Thursday, February 21, 2013

Saga in Helgakvitha Hundingsbana

I'm trembling.

Saga in Helgakvitha Hundingsbana (3 translations of Saga's verse I've found - source

A mischievous crone wast thou,
a giantess, a Valkyria,
Insolent, monstrous, in Alfather's hall.
All the Einheriar fought with each other,
Deceitful woman! for thy sake.
Nine wolves we begat in Sagunes;
I alone was father of them all.

A Valkyrie wast thou, | loathly Witch,
Evil and base, | in Allfather's home;
The warriors all | must ever fight,
Woman subtle, | for sake of thee.
"Nine did we | in Sogunes
Of wolf-cubs have; | I their father was."

“Thou wast, witch-hag, a Valkyrie fierce
In Alfather’s hall, hateful and grim:
All Valholl’s warriors had well-nigh battled,
Willful woman, to win they hand.
On Saga Ness full nine wolves we
Had together—I gat them all.”

I made the immediate connection to this preincarnate experience / poem (as described also in previous writings)

from the mind inscribed before time in a dreamlike primeval existence
before my life began, at your side, I loved you
set before seeing, witnessing the violent play of creation
rising jagged with twisting thorns ascending toward there
wild and fierce the bloody storm from below, a churning pit of cold fire and coal
dripping with pain torn from earth, cutting edges
raging from a lawless horror, a terror untamed upon the earth
spreading as a plague coming near with powerful fury, iterating screams
reverberating with dysrhythm, the battering melody shattering the noise of silence
in agony melding together, into a cyclone of spiraling shrill despair
hopeless, the sound of an inky blackness, line upon line writing
a writhing scroll, twisted with affliction, death and blood everywhere
below the colorlessness of the sanctuary where I stood, immobile in the sight
testifying, not forgotten, revealing some wordless cry of terror
embedding beyond the throat, becoming chained in the belly
burning my world, descending into the hallowed depths of my heart
with no way to restrain it, its direction of attraction
toward me the knife came to cut
please see me! I am here! I cried without sound - to you as you watched it climb up
as you watched it climb up with some curious, strange fascination
not seeing me, or disregarded, either way, outside your direction of attention
as the rabid destruction erupted up the wall, and all I could do to escape the blade
becoming broken, I turned away, pulling myself in ... only to be thown away
thrown down, as a coarse grain into the only history I ever knew, and I know
what you did, throwing me down to be ripped apart, for those who would destroy me
why do you hate me - still you don't see me, you don't hear me, and you don't care
try as I might to rewrite the story, I cannot forget the truth
and some things can never be fixed

Was I witnessing the Einherjar fight with one another? and I was thrown down just before they reached me. Perhaps I was actually saved by that action. I have an entirely new perspective on this preinacarnate experience now. Totally new. BTW though, I wasn't hateful nor deceitful nor monstrous (male commentators, for sure wrote that), though I surely was grim watching the bloody battle climb up towards me.

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Dare to be true to yourself.