdled | the gods was broken,
And the field by the warlike | Wanes was trodden.

Traditional commentary on these stanzas:

[21. This follows stanza 20 in Regius; in the Hauksbok version stanzas 25, 26, 27, 40, and 41 come between stanzas 20 and 21. Editors have attempted all sorts of rearrangements. The war: the first war was that between the gods and the Wanes. The cult of the Wanes (Vanir) seems to have originated among the seafaring folk of the Baltic and the southern shores of the North Sea, and to have spread thence into Norway in opposition to the worship of the older gods; hence the "war." Finally the two types of divinities were worshipped in common; hence the treaty which ended the war with the exchange of hostages. Chief among the Wanes were Njorth and his children, Freyr and Freyja, all of whom became conspicuous among the gods. Beyond this we know little of the Wanes, who seem originally to have been water-deities. I remember: the manuscripts have "she remembers," but the Volva is apparently still speaking of her own memories, as in stanza 2. Gollveig ("Gold-Might"): apparently the first of the Wanes to come among the gods, her ill treatment being the immediate cause of the war. Müllenhoff maintains that Gollveig is another name for Freyja. Lines 5-6, one or both of them probably interpolated, seem to symbolize the refining of gold by fire. Hor ("The High One"): Othin.

22. Heith ("Shining One"?): a name often applied to wise women and prophetesses. The application of this stanza to Gollveig is far from clear, though the reference may be to the [fp. 11] magic and destructive power of gold. It is also possible that the stanza is an interpolation. Bugge maintains that it applies to the Volva who is reciting the poem, and makes it the opening stanza, following it with stanzas 28 and 30, and then going on with stanzas I ff. The text of line 2 is obscure, and has been variously emended.]

[23. This stanza describes the battle and the victory of the Wanes, after which the gods took council, debating whether to pay tribute to the victors, or to admit them, as was finally done, to equal rights of worship.

This is simply stunning. I'm in that moment when you know you are where you are supposed to be. This is my story! All of these years and decades I've searched for it, and here it is!

Gollveig means Gold-might. In some traditions, gold symbolizes harsh judgment. So, the bifurcation discussed in my previous post here could be a separation of ancestral might from the force-quality of harsh judgment. This actually fits very well with my memory as described in the "bloody" poem.

I'll have to look at what the runes have to say about these particular arrangement of letters in the name Gollveig.

In the commentary to the lore
the Volva who is reciting (communicating) the poem ... (is) the Volva (who) is apparently still speaking of her own memories

I'm trembling.

In the commentary to the lore

The cult of the Wanes (Vanir) seems to have originated among the seafaring folk of the Baltic and the southern shores of the North Sea, and to have spread thence into Norway in opposition to the worship of the older god

My genetic motherline is U5b1b1 (actually U5b1b1* which has extra nucleotide transitions than the plain U5b1b1, and also has the same backmutation as Saami-specific motif U5b1b1a) with my deep autosomal ancestral genetic root in Sweden. I also have genetic match-connections to Baltic Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Finland (as well as North Sea Norway, England, Ireland, Scotland etc), so this fits too.

Ancestral Hominid Line - Bifurcation Event(s)

In follow-up to my previous post, the poem below is a pre-incarnate memory that I've posted before. The commentary which follows this poem is new and discusses this poem in contrast to the experiences discussed in my previous post.


from the mind inscribed before time in a dreamlike primeval existence
before my life began, at your side, I loved you
set before seeing, witnessing the violent play of creation
rising jagged with twisting thorns ascending toward there
wild and fierce the bloody storm from below, a churning pit of cold fire and coal
dripping with pain torn from earth, cutting edges
raging from a lawless horror, a terror untamed upon the earth
spreading as a plague coming near with powerful fury, iterating screams
reverberating with dysrhythm, the battering melody shattering the noise of silence
in agony melding together, into a cyclone of spiraling shrill despair
hopeless, the sound of an inky blackness, line upon line writing
a writhing scroll, twisted with affliction, death and blood everywhere
below the colorlessness of the sanctuary where I stood, immobile in the sight
testifying, not forgotten, revealing some wordless cry of terror
embedding beyond the throat, becoming chained in the belly
burning my world, descending into the hallowed depths of my heart
with no way to restrain it, its direction of attraction
toward me the knife came to cut
please see me! I am here! I cried without sound - to you as you watched it climb up
as you watched it climb up with some curious, strange fascination
not seeing me, or disregarded, either way, outside your direction of attention
as the rabid destruction erupted up the wall, and all I could do to escape the blade
becoming broken, I turned away, pulling myself in ... only to be thown away
thrown down, as a coarse grain into the only history I ever knew, and I know
what you did, throwing me down to be ripped apart, for those who would destroy me
why do you hate me - still you don't see me, you don't hear me, and you don't care
try as I might to rewrite the story, I cannot forget the truth
and some things can never be fixed

