Bat Ayin, Chozeret B'Teshuvah

כ"ח בתמוז תשס"ז

Today, the shabbat containing the lifeforce of Tammuz moving with messianic consciousness, is my father's 70th birthday. Seventy is the gematria of the Hebrew letter ayin (ע).

R' Yitzchak Ginsburgh teaches regarding ayin:

The Ba'al Shem Tov teaches us that whenever the Hebrew word ein (spelled: alef, yud, nun), whose literal meaning is "no," appears in the Torah text, by changing its vowels to read ayin, the implied negation becomes transformed into a positive assertion. Ayin means "nothing," referring in Kabbalah to the Divine nothing from which all reality -- something -- is continuously recreated. The consciousness of ayin is identified by the Ba'al Shem Tov to be the source of the Jewish soul (based upon the rabbinic phrase, ein mazal l'yisrael, "Israel is under no astrological sign," which he reads ayin mazal l'yisrael, "the Divine nothing is the soul-source of Israel").

The Eleven Incense Spices

י"ז בניסן תשס"ז

In response to my friend's request for more information on the eleven Temple incense spices, an excerpt (pages 85-86) from R' Aryeh Kaplan's Inner Space:

All evil comes from the universe of Tohu (chaos), which existed before the creation of the Partzufim (archetypal personas). It was at this stage, while the Sefirot (10 primary emanations of the Divine) existed as simple points, that the shattering of the vessels occurred. The purpose of the shattering was to allow free will to exist. Without a realm of evil it would be impossible to choose between good and evil.

In discussing the death of the Kings of Edom (the 7 Malchuyot-Kingdoms of the 7 "immanent" Sefirot), we pointed out that the shattering of the vessels began with the quasi Sefirah Da'at (knowledge). The first 3 Sefirot, Keter (Crown), Chochmah (Wisdom) and Binah (Understanding), did not shatter because they fulfilled their primary function to a certain extent. Because they were able to cooperate with each other in bringing the lower Sefirot to a stage of independent existence, they were merely reduced. The eight Sefirot from Da'at to Malchut, however, did not fulfill their primary functions. As a result, they were overwhelmed and shattered.

It is significant to note that this is the only time that eleven Sefirot are mentioned as constituting one unit. It is only in the universe of Tohu that Keter-Crown and Da'at-Knowledge are both present simultaneously. As we have explained, this leads to the paradoxical situation where God's knowledge of the future (Da'at) constrains His free will (Keter).

In order to rectify this and allow for the possibility of free choice, God must constrict and withdraw His Da'at-Knowledge from creation. This is accomplished by shattering the vessels from Da'at to Malchut. As a result of their descent into Beriyah (the universe of Creation), the possibility of evil, and hence free choice, is brought into existence.

In elucidating this point, the Ari (an esteemed Jewish kabbalist of history) identifies these eleven Sefirot of Tohu with the eleven incense spices of the Torah (Bible, Exodus 30:34). The incense consisted of ten spices or perfumes with good fragrances, and an eleventh spice, galbanum (chelbaneh, in Hebrew) with a vile odor. These spices were each ground separately and then blended together to be used in the Temple. Since these eleven spices (used in the Temple incense) parallel the eleven Sefirot of the universe of Tohu, they are therefore said to represent the complete rectification of evil. This is indicated by the addition of the eleventh spice, galbanum, which alludes to the elevation of evil back into the realm of the Holy.

The Talmud teaches that Moses was taught the mystery of the incense by the Angel of Death. It is for this reason that when a plague broke out among the Israelites in the wilderness Moses ordered Aaron to walk through the camp with the incense. This is the concept that the eleven incense perfumes have the power to overcome death and evil.

Following the idea of the ten fragrant spices and the single unpleasant one, the Talmud states: "every fast that does not include sinners of Israel (likewise any religious or spiritual community, for that matter) is not a fast." This is derived from the fact that the incense included galbanum. Just as galbanum was necessary to give the other spices exactly the right fragrance, a congregation is not complete without someone who has also fallen and who must reelevate him/herself through teshuvah (repentence, return to Holiness). In particular, when a difficult punishment has been decreed against Israel (or any religious-spiritual congregation) because of some evil deed, this very evil must be taken and elevated. Thus, the idea of transforming evil by elevating it back to its source in Holiness is intimated by the incense. It is for this reason that a (congregational ritual) fast must include "the sinners of Israel" (and likewise for any other biblically-based religious-spiritual congregation).

