Chozeret B'Teshuvah

את comes to add:

I had an odd dream. In it, I was given an Israeli-Jewish identity card on which I was "identified" temporarily (in the dream, since I am unmarried) as a חוזרי. In the dream, I knew that the word reflecting my "identity status" would change upon becoming married. My dream was very specific - the word was spelled חוזרי (I saw the letters within my dream) plus another hidden letter [1a] which I can't articulate now that I'm awake (although I can still perceive its presence hovering, touching yet not touching the mind).

There were no written vowels with the letters (like a Torah scroll, signifying kedushah) on the card, just the letters of the word. The word was located in the middle "identity" section of the card, in the top line between two other words (each in its appropriate respective "section"). Attention "drilled down" to focus on this word/card within the context of a larger dream, most of which I've now forgotten. Yet, like fire on fire, I received this word and these letters as Moshe Rabbeinu received the Torah on Har Sinai - like a Torah written without vowels.

I feel I had this dream partly in response to the thread on a Jewish forum I participate in, which presented the question "what do you consider yourself to be, based on what"? I've always thought myself to be a ba'alat teshuvah, but the word in my dream was חוזרי, plus a hidden letter of some implicate order (of the esoteric or unrevealed world). The revealed word and letters (like fish) were brought forth (explicated) from the hidden realms of being into my dream - to answer the question as to "what I am" presently.

I asked, following the dream:

1. What is the nuance/distinction of meaning between a "chozer" and a "ba'al teshuvah"?

2. When I looked up the word in the dictionary this afternoon, I found that the word chozer means penitent [2]. So, what is the exact meaning of the revealed word as it is spelled in the dream?

3. Like ba'alat teshuvah is to ba'al teshuvah, is there a feminine grammatical form of a female "chozer", and if so, what is it?

A forum poster responded that the word חוזרי meant "my piggy". But the word חוזרי, as spelled in my dream, didn't (it had a positive connotation in the dream) and doesn't mean that (I looked it up). Chazir means pig [2]. Chozer means penitent.

pig is spelled חזיר
my pig would be חזירי

penitent is spelled חוזר
my penitent would be חוזרי

The two words are opposites: chozer (chozer-i, or "I return") means the opposite of my pig ... based on this somewhat nonlinear, yet nevertheless clear, logic:

It is not an uncommon thing in hebrew for words with similar letters to have opposite meanings [3] based upon vowel articulations and letter permutations/anomalies - like the roots [4]:

גוד with a vav means to connect, while
גדה with a hey means to divide

Even a vav (ו) itself can mean to connect or to divide, depending on whether it is a vav hachibur (connective) or a vav hahipuch (conversive or transformative). The vav hahipuch can not only invert tenses, it can invert meanings [1b].

The root חוז implies development toward a goal [4], while the root חזר means development is arrested [4].

תא a cell of the Temple:

In reverse order (as befits the vav hahipuch which converts the word chazir into the word chozer, thereby transforming the meaning from one of arrested development to one of progressing development):

3. Chozeret (חוזרת) is the feminine form of the word chozer. A woman making aliyah, for example, would be a chozeret b'teshuvah. Significantly, the root of chozeret has a vav (ו), which can be either connective or dividing, while the root of pig lacks this ability to truly choose (bechirah) between connection and division. In other words, the "pig" person is controlled by mazal (fate), while the chozeret is a Jewish person of destiny (who transcends mazal and can influence reality in a cosmic way). Thus, chozeret is a woman with bechirah, a beit habechirah (בית הבחירה), and a house chosen by Hashem.

2. The word chozer implies one is returning [5], making teshuvah and going up (making aliyah, both literally and esoterically). In other words, it implies someone actively on the path of spiritual development and ascent of consciousness. Chozer/chozeret (like aur chozer) implies returning to the source (in the "development" process of teshuvah, for example); and thus, chozer/chozeret implies development toward a goal. Given these implications, chozer/chozeret can be seen to be a word derived from the חוז root, where a reish (ר), the letter of clarification and clarity, has been added to the root (חוז) to form the word, chozer. Thus, chozer means חוז-ר, the development of clarity.

1. The concept of "aur chozer" pertains to the returning light of the eishet chayil as described in kabbalah regarding the letter zayin (ז). Sarai/Sarah epitomizes this returning light. Sarai was a woman whose name originally had a yod (י) ending, until Hashem split the yod (like the yam suf was split) and gave one of her letters hey (ה) to Avram (Avraham). The letter hey (ה) ("added" to both Sarai's and Avram's names) pertains to the process of teshuvah (tashuv hey). Consequently, we can see that the letters hey from Sarai are the force which drives the process of teshuvah for both the female and male soulmates.

Tradition teaches that the time will come (during the messianic era) when the feminine will have greater access to transcendental consciousness than the masculine; and in that time, she will bestow and man will receive from her [6]. Clearly, in this case, woman is bestowing the influence toward teshuvah upon man. Clearly, that time is now as the yod (י) expresses-to-bestow-understanding (הה) - in other words, as the yod (י) at the end of the word (חוזרי) in my dream unfolds (ה) into this dvar Torah (ה).

In the dream, the word chozer on my "identity card" was linked to the idea of being unmarried. I knew that my "identity status" would change upon becoming married. The word (בעל/בעלת) ba'al/ba'alat is from a root (בעל) spelled like the word itself. Interestingly, this word (בעל), in addition to meaning master (as in master of teshuvah, בעל תשובה) implies being married, marrying and having a husband [4].

טפסרט transforming darkness to light:

My dream (chalom) occurred subsequent to a question posted on a forum thread. A dream can be an answer to a dream question, a she'elot chalom, posed while awake. The question was asked "what do you consider yourself to be?" My dream told me more specifically what I am, as opposed to what I've merely considered myself to be. I've considered myself to be a ba'alat teshuvah (and I am indeed, at one level of understanding). My dream clarified more precisely that I am also a chozeret b'teshuvah.

I hadn't even heard of the phrase chozeret b'teshuvah or the word chozer(et) before today (especially in connection with the idea of being a religious returnee). Moreover, "chozer" wasn't something I was thinking about, and therefore dreamt about it. It came to me from a place "deeper" than thought. It came from at least the level of will (ratzon in keter, which precedes thought, machshavah in malchut).

At the level of thought (with choach mah, chashuv mah), I thought I was a ba'alat teshuvah.

At the level of will, I am truly a chozeret b'teshuvah, and now I know it (keter + 2 levels of daat) and think it too (chochmah, malchut).

אתתא טפסרט evolving woman and providing a light to man

References and Footnotes:

[1] The Wisdom In The Hebrew Alphabet, R. Michael L. Munk;

(1a) on the 4-headed shin: "The divine 4-headed shin, which comes into existence only because it is framed by the exterior walls, alludes to the ways of Hashem which are concealed, incapable of perception by the limited human mind."

(1b) on the vav: transforming anguish to joy, and vice versa

[2] The New Bantam-Meggido Hebrew & English Dictionary

[3] Letters of Fire, R. Matityahu Glazerson. Other examples of words changing and inverting meaning through letter manipulations include (דוה/הוד) davah/hod - exile/the Holy Temple; (חרם/רחם) destruction/mercy; (חמה/חומה) chemah/chomah - wrath/a protecting wall.

[4] Etymological Dictionary Of Biblical Hebrew, R. Matityahu Clark

[5] http://www.hashkafah.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=21820&view=findpost&p=477588:

(5a) to go around (searching). Koh. R. to VII, 8 hu chozeir 'alyah he searches it again (tries to recover his scholarship): ib. yakhol hu lakhazor 'alyah he may recover it a. e.; v. infra

(5b) to turn around, return; to; retract, repent. Ib. chazor b'kha come back (repent)! Eduy. V. 65 chazor c'kha withdraw thy opposition.--DemIV, 1 chazrah l'makomah came back to its place (was mixed up again). Maas. Sh. I, 5 yechz'ru damim v'khulu the money shall return to its former condition, i.e. the sale is annulled, and the money has again its sacred character. Ker. 8a nachzor 'al hareishonot let us go back to what was said first. Sabb. 188b; Arakh. 15b mimi...v'chazarti lacharei I enver said a word (about a fellowman) on which I went back (when confronted with him). Kidd. 59a v'chazrah bah and she reconsiders (her consent to be married); chozeret she may do so; Gitt. 32b Ib. chozer magreish bo dare he use the same letter of divorce again (after he has revoked it)? Ter. IV, 3 Chazar v'hosif then again he added., Gitt. Vi, 5 Chazru lomeir then again they said (added); a. v. fr.

[6] R. Schneur Zalman of Liadi, Tefilat LeKhal HaShana, pp. 138-139.

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