I found one of my old geocities websites on an internet archive (Wayback Machine) and found this collage of images from my childhood. I thought I'd lost this collage of old photos of me forever when geocities closed down.
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| Lori - Images From My Childhood |
I wrote this (descriptive) poem (of another preincarnate memory) also about 15 years ago and have posted it on my blogs before. I am now retitling it Annarr / Anþeraz ,
as it relates to "the Other", Uruz ("the Other rune"), the Night,
endurance, changing form (unwinding), reformation (winding), control of
chaotic primal forces, and manifestation.
and reflecting then
on the thought, shaking my tail
vowing remembrance
of my own story
through the fire river around
the world I came in
remembering back
before, how I can I tell it
my whole story, how
contemplating how
feeling this what, suddenly
who, is here with me
asks from the head who
around in circles I turn
unwinding myself
turning turning I
looking I pause to do what
who is here with me
in this darkest place
cool water in night, winding
around me your voice
spiraling about
binding me up speaking some
what say you to me
I trying turning
looking pausing to hear you
what say who to me
where have you rested
in wait for me, only me
you waiting for me
struggling down through worlds
into edges of edges
hearing your voice call
me into being
binding me about voicing
here I am, I am
This story has been posted on my various blogs many times over the years, but I reposting it again now.
I wrote this (also about 20 years ago) describing the events I
experienced immediately surrounding (before, during and after) my
incarnation ... the story of this memory was entitled A Story of Quantum Consciousness, now I add to it, Odr and Me ...
Once upon time, You and I walked together.
See what I am doing. Look here. See what I am making. Edges. i see what You are making. i see edges. What are edges?
Look.
See what edges are doing. Looking, i see what edges are doing. What do
edges feel like? Ohh! to feeeel edges! to feel edges against edges! to
know edges!
Look. See. See edges against edges. These will be your edges and edges. This is what edges will do. Look and see.
i don't have the strength. i can't do it.
I will do it. I will carry you through it, to it that swallows all pain, the brightening and the brilliance.
How wonderful the things for me i see. Yes! Yes! Edges to feel! Wonderful edges with wonderful things to do!
i
could remember thinking and doing things, but my senses did not retain
perceptions, although a smell would remain within me, marking their
actuality. i was unable to fully form and hold onto the ideas that
existed in my mind.
Ohhh! to remember the feel of my edges!
Like
a hug all around me loosened. In an instant, my eyes could see. i was
startled and amazed at the impact of remembering whole perceptions. i
felt in existence.
How wonderful! This beautiful mo-ment in time!
My
mother walking away, toward the yellow and white thing, opening it to
pull out a cloth for my bottom. Mother! Mother! i can see!
But
words as I had spoken with You would not form in my mouth of edges.
Realizing that for as much as definition was desirable, for the first
time, i felt limit. Turning around to speak ... but i could not turn
around in remembering edges! i turned my head instead.
Ohhh! no! i can feel and hear You, but i cannot see You!
I am here.
i did not understand! i want to come home! i want to come home!
you have edges to feel and do, do you remember?
Yes, i remember how i saw with You.
you will never be alone.
But i cannot see You in this world of edges! And i will not feel and hear You always as i do now, i fear. i want to come home!
Do
not fear. I will bring you home. Home is forward. Go. I will never
leave you alone. Smell what I feel like. Remember. I will bring you
home. I promise. Remember. I will always be with you. Remember and do
not be afraid. Look at all the wonderful edges I have made ...
i turned and looked into the room, and tried to speak with my mouth of edges ... yes, i see ...
... ... ... and i remember still today that you will carry me through it, to it ... the brightening and the brilliance.
Edred
Thorsson says of Algiz: "...in runelore the fetch or valkyrie is the source of
this inspiration as the most direct link between the individual and the
source of ultimate inspiration, Odin." --Runelore, pg 126
Traditionally, Algiz/Elhaz is linked to the fetch/fylgja/valkyrie, communication, the
idea of dangerousness if reckless, and to Odinic consciousness. My poems
below (also written about 15 years ago as were the others) describe my
experience with my fetch/fylgja (first poem) when I was about 5 or 6
years old (I'm 52 now), which directly led into an experience of cosmic
consciousness (second poem) accompanied by a male companion (Odin?).
There were two points of danger in the experience I am about to share -
first, the danger of not letting go (of the initial flow of knowledge) prior to ascension, and second, the danger of not letting go
(of the cosmic fullness of the knowledge experienced in an expanded
state of awareness) when returning to normative awareness (which is not
described in the poem). The second poem merely describes the process
leading to ascension, not the content of the experience following
expansion of consciousness. Here are my rune poems for Algiz/Elhaz:
SUDDENLY (contact with my fylgja ...)
hey you, what are you looking at
the mouse seemed to say silently, to me one day
hidden in the closet, coming close to see
where land meets sea, isolating some field of awareness
distracting the mind toward some special duty
hey you, what did you say
you talkin' to me?
