The King's Daughter

I dreamt.

I was a young woman with a baby. We were both hidden together in some way at my earthly parents' home. There was a family reunion or some similar summertime gathering with picnic tables upon which sat many kinds of food items brought to the gathering by the different people.

I tried to get a plate of food for the baby and myself, but the baby was big and I couldn't manage it well as it took both my hands to hold the baby securely. No one would help me. I was getting frustrated and resigned myself to not feeding the baby or myself until after everyone was gone - when it was safe to put the baby down long enough to gather up a plate of food.

Some part of me was aware that something wasn't quite right. This was my human family, but I was not an earthling. I was an alien on this planet. I didn't know how I had gotten here or why I was here, lost among the humans, but I was for some reason. That much I knew.

The dream morphed. I was now a schoolgirl of teenage age. The local school called upon all parents to send all their children to school for some screening test. All parents complied. Mine too. So, off to the school building I went and stood in line for the "medical" screening, like schoolkids stand in lines for vaccinations.

When I came to the front of the line, I had to sit down in this special chair for the test. I sat and the screener put a headpiece-helmet over me that looked like the head of a monkey. The "bill" of the headpiece looked like a monkey's top lip. I RECOGNIZED this monkey in whose image the headpiece had been made, though I said nothing to the screener. For some reason, I knew I was hidden yet I didn't know why. The monkey was the same monkey who had cared for me when I was a newborn on this planet! THIS MONKEY WAS MY MONKEY! For some reason I felt relieved and very very happy.

As soon as the screener fit the headpiece securely over me, it lit up. It perfectly fit only me, like Cinderella's shoe. They had found me! "We have found her!", the screener whispered to the other screeners. The news reverberated quietly down the line of screeners.

The screening lines shut down and I was quickly and covertly whisked off to a waiting spaceship. I was the King's daughter. I had been hidden because of rebellion in my father's kingdom. Many were trying to find and kill me, to steal my father's throne.

I was grown up enough now to return to my rightful place in the Kingdom. We were flying still in secret, but not entirely in secret, because the King wanted those in his Kingdom to know that His daughter was returning. My father also wanted the rebels to know that His daughter was returning with power. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

On the journey home, my guardians would be instructing me regarding all I had not had the opportunity to learn as a human being.

I woke up.

Dancing With The Divine

תניא אמר רבי ישמעאל בן אלישע פעם אחת נכנסתי להקטיר קטורת לפני ולפנים וראיתי אכתריאל יה ה' צבאות שהוא יושב על כסא רם ונשא ואמר לי ישמעאל בני ברכני אמרתי לו יהי רצון מלפניך שיכבשו רחמיך את כעסך ויגולו רחמיך על מדותיך ותתנהג עם בניך במדת הרחמים ותכנס להם לפנים משורת הדין ונענע לי בראשו

"One time [R. Yishmael ben Elisha] entered the Holy of Holies to bring the incense, and there I saw Akatriel Y-H, the L-rd of Hosts, sitting on a high and lofty throne. He said to me, 'Yishmael, My son, bless me!' and I said to Him, 'May it be Your will that Your mercy should conquer and override Your anger, and You should treat Your children with mercy, going beyond the letter of the law,' and He nodded His head to me." (Berachot 7a)

Two points on this gemara:

First, perhaps "blessing G-d" has to do with overcoming G-d's "inertia" in the physical world, where human beings are the agents of G-d's action. Consequently, it makes sense then, that giving our "blessing" to G-d gives G-d a "handle" to work in the world of action, so to speak.

Second, many angelic names end with "iel" (יאל) or "el" (אל). It may be that the name Akatriel represents the pivot point of the epiphany. Akatriel likewise represents the monkey test, before one "turns inside out". Y-H follows turning "inside out".

Both of these points support my previous hypothesis that when we "let go" of the initial infusion of G-dly knowledge, we are effectually "blessing G-d", thereby enabling G-d to work in the physical world through the door of our action. Akatriel Y-H is the gate through which we come to dance with the Divine.

technorati tags: talmud torah torah kabbalah jewish mysticism judaism jewish women jewish d'bir hakodesh daf yomi talmud gemara

Essential Bitachon

Lavi writes that my explanation of "666" takes drush to unprecedented new levels, but then wonders if I don't worry that I'm doing exactly what I'm writing about -> partaking of mystical knowledge prior to its time.

And my answer is no. I don't worry because I have already passed The Monkey Test.

The Monkey Test

To trap a monkey, hunters will drill out a coconut, fill its innards with peanuts, yet leave a hole in the husk just big enough for a monkey to put its hand inside and grasp a handful of peanuts. Then, hunters will tie the coconut securely to a tree. The hole left in the husk of the coconut made by the hunters is not big enough for a monkey to remove its hand as it clenches a fistful of peanuts.

Hunters know that the coconut, tied tightly to a tree, cannot be dislodged by the struggle of any monkey against it. Neither will a monkey drop the clenched peanuts, thereby enabling it to remove its hand. Thus, a monkey can be effectively trapped and killed by hunters.

All because a monkey refuses to let go of the immediate good (peanuts, knowledge) for the promised good (life, ultimate redemptive knowledge).

This monkey story is a story of being able to exit the PaRDeS (levels of consciousness) in peace (remaining whole instead of being destroyed). In the event in my closet when I was six, there was a monkey test. In fact, there were two monkey tests - one to run ("go up") and one to return ("come down").

The first one was before turning inside-out (where consciousness moved from a katnut (constricted) state into a gadlut (expanded) state). As "all" rushed out through me (still basically in katnut consciousness), the wondrousness of the knowledge tempted my mind to hold it within the mind. It was such a treasure. A treasure the mind wanted to keep. Only after letting it go, in all its splendor and beauty, did I turn inside outside and enter into kadmon consciousness.

The second instance where letting go by the mind was required was when coming down from kadmon consciousness, returning to a katnut state, and becoming recentered with the body. Again, the mind was tempted to retain within its borders all that it had been able to apprehend with kadmon consciousness. Again, letting go enabled the mind to safely cross the barrier which marked the transition between states of consciousness.

Why is it important to let go? I think that the act of letting go is the mechanism through which the Divine Will penetrates into and is enabled to itself act within the mundane physical world directly. It is not so much "going up", nor even all that one can apprehend there in that state (kadmon), that is important. Letting go releases the essential energy which drives unfolding of Divine Will into and within this lowest world. Also, holding on to great knowledge and bringing it down into the rational mind prior to preparation of the mind to receive it (shabbat consciousness or "mighty" consciousness) would have been catastrophic to an unprepared mind, which mine was, at 6 years old. This "letting go" of knowledge prior to its time represents rectification of the sin (holding onto knowledge the mind is unable to safely contain) of the tree of knowledge.

The monkey test is like the mitzvah (magickal deed) of the bird's nest - one can't prepare for it.

When I was six years old, entirely unprepared and unlearned. Yet, I let go (in exchange for a promise). There was no time to think. There was nothing for me to understand in that time. There was only a promise and a question of trust. Yes or no?

Essential bitachon (divine faith connection). An essential mitzvah. A mitzvah of the moment. No time to think. Only to react. And that reaction comes from atzmut, the essence. As it must.