Divergence of My Ancestral Hominid Line

The memories I am referring to in the previous post (PP) are distinct from the one in this poem. The memories I am discussing in the PP do not include this particular memory. I have so many memories. The "person" in this memory as described above is not the same as the "person" in the PP set of memories. In this memory, I was not seeing the outline of my future life (as I was in the PP). In this memory, I was seeing the prehistory of life on earth and the violent conditions which existed on earth.

I think the memory in this poem is related to a divergent bifurcation in the hominid ancestral line from which I am descended:

In this poem, the "other person" and I were "part of the same body" sort of, but we were "cut apart" and separated. There was no communication between us (though I tried to communicate) and neither one of us could face the other - we were like standing stone and unable to move (the symbolism of this kind of memory should not be taken literally, as these memories pertain to premanifest forms). This "person" was removed from me forever, so I am thinking that this particular memory may represent a divergent bifurcation in my ancestral line. This memory preceded the ones I wrote of in the PP. This may also be why I felt that "some things can never be fixed," because the ancestral line (to which we both belonged at this point) bifurcated, and I went one way, and the other "person" went a separate way. Especially since in this memory I was seeing violent prehistoric events upon the earth (and since my fylgja is a mouse-like creature ancestral to all mammals), it may even be that this represents the ancestral "line divergence" between homo sapiens and another archaic human species from our common ancestor. Interestingly, this divergence which "can never be fixed" is supported by my own ancestral genetic testing results - genetic scientists claim that all non-African modern humans carry between 1-4% Neanderthal DNA in our genome. However, when I uploaded my autosomal DNA data to an analytic tool which analyzes one's Neanderthal genomic percentage, my genomic results came back with 0% Neanderthal admixture.

In the PP, the person and I were not part of the "same body" though we shared the same bubble of being. In the bubble of being, we could move and communicate. The "person" in PP is not the same as the "person" in the poem above.

Not a Modern Human - Neanderthal Bifurcation

Even though some genetic scientists have hypothesized interbreeding between Modern Humans and Neanderthals, in my mind it seems scientifically unlikely that it actually did - unless it occurred before our modern human chromosome 2 fused. Neanderthals had 24 pairs of chromosomes, while modern humans have 23 pairs of chromosomes - this fact makes it impossible for viable interbreeding to have occurred in relatively "later" prehistory. Interestingly, a fused chromosome 2 has been found in at least one of the archaic Denisova hominids -

Modern Humans & Denisovans Share a Fused Chromosome 2

According to one paper:

this (chromosome 2) fusion event took place long before modern humans arose at around 200,000 years ago. Indeed, the 800,000 years ago date for the last human - Denisovan common ancestor means that this is the most recent date possible for the fusion.

so, it may be that the archaic human species in my memory is not Neanderthal, but some other archaic species - the Denisovans perhaps, and the bifurcation marks the split from the common ancestor Modern Humans shared with the Denisovans (or even marks the fusion event split from an earlier hominid species, or even a series of splits (as the violent blooding "was climbing up (the tree of knowledge-Yggdrasil) to where I was watching) - there are many possibilities.

It is conceivable then, given that both Modern Humans and (at least some of) the Denisovans share a fused chromosome 2 that interbreeding could have occurred between Modern Humans and this particular archaic human species. There is a genetic test which checks for Denisovan genes, but I haven't been able to find an online analysis tool (which allows uploading of raw genetic data) to check that hypothesis out on myself and I haven't had the upgraded Geno 2.0 tests which checks for it either.

I am inclined to believe that the memory in the poem above is the memory of a series of splits that have occurred since the very origins of my biologic ancestral line.

But, there is even more to this story ... next post.