hey you, what do you hear
the mouse seemed to say silently, to me one day
hidden in the closet, coming close to hear
wandering around this anomaly of conversation, suddenly plucked up
toward the task at hand, wiping off all others
hey you, do you hear what I hear
who goes there, talkin' to me
EPIPHANY (... leading to Odinic consciousness)
when I was six and
something happened, in my closet
finding a mouse, dead
in the closet
not afraid of mice, beginning to pick it up, stopped by
its eyes, open
I could not stop looking
I could not stop wondering
at it
it meant something more
beyond what I was
seeing
this mouse
trapped
dead
looking at me
witnessing
what what what what
listening I
could not move
I could not move
all
my
thoughtsfeelingsquestionsanswers
meanings
becoming being
mashing together, collapsing into my gut
then
a silence
cutting the bursting emptiness, when
eternity into a split mo-ment
percolating
then
a rush of
a whirlwind
bursting full
more than I could
ever understanding at once
coming out through my insides
surrounding filling
in the closet
trying
to hold this treasured possession
in my mind of edges
yet then
trusting and letting go
these going out
such a strange thing was this doing
I was doing
turning inside out
becoming being within
one
of infinite place
above without end and below without bound
Just an additional note, I think it's pretty cool that the form of Algiz
has a middle pillar (the Experiencer) with an arm on one side (the
fylgja catching normative consciousness) and an arm on the other side
(Odin plucking up into expanded consciousness).
This is another poem I wrote about 15 years ago attempting to describe
another preincarnate memory I have carried with me all of my life - one
that is very near to the point where I was "thrown down" towards
actually incarnating. It is a dark dark poem. I am linking this
experience to Thurisaz, the thorn which awakens the will to action, a
rune whose essence pertains to dangerously aggressive forces, women's
suffering, harnessing the unstoppable, initiatory testing (in my
preincarnate state - the initiation into incarnation), and also, if one
is able to "grasp the thorn" so to speak, grapple with it successfully,
and to transform it into a tool of evolving consciousness, then it may
also be linked to the power of Thor's Hammer. This poem also links to
the Goddesses Frigg and Saga, as I will explain (according to my experience anyway)
following the poem.
The Thorn
from the mind inscribed before time in a dreamlike primeval existence
before my life began, at your side, I loved you
set before seeing, witnessing the violent play of creation
rising jagged with twisting thorns ascending toward there
wild and fierce the bloody storm from below, a churning pit of cold fire and coal
dripping with pain torn from earth, cutting edges
raging from a lawless horror, a terror untamed upon the earth
spreading as a plague coming near with powerful fury, iterating screams
reverberating with dysrhythm, the battering melody shattering the noise of silence
in agony melding together, into a cyclone of spiraling shrill despair
hopeless, the sound of an inky blackness, line upon line writing
a writhing scroll, twisted with affliction, death and blood everywhere
below the colorlessness of the sanctuary where I stood, immobile in the sight
testifying, not forgotten, revealing some wordless cry of terror
embedding beyond the throat, becoming chained in the belly
burning my world, descending into the hallowed depths of my heart
with no way to restrain it, its direction of attraction
toward me the knife came to cut
please see me! I am here! I cried without sound - to you as you watched it climb up
as you watched it climb up with some curious, strange fascination
not seeing me, or disregarded, either way, outside your direction of attention
as the rabid destruction erupted up the wall, and all I could do to escape the blade
becoming broken, I turned away, pulling myself in ... only to be thown away
thrown down, as a coarse grain into the only history I ever knew, and I know
what you did, throwing me down to be ripped apart, for those who would destroy me
why do you hate me - still you don't see me, you don't hear me, and you don't care
try as I might to rewrite the story, I cannot forget the truth
and some things can never be fixed
Saga in Gylfaginning
As discussed in Gylfaginning:
In answer to ‘Who are the Asyniur?’
‘The highest (first) is Frigg. She has a dwelling called Fensalir and it is very splendid. Second is Sága. She dwells at Sökkvabekkr, and that is a big place.’ [From Snorri Sturluson’s Edda, translated by Anthony Faulkes]
in Icelandic as frjá which means "to love." All of these names, as well as the words friend and affray are ultimately from the Proto-Indo-European (PIE) root pri- meaning 'to love.'
A few who know me here from the AFA website know that I have shared
thatI have experienced continuous consciousness from before I was born
and that I was born with memory of my journey into physical existence
intact to this day. While I won't go into all that now, I am taking
poems I wrote about 15 years ago (during my "bardic" phase of spiritual
pathworking) describing aspects of those memories and relating them to
the essence of the runes according to my present understanding. The poem
below attempts to describe one of my memories of preincarnate
experience - I am linking this particular experience/poem to the essence
of Dagaz, with its emphasis on the dance and mystical movement of a
dark-light polarity, synthesis, "divisions of the day" (the poem was
originally entitled Divisions of the Night), paradox, and Metodes leoht
(Creator's light).
first rhythms ever plunge, eternal hosts driven into life
drawing through a field of topographic brilliance
where judgment lovingly flows, churning out whole stones
resting against asymmetries trying, like diamonds in chaos
proto-perception foams, over annihilating operations
and from it, dark bursts of lucidity finely entwine
coarse grains of almost something, almost yet sufficient
the silent rush of yet nothing slides, wildly as percolating pivots
diligently thread through it, casting clarity
upon myriads, hard pauses startle into vision
projecting arrays without mass, strings of confluency
impressing discovery, a shadowy tail-end lingers
between depths of opposite observation
iterating embraces of many meanings like quasi-quanta
gathering functions about the head and, and
spinning spectra, pushing forward, yearning toward home
not knowing, yet only knowing
as some featureless reach edging edges stretches out
the magnetic sweet dance
where divisions collapse like crystal caves
softly sprinkling the belly of the night divine
with bytes of thoughtbare kisses
extending the glorious field of apprehension
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