Two New Chapters Of Destiny

י"ב אייר תשס"ט
Annwn 13

Last night, the night of astrological Beltane, the 27th day which is three weeks and six days of the Omer (corresponding to Yesod ShebeNetzach), I dreamt.

In the dream I appeared in form as when I was a young woman. I was very pretty in the dream and had several suitors from afar who wanted to marry me. They had to go through my companion to make marriage arrangements. All communications and deal making went through my ever-constant companion, who was always with me even as he negotiated with my suitors, none of whom I ever got to meet. I never heard the specifics of the negotiations, but I knew he was turning them all down.

This companion of mine was always with me, like a guardian and a guide, someone very close to me in the sense that he has always my entire life been with me. Even from before I was born, he was with me even then. And, every single day of life I've lived since I came into incarnation. This is the kind of companion he is. Mine, only mine. Like a shadow, he is my companion.

And he was turning all my suitors down! I was pretty and shapely and pure and had many, but he would have none of them for me.

Then, he announced to my many suitors that I had a brain tumor and they all backed off. None of them stepped forward to request my hand in marriage from him after that. Not one of them, even though they continued to look at me because I was still pretty and shapely and pure and not yet suffering from any effects of any brain tumor.

I didn't think I had a brain tumor, but nevertheless, nobody wanted me now as I was supposedly growing a brain tumor. Maybe I did have a brain tumor like my companion had told all my suitors, and would eventually die some hideous death on account of it. I retreated from participation in the community of people and sought solace in being alone, with my books, with nature, and just thinking.

I liked being alone, there was peace in solitude. Even though I was dying of a brain tumor, I wasn't suffering from any effects of having a brain tumor. In fact, I felt rather well and at peace in this solitude. I was still pretty and shapely and pure. But, I was still somewhat sad that I had a brain tumor. It was just a sad thing.

My companion then told me we were going on a very important trip and he took me. It was a mystical magical extraordinary book trip. Only the purest of souls could go on this kind of book trip up the mountain by the sea, my companion told me. While the unpure would fall off the winding narrow path up the mountain into the sea, I wouldn't he said. My companion took me to the top of the mountain where extraordinary books live! Only the chosen got to go.

As we were walking up the narrow winding path circling around and up the mountain by the sea with a very small group of others fit to go, I looked out and down and saw the extraordinary sea. The sea was so dark and beautiful, the waves were exquisitely formed and otherworldly yet very worldly at the same time. The air was fresh and clean and smelled of the purest sea. The whole journey marked my consciousness with the glory of the sights that I saw going up the mountain. My companion was ever there with me, behind yet leading me to go forward up the mountain.

We arrived as a group at the summit. Then each person (like myself with his or her own companion) was redirected each toward our own unique book. EACH OUR OWN UNIQUE BOOK.

The unique book each of us had been brought to the top of the mountain to see was the book in which each of our lives had been written before we had each been born and in which each of our lives were recorded as we lived them. We each had a our own unique Sacred Book Of Fate.

I held mine lovingly and gently in my hands and opened it, with my companion there with me. As I looked through it, I saw that the last two chapters of my life had been ripped out! Two whole chapters of my life were gone from my unique sacred book of fate! I wept giant white tears like milk over this. Some of my life had been ripped out of my sacred fate book!

My companion embraced me as I cried these huge white tears. It's okay, he told me telepathically. They had been ripped out to be rewritten. The two chapters of my life were wide open to be anything I wanted them to be. My fate had been removed, even though it had been a sacred and good fate. And now, the last two chapters were mine to write. The last two chapters of my life are completely mine to write.

My companion brought me to the place of Sacred Books. His arms embraced me as I wept. I had the feeling he was more elderly than I, but I love him. He is mine and the one I choose.

I woke up.

The world is different today. I feel in my heart the empty place where the two fated chapters no longer exist. Though my heart feels hollow within me, the stillness of knowing two chapters of my life are wide open to be however I want to write them fills me.