Shattered Years

Right now, at this moment, I am contemplating the last decade of my life and how those years have been shattered. My 3 children are all young adults now. Good thing, as I have been homeless now for several years.

My children were not adults when I began my return to Torah. Not only was my life shattered by the move (which even a hard life of suffering and violence had failed to do), but their lives were shattered as well. In significant ways. And I really don't know how to deal with the powerfully negative emotions that have stacked up for years upon years over this.

I can forget the harm done to me. But, I don't think I can ever forget the harm done to my children. It is beyond my capacity to forgive without justice.

What is justice? I don't know. I've never experienced it. But, one thing I do know, is that the black pit inside me will not be healed without it.