In follow-up to my previous post, the poem below is a pre-incarnate memory that I've posted before. The commentary which follows this poem is new and discusses this poem in contrast to the experiences discussed in my previous post.
from the mind inscribed before time in a dreamlike primeval existence
before my life began, at your side, I loved you
set before seeing, witnessing the violent play of creation
rising jagged with twisting thorns ascending toward there
wild and fierce the bloody storm from below, a churning pit of cold fire and coal
dripping with pain torn from earth, cutting edges
raging from a lawless horror, a terror untamed upon the earth
spreading as a plague coming near with powerful fury, iterating screams
reverberating with dysrhythm, the battering melody shattering the noise of silence
in agony melding together, into a cyclone of spiraling shrill despair
hopeless, the sound of an inky blackness, line upon line writing
a writhing scroll, twisted with affliction, death and blood everywhere
below the colorlessness of the sanctuary where I stood, immobile in the sight
testifying, not forgotten, revealing some wordless cry of terror
embedding beyond the throat, becoming chained in the belly
burning my world, descending into the hallowed depths of my heart
with no way to restrain it, its direction of attraction
toward me the knife came to cut
please see me! I am here! I cried without sound - to you as you watched it climb up
as you watched it climb up with some curious, strange fascination
not seeing me, or disregarded, either way, outside your direction of attention
as the rabid destruction erupted up the wall, and all I could do to escape the blade
becoming broken, I turned away, pulling myself in ... only to be thown away
thrown down, as a coarse grain into the only history I ever knew, and I know
what you did, throwing me down to be ripped apart, for those who would destroy me
why do you hate me - still you don't see me, you don't hear me, and you don't care
try as I might to rewrite the story, I cannot forget the truth
and some things can never be fixed
Divergence of My Ancestral Hominid Line
The memories I am referring to in the previous post (PP) are distinct from the one in this poem. The memories I am discussing in the PP do not include this particular memory. I have so many memories. The "person" in this memory as described above is not the same as the "person" in the PP set of memories. In this memory, I was not seeing the outline of my future life (as I was in the PP). In this memory, I was seeing the prehistory of life on earth and the violent conditions which existed on earth.
I think the memory in this poem is related to a divergent bifurcation in the hominid ancestral line from which I am descended:
In this poem, the "other person" and I were "part of the same body" sort of, but we were "cut apart" and separated. There was no communication between us (though I tried to communicate) and neither one of us could face the other - we were like standing stone and unable to move (the symbolism of this kind of memory should not be taken literally, as these memories pertain to premanifest forms). This "person" was removed from me forever, so I am thinking that this particular memory may represent a divergent bifurcation in my ancestral line. This memory preceded the ones I wrote of in the PP. This may also be why I felt that "some things can never be fixed," because the ancestral line (to which we both belonged at this point) bifurcated, and I went one way, and the other "person" went a separate way. Especially since in this memory I was seeing violent prehistoric events upon the earth (and since my fylgja is a mouse-like creature ancestral to all mammals), it may even be that this represents the ancestral "line divergence" between homo sapiens and another archaic human species from our common ancestor. Interestingly, this divergence which "can never be fixed" is supported by my own ancestral genetic testing results - genetic scientists claim that all non-African modern humans carry between 1-4% Neanderthal DNA in our genome. However, when I uploaded my autosomal DNA data to an analytic tool which analyzes one's Neanderthal genomic percentage, my genomic results came back with 0% Neanderthal admixture.
In the PP, the person and I were not part of the "same body" though we shared the same bubble of being. In the bubble of being, we could move and communicate. The "person" in PP is not the same as the "person" in the poem above.
Not a Modern Human - Neanderthal Bifurcation
Even though some genetic scientists have hypothesized interbreeding between Modern Humans and Neanderthals, in my mind it seems scientifically unlikely that it actually did - unless it occurred before our modern human chromosome 2 fused. Neanderthals had 24 pairs of chromosomes, while modern humans have 23 pairs of chromosomes - this fact makes it impossible for viable interbreeding to have occurred in relatively "later" prehistory. Interestingly, a fused chromosome 2 has been found in at least one of the archaic Denisova hominids - http://johnhawks.net/weblog/reviews/neandertal_dna
Modern Humans & Denisovans Share a Fused Chromosome 2
According to one paper:
this (chromosome 2) fusion event took place long before modern humans arose at around 200,000 years ago. Indeed, the 800,000 years ago date for the last human - Denisovan common ancestor means that this is the most recent date possible for the fusion.
so, it may be that the archaic human species in my memory is not Neanderthal, but some other archaic species - the Denisovans perhaps, and the bifurcation marks the split from the common ancestor Modern Humans shared with the Denisovans (or even marks the fusion event split from an earlier hominid species, or even a series of splits (as the violent blooding "was climbing up (the tree of knowledge-Yggdrasil) to where I was watching) - there are many possibilities.
It is conceivable then, given that both Modern Humans and (at least some of) the Denisovans share a fused chromosome 2 that interbreeding could have occurred between Modern Humans and this particular archaic human species. There is a genetic test which checks for Denisovan genes, but I haven't been able to find an online analysis tool (which allows uploading of raw genetic data) to check that hypothesis out on myself and I haven't had the upgraded Geno 2.0 tests which checks for it either.
I am inclined to believe that the memory in the poem above is the memory of a series of splits that have occurred since the very origins of my biologic ancestral line.
But, there is even more to this story ... next post.