Utter Falsehood

כ"ח בשבט תשס"ז

Nava at Mystical Paths writes:

It is your choice – but look at the choice that is before you. If you strive to live in accordance with your Yetzer Tov – Chaim – Life. And if you permit your Yetzer HaRa to dominate – Mavet – Death. And there is the difference, right before your eyes: living the life of Torah requires effort. Living a life without Torah requires… nothing. Do Teshuva, collect Mitzvot, chesed, break your will...

First of all, a person isn't supposed to "break" his or her will, he or she is supposed to fix it. The only use for a broken will or mind is to be used by other people with ill will. Even a casual observation of human nature suggests that most people already have "broken" wills.

Second, the whole point of mastering one's yetzer hara is not to "dominate" one's yetzer hara via one's yetzer hatov, but to transform and elevate the yetzer hara to holiness, and then to integrate the yetzerim into a united yetzer of singular Divine purpose.

Third, the statement - "living a life without Torah requires … nothing" - is an utter falsehood which invalidates the sacred humanity of all nonJews. Torah lists at least 7 universal Noahide laws REQUIRED of all people, Jews and nonJews alike. That, in itself, demonstrates the untruth of Nava's statement.

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Chozeret B'Teshuvah

את comes to add:

I had an odd dream. In it, I was given an Israeli-Jewish identity card on which I was "identified" temporarily (in the dream, since I am unmarried) as a חוזרי. In the dream, I knew that the word reflecting my "identity status" would change upon becoming married. My dream was very specific - the word was spelled חוזרי (I saw the letters within my dream) plus another hidden letter [1a] which I can't articulate now that I'm awake (although I can still perceive its presence hovering, touching yet not touching the mind).

There were no written vowels with the letters (like a Torah scroll, signifying kedushah) on the card, just the letters of the word. The word was located in the middle "identity" section of the card, in the top line between two other words (each in its appropriate respective "section"). Attention "drilled down" to focus on this word/card within the context of a larger dream, most of which I've now forgotten. Yet, like fire on fire, I received this word and these letters as Moshe Rabbeinu received the Torah on Har Sinai - like a Torah written without vowels.

I feel I had this dream partly in response to the thread on a Jewish forum I participate in, which presented the question "what do you consider yourself to be, based on what"? I've always thought myself to be a ba'alat teshuvah, but the word in my dream was חוזרי, plus a hidden letter of some implicate order (of the esoteric or unrevealed world). The revealed word and letters (like fish) were brought forth (explicated) from the hidden realms of being into my dream - to answer the question as to "what I am" presently.

I asked, following the dream:

1. What is the nuance/distinction of meaning between a "chozer" and a "ba'al teshuvah"?

2. When I looked up the word in the dictionary this afternoon, I found that the word chozer means penitent [2]. So, what is the exact meaning of the revealed word as it is spelled in the dream?

3. Like ba'alat teshuvah is to ba'al teshuvah, is there a feminine grammatical form of a female "chozer", and if so, what is it?

A forum poster responded that the word חוזרי meant "my piggy". But the word חוזרי, as spelled in my dream, didn't (it had a positive connotation in the dream) and doesn't mean that (I looked it up). Chazir means pig [2]. Chozer means penitent.

pig is spelled חזיר
my pig would be חזירי

penitent is spelled חוזר
my penitent would be חוזרי

The two words are opposites: chozer (chozer-i, or "I return") means the opposite of my pig ... based on this somewhat nonlinear, yet nevertheless clear, logic:

It is not an uncommon thing in hebrew for words with similar letters to have opposite meanings [3] based upon vowel articulations and letter permutations/anomalies - like the roots [4]:

גוד with a vav means to connect, while
גדה with a hey means to divide

Even a vav (ו) itself can mean to connect or to divide, depending on whether it is a vav hachibur (connective) or a vav hahipuch (conversive or transformative). The vav hahipuch can not only invert tenses, it can invert meanings [1b].