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Northern Tradition Experiential Soul Connections

I've written of this particular experience many times before, but in this post I will add some new descriptive and analytic commentary into the mix.

The experience (described poetically below) had nothing immediately proximal to it to do with ancestral memories or past lives. It may describe contact with my fylgja, a masculine divine psychopomp, my masculine "soul mate" (Lífþrasir) and/or a masculine kinfylgja.

Basic Description of the Experience.

A bit preceding and for time a bit after my birth, I was "accompanied by a kin-being with consciousness that can be described as a force without form. In earlier parts of my journey, he was just a voice calling me - a voice that in trying to locate it's source, and in following the sound of his voice, led me toward physical incarnation. It was a masculine voice, but I don't feel that he was my fetch. This kin-being was the force who "formed my physical form" for me to incarnate into, however (which seems somewhat fetch-like, yet ...that word just doesn't capture the fullness of his relationship to me). I'm not satisfied that this being was my fetch (fylgja). It was not "self" in the sense that I would expect the fetch to feel like. It felt more "kin-self", like a distinct part of me (as a fetch might be), yet very distinct from me - we were each unique beings of consciousness, yet at this point in my journey, we were still joined like two bubbles within one bubble of being (not literally a bubble, but this is the closest word I can think of to describe the relationship of consciousness).When I became born, my bubble was more distinctly me, while his bubble became more distinctly him apart from me - his bubble remained in the otherworld (although our singular bubbles are still even today joined by the bubble we share), and for a time, his voice could reach into my own bubble in this world, and likewise mine could reach into the otherworld into his (and thus, we could still communicate and have conversation). Also, I should mention, that we had very involved conversations for a period of time surrounding the events leading up to my birth and during early childhood - the relevance of this is that we didn't speak together in language as I learned it as a child of this world. We spoke in a pre-verbal language of pure meaning innate to the soul-being that I am - a language I didn't need to learn, it is a language perhaps directly partaking of elements innate to the soul. It almost seems that the more I learned to "talk with my tongue" and "hear with my ears", the less able I became to talk and hear through to the otherworld. I did for a very short time, talk with my tongue and hear with my hears, in conversation with him, but I feel this was gift for me that normally wasn't given, because I was being made to remember.

My Wyrd Ancestral Hamingja - Being Prepared to Receive It.

During the pre-incarnate portion of this experience, I wasn't seeing a "past life" pass before my eyes, I was seeing the general outline of my "future incarnate life" - of what was going to come and that is why I did not want to be born, I saw that my life would be very hard. Though I was seeing the general outline of my fate, the force with me was not preparing to detach anything - on the contrary, I was being prepared to receive what was being prepared for me (there is a different focus), and this force explicitly communicated that he would always be with me and instructed me to "remember!"

The Fylgja.

According to author Eoghan Odinsson,

the Hafskjold Stav tradition considers the Fylgya to be like an animal spirit guide. 

Tradition further teaches that the fylgja may be "the conduit through which we speak to the gods" - like the point of interface which brings the person and the deity together (like - hello, this is the operator, I have a call for you, please stay on the line).

Additionally, this force stayed near to my in consciousness well into childhood - and though I could not "turn around" in incarnated consciousness and leave the sphere of this world as child like I could as a newborn baby before becoming solidified into my body to speak with the force, I could call upon and speak to the force in the sphere of this world. I could easily hear his voice even though I could not "see" him as before becoming solidly incarnated.

The Shamanic Psychopomp & the Tree of Knowledge.

Unlike a fylgja, importantly, when I was 5 or 6 years old, this force returned more directly and took me consciously in spirit (awake, not a dream!) on a journey throughout the worlds to the very edges of All that is - passing many noisy planets, cosmic systems and through vast stretches of the cosmos to its very end. During this journey I was shown everything and was able to comprehend how the deepest mysteries all fit together perfectly - all questions evaporated, complete knowledge was the very essence of my being. This experience is not the fylgja. It is Odin (or a similar divine masculine shamanic psychopomp like Heimdallr*, for example) who is with me, even now. In the poems below describing my childhood experience, I do think it may have been my fylgja who caught my attention "for Odin" through the mouse in the mousetrap (as the Fylgja is also the conduit through which we speak to the gods), but beyond that point with the mouse, it wasn't.

These are two poems (Suddenly and Epiphany) I wrote a long time ago to describe that experience:


hey you, what are you looking at
the mouse seemed to say silently, to me one day
hidden in the closet, coming close to see
where land meets sea, isolating some field of awareness
distracting the mind toward some special duty
hey you, what did you say
you talkin' to me?

hey you, what do you hear
the mouse seemed to say silently, to me one day
hidden in the closet, coming close to hear
wandering around this anomaly of conversation, suddenly plucked up
toward the task at hand, wiping off all others
hey you, do you hear what I hear
who goes there, talkin' to me


when I was six and
something happened, in my closet
finding a mouse, dead
in the closet
not afraid of mice, beginning to pick it up, stopped by
its eyes, open
I could not stop looking
I could not stop wondering
at it
it meant something more
beyond what I was
this mouse

looking at me

what what what what
listening I
could not move
I could not move
becoming being
mashing together, collapsing into my gut
a silence
cutting the bursting emptiness, when
eternity into a split mo-ment
a rush of
a whirlwind
bursting full
more than I could
ever understanding at once
coming out through my insides
surrounding filling
in the closet
to hold this treasured possession
in my mind of edges
yet then
trusting and letting go
these going out
such a strange thing was this doing
I was doing
turning inside out
becoming being within
of infinite place
above without end and below without bound

Line of Attachment.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to my body when nothing much of me at all was in it during this experience, even though I did remain attached to it through some kind of very thin structure which I used to contract myself upon and slide back down into my body when returning from the journey.

The Oath.

Oddly, it took a little time to come fully down, and didn't complete until after I got up, left the closet, and was standing in my bedroom. In my bedroom, my conversation with my companion on the journey continued for awhile, but after this experience, I never heard his voice again like I had been able to all through childhood. But during this conversation, he did tell me he was holding (in safekeeping) the knowledge for me (as the knowledge would not fit into my biological mind at that point) for use at some "appointed time" in the telling of my story. I was promised it would be mine again - it belongs to me, it has my name on it. But, in oath he is holding for me like keeping it in a trust fund until the appointed "time" arrives.

My Ancestor - The First (Mousey) Mammal. 
This is an interesting "ancestral connection" to "the mouse." According to this documentary (Life After The Dinosaurs), the very first mammal species to arise after dinosaurs became extinct, (and) which is ancestral to all mammals living today including humans, was that of a tiny mouse-like mammal:

Not an egregore.

I'm not an expert regarding an egregore, so I'm not sure what it really is other than a collective thought-form made manifest. With this understanding in mind, my experience was not contact with an egregore. No humanoid form of any kind was associated with this being during this experience (or has ever been in my experience). It was humanoid only in the sense that he was "a he" in the same way I am "a she". We were both made of the same "stuff." A thought-form lacks the complexity of being that characterizes "the stuff" human beings are made of. Neither did I experience an "astral vision." My experience was one of action, not mere sight. My complete consciousness left my body and was pulled up into the very heart of the Cosmos by the familiar masculine "personality" known to me from before I was born and who had been experientially "with me" all through early childhood. This being had independent will and was spiritually cohesive similar to that of a "person." I'm not a psychologist, but I imagine that an egregore, being the thoughtform construct of a collective would be a bit on the incohesive side (given the multiplicity and diversity of the people who construct the thoughtform) and not as psychologically cohesive as an entity existing as a being in its own right.

Cycles of Ragnarok - The Connections.

This little bit of lore could also fit my experience in an esoteric sense, so perhaps I need to study the deeper significance of the Ragnarok mythos:
The Odin Brotherhood: According to the legends, one man and one woman will escape the holocaust of Surt by taking refuge in "The-World-Tree-of-Knowledge."
The fact that the mouse in my experience can link to the rising up of the common ancestor of all mammals (after the extinction of the dinosaurs) is wyrdly congruent with the concept of Ragnarok as well, as both the extinction of the dinosaurs and Ragnarok mark grand turnings of the cycle of evolution - the end of one era and the beginning of a new one.

*UPDATE -  Old Norse Heimdallr, equivalent to heim(r) home, world + dallr, perhaps cognate with Old English deall bold, renowned. - Reminds me of the bit from the old Star Trek series:

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no (wo)man has gone before.

Dare to be true to yourself.