Monday, November 13, 2006


I dreamt.

I was by an old friend ידיד. Like in a previous dream with my cousin Susan's house, the name's meaning is significant. The friend's name was Dar-yl [1] K-night [2]. I've had dreams over the years with this name in it. My friend was closely attached to me. We were like two peas in a pod.

Yet, I was drawn away by school. My friend was sad, devastated in fact.

There was a school [3] laboratory [3] with 2 Hasidic guys in it among the students. Class was over. I got onto a school bus to go home. My seat [3] was on the left side of the aisle, a few rows [3] from the front.

Oddly, I wasn't wearing any shirt and my chest was naked. Eek! Somehow, though this was embarrassing for me, I had the feeling that this wasn't an unusual circumstance for women "in my place". It was "expected". Nevertheless, I hadn't come to school like that. I wasn't sure why I had no shirt upon leaving school. I crossed my arms over my chest trying to cover myself.

The two Hasidic guys from the class were on my bus [3]. One sat a few seats behind me and the other one sat nearer the back. They kept looking at me. I was embarrassed.

The bus came to a stop to let off another woman. As she was getting off the bus, the one Hasidic guy sitting near the back accompanied her to the exit to say goodbye, but he kept glancing at me. I knew they had a date at some point. She was "acceptable" to the community, while I was not. She "towed the line", while I did not. So, he had asked her for a date, even though he kept looking at me - as did the other guy only a few seats behind.

But, I had no shirt on. Sheesh! I didn't know how that had happened. I was awfully embarrassed. Suddenly, my friend was in the seat next to me. He had brought to me my little travel case with a dark pink [3] shirt and red vest in it. I put them on.

Now, I was dressed and felt much better. Thank G-d for my friend, who was rather secular. He saved me from those in whose eyes I was naked. I was so grateful for my friend who didn't see me as naked, who provided me with the shirt and vest.

The bus came to my stop. I got off the bus at my place unembarrassed wearing the dark pink shirt and red vest my friend had provided for me. Now, the two other guys wanted to date me, as I looked stunning in the clothes my friend had brought to me, making me acceptable to "the community". Ha! Like hell, I thought.

After I got off the school bus, my mother took me shopping in a 2-story department store. She bought me a exquisite sash-belt for my birthday. It was a very pale-ivory (Shir Hashirim 7:5) color basically, with threads of many colors running through it. There were two particularly thick and sparkling threads running the sash-belt as well - gold and silver. I could wear it now, the store clerk told us, as my mother was paying for it. When the sash-belt wrapped and tied, the ends fell like long flowing silk scarves clear to the floor like a skirt. It was such an exquisitely crafted sash-belt. Unique and one-of-a-kind. Wow! No one else had a sash-belt as beautiful and as magical as mine.

On the lower floor, while paying for the belt, an inside wall [3] in a hall of the upper floor fell down. The wall which fell down opened up an area of the upper floor into the atrium-like lower room where my mother and I were located.

I thought about my friend. Where, oh where, is my friend - who liked ME, the most essential me, no matter what I wore or didn't wear. The one who was devastated when I left for school. The one who nevertheless came onto the schoobus to save me from being "seen as naked" by everyone - a situation caused by those two Hasidic guys who "saw" me that way. I wanted to show him, my friend, my mystically magical sash-belt.

My friend, where are you?


[1] Dar refers two stones of memory; to Binah-Socharet, upper dar and to the Shechinah-Dar, lower dar (Sha'are Orah, R' Yosef Gikatilla, p. 163-164).

[2] Night refers to "nature", yet the name begins with a letter kaf כ, the power to actualize one's potential.

[3] repeating dream detail

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