The root חוז implies development toward a goal [4], while the root חזר means development is arrested [4].

תא a cell of the Temple:

In reverse order (as befits the vav hahipuch which converts the word chazir into the word chozer, thereby transforming the meaning from one of arrested development to one of progressing development):

3. Chozeret (חוזרת) is the feminine form of the word chozer. A woman making aliyah, for example, would be a chozeret b'teshuvah. Significantly, the root of chozeret has a vav (ו), which can be either connective or dividing, while the root of pig lacks this ability to truly choose (bechirah) between connection and division. In other words, the "pig" person is controlled by mazal (fate), while the chozeret is a Jewish person of destiny (who transcends mazal and can influence reality in a cosmic way). Thus, chozeret is a woman with bechirah, a beit habechirah (בית הבחירה), and a house chosen by Hashem.

2. The word chozer implies one is returning [5], making teshuvah and going up (making aliyah, both literally and esoterically). In other words, it implies someone actively on the path of spiritual development and ascent of consciousness. Chozer/chozeret (like aur chozer) implies returning to the source (in the "development" process of teshuvah, for example); and thus, chozer/chozeret implies development toward a goal. Given these implications, chozer/chozeret can be seen to be a word derived from the חוז root, where a reish (ר), the letter of clarification and clarity, has been added to the root (חוז) to form the word, chozer. Thus, chozer means חוז-ר, the development of clarity.

1. The concept of "aur chozer" pertains to the returning light of the eishet chayil as described in kabbalah regarding the letter zayin (ז). Sarai/Sarah epitomizes this returning light. Sarai was a woman whose name originally had a yod (י) ending, until Hashem split the yod (like the yam suf was split) and gave one of her letters hey (ה) to Avram (Avraham). The letter hey (ה) ("added" to both Sarai's and Avram's names) pertains to the process of teshuvah (tashuv hey). Consequently, we can see that the letters hey from Sarai are the force which drives the process of teshuvah for both the female and male soulmates.

Tradition teaches that the time will come (during the messianic era) when the feminine will have greater access to transcendental consciousness than the masculine; and in that time, she will bestow and man will receive from her [6]. Clearly, in this case, woman is bestowing the influence toward teshuvah upon man. Clearly, that time is now as the yod (י) expresses-to-bestow-understanding (הה) - in other words, as the yod (י) at the end of the word (חוזרי) in my dream unfolds (ה) into this dvar Torah (ה).

In the dream, the word chozer on my "identity card" was linked to the idea of being unmarried. I knew that my "identity status" would change upon becoming married. The word (בעל/בעלת) ba'al/ba'alat is from a root (בעל) spelled like the word itself. Interestingly, this word (בעל), in addition to meaning master (as in master of teshuvah, בעל תשובה) implies being married, marrying and having a husband [4].

טפסרט transforming darkness to light:

My dream (chalom) occurred subsequent to a question posted on a forum thread. A dream can be an answer to a dream question, a she'elot chalom, posed while awake. The question was asked "what do you consider yourself to be?" My dream told me more specifically what I am, as opposed to what I've merely considered myself to be. I've considered myself to be a ba'alat teshuvah (and I am indeed, at one level of understanding). My dream clarified more precisely that I am also a chozeret b'teshuvah.

I hadn't even heard of the phrase chozeret b'teshuvah or the word chozer(et) before today (especially in connection with the idea of being a religious returnee). Moreover, "chozer" wasn't something I was thinking about, and therefore dreamt about it. It came to me from a place "deeper" than thought. It came from at least the level of will (ratzon in keter, which precedes thought, machshavah in malchut).

At the level of thought (with choach mah, chashuv mah), I thought I was a ba'alat teshuvah.

At the level of will, I am truly a chozeret b'teshuvah, and now I know it (keter + 2 levels of daat) and think it too (chochmah, malchut).

אתתא טפסרט evolving woman and providing a light to man

References and Footnotes:

[1] The Wisdom In The Hebrew Alphabet, R. Michael L. Munk;

(1a) on the 4-headed shin: "The divine 4-headed shin, which comes into existence only because it is framed by the exterior walls, alludes to the ways of Hashem which are concealed, incapable of perception by the limited human mind."

(1b) on the vav: transforming anguish to joy, and vice versa

[2] The New Bantam-Meggido Hebrew & English Dictionary

[3] Letters of Fire, R. Matityahu Glazerson. Other examples of words changing and inverting meaning through letter manipulations include (דוה/הוד) davah/hod - exile/the Holy Temple; (חרם/רחם) destruction/mercy; (חמה/חומה) chemah/chomah - wrath/a protecting wall.

[4] Etymological Dictionary Of Biblical Hebrew, R. Matityahu Clark

[5] http://www.hashkafah.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=21820&view=findpost&p=477588:

(5a) to go around (searching). Koh. R. to VII, 8 hu chozeir 'alyah he searches it again (tries to recover his scholarship): ib. yakhol hu lakhazor 'alyah he may recover it a. e.; v. infra

(5b) to turn around, return; to; retract, repent. Ib. chazor b'kha come back (repent)! Eduy. V. 65 chazor c'kha withdraw thy opposition.--DemIV, 1 chazrah l'makomah came back to its place (was mixed up again). Maas. Sh. I, 5 yechz'ru damim v'khulu the money shall return to its former condition, i.e. the sale is annulled, and the money has again its sacred character. Ker. 8a nachzor 'al hareishonot let us go back to what was said first. Sabb. 188b; Arakh. 15b mimi...v'chazarti lacharei I enver said a word (about a fellowman) on which I went back (when confronted with him). Kidd. 59a v'chazrah bah and she reconsiders (her consent to be married); chozeret she may do so; Gitt. 32b Ib. chozer magreish bo dare he use the same letter of divorce again (after he has revoked it)? Ter. IV, 3 Chazar v'hosif then again he added., Gitt. Vi, 5 Chazru lomeir then again they said (added); a. v. fr.

[6] R. Schneur Zalman of Liadi, Tefilat LeKhal HaShana, pp. 138-139.

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M'Kabtziel

1994

Not asleep, not awake, yet fully aware. Unable to move, unable to breathe, yet my eyes fully open and able to see. I saw something at the foot of my bed. It was not good. It was not bad. It was neutral, even as it evoked the thought of the Angel of Death in my mind. It reached out to touch my right ankle. I was terrified. Yet, You love me is all I could think against the terror. Energy, like an invisible electrical jolt came from within to without my whole body, and the figure withdrew its hand. I could hear the wind blowing and soft claps of thunder outside. The figure just stood there at the foot of my bed as if waiting. It then reached out again to touch my right ankle. The energy jolt also happened again, much stronger than the first one had been. I was more amazed by the force of the energy coming out through me than I was frightened of the figure. Concurrent with the second energy jolt, the wind howled and shook the house and the thunder boomed as if right outside my window. The figure withdrew its hand and disappeared. As soon as it disappeared, my paralysis was broken. I jumped up out of bed, partly from pushing against released resistance, and partly just to move my body and regroup my senses. I went to my window. The night was clear, still and quiet. Stars dotted the sky. I realized that the life I had planned was probably not going to be the life I was going to get.

The one over death loves me. Shir HaShirim 1:3

Sod HaIbbur

Nephilim, the fallen ones, in my experience, refers to projection of the higher soul levels (neshamah, chayah and yechidah) of atzilut/adam kadmon through the worlds of creation and formation (beriyah and yetzirah), and attaching to actions of the physical body in the world of assiyah. Though originating beyond the limitations of time and space, for me as a creature of time and space, I experienced this ibbur-phenomenon of the soul in 1994, the same year the cat's eye nebula was discovered. Twelve years ago this year (2006/5766). It was this experience which revealed to me that I was of "Jewish" ancestry. From a higher soul level, I observed from a place surrounding beyond the heavens, dark and completely peaceful - a place where many are one. Amidst an oversoul in which I was not alone. From the vantage point of the selection, I observed and gathered inward together, projecting a "line" doing it - the line a contraction coming down through time, heavens and galaxies. It became attached to the earth "between" the aspects of existence called David and Solomon. The "place" between David and Solomon is the Beit HaMikdash, which is also the place of the akeidah of the binding of Yitzchak (Mishneh Torah, Laws Of The Holy Temple 2:1-2). The "heart in between" represents the Holy of Holies, which is the heart of the Beit HaMikdash. Here, in the merit of the akeidah, true prophecy is established (Maimonides, Guide For The Perplexed, part 3, chapter 24). Lastly, nephilim are rectifying influences from the world of wholeness (atzilut/adam kadmon) and unity (echad of ein sof). Nephilim are not "fallen angels". Fallen angels, even good angels, are energy-intelligence-complexes of the fractured worlds (beriyah, yetzirah and assiayh). Nephilim are also "eyes" through which HaShem "swoops down" riding the soul, sees and assays the conditions of the world.

restore our judges as in days of old and our counselors as in former times ...
The Amidah, Devarim 16:18

Soul Of The Bat Kohen

On 11 Adar-1 5757, I formally returned to Torah with a mikveh immersion, and under the supervision of a Beit Din. During the reception ceremony following the immersion, I was blessed by the supervising Rabbi, a kohen, with the birkat kohanim (priestly blessing) concurrent with the laying on of hands upon my head (the posture of semichah). As the birkat kohanim is the third principle of hashra'ah (the immersive creative force of the Shechinah), clearly it took (as evidenced by the eruption of spiritual creativity since that time and documented, in part, by my website), unfolded, became enclothed (hitlavshut), evolved (hishtalshelut) and continues to evolve. Indeed, this testifies that I am indeed a true bat kohen - that my particular soul is of the supernal soul (supernal chesed) through which the creative blessing ably and truly erupts into manifest reality (asiyatic chesed).

Importantly, still carrying today the unblemished memory of my soul's origin, taken together with and supported by Niddah 30b (particularly the statement if thou keepest it in purity, it is well, otherwise it is taken from thee) testifies that my particular chesedic soul is of pure atzilutic origin kept pure (otherwise, I would have forgotten from whence I came). It further testifies that I am truly a ba'alat teshuvah returning to Torah (having learned Torah in the womb, as each soul of Israel does), as opposed to being a convert. In other words, I was born with this soul (consistent with my family tree as I later discovered; that in my case, it was passed to me matrilineally through my mother's mother's mother).

The birkat kohanim, a blessing of bestowal and infusion of the creative energy of the Shechinah, awakened and released my inborn potential to express it (the blessing and the curse of the bat kohen as described in Gemara Peshachim) in a powerful way (via the mystery of semichah). In my case, the first expressions birthed were surely chaotic, yet blooming from them comes evidenceof true mesirut nefesh - a physical birth in ignorance of my "Jewishness" in fulfillment of the divine will. In mastering the chaos of those first expressions, and through developing my website, comes keter shem tov, the crown of a good name - Akvah (see below). Moreover, that this all came about through an act of semichah (necessarily the act of a kohen tzedek, Sukah 52b) testifies that the Rabbi and I are nirtzah, even then, and that our deeds and prayers are acceptable to Hashem (Likutey Moharan 1).

Accepted favorably by Hashem, may the complete and final redemption speedily also come, in our day.

The bat kohen is also represented in manifest reality as Bat Sheva (described in Torah as tovat, by the letter tet), whose hidden reality is rooted in the divine name, Akvah, associated with the right side of da'at and with the priestly function to connect heaven and earth. This function is performed through the power to bear opposites with the aleph, which unites (a function of tet) the shin of this world with the shin of both the coming world and of the future to come with truth (emet, with a reduced value gematria of 9, bringing clarity into focus with 9 blasts of the shofar).

Lishmoa kol shofar v'emet.

This is the missing truth in the fishy story of Sefer Yonah (Yonah 4:2). The truth "missing" in Yonah 4:2 and revealed now is necessary for redemption (Shemot 34:6) of the yetzer hara (as opposed to mercifully abrogating judgment every year) and its transformation into the shepherd of complete and final redemption